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Ugh! So, the guy at work that I don't like, gave me a compliment!

Lipitor11

By Lipitor11
in General Relationship Discussion

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Lipitor11 Established Member

Lipitor11

Posted
Posted

I made a post about a security guard at work that apparently "likes" me. So, since everyone thought I was being rude by not greeting him, I decided to be civil and just greet him, and avoid small talk, so I have been just greeting him that's it. Well, today I said morning, and then he said, " you look nice" I said thanks and walked away to scan in through the door, didn't even look at him, then he said, "you don't have to be soo shy." I was like wtf??? Then he said "oh, you don't like compliments do you? I said not really. And was short. Geez! Now, he thinks I'm being shy. Why are some guys soo dumb? Hello!!!! I'm not interested!!!!!!! That's why I don't talk to you! Annoying. And is that even appropriate to say?

Thruster Established Member

Thruster

Posted
Posted

Lip:

 

 

Just brush it off

Over aggressive guys - expect you to flirt back

 

 

Just walk by -- say thanks

and leave it at that

 

 

DO NOT ADD TO THE FIRE!

 

 

next hot lady that walked by -- probably got the same response

 

 

He lives at home with his mom and play gears of war until 2:00am - that is his life

  • Like 1
MoreCoffee Established Member

MoreCoffee

Posted
Posted

Well, I guess if it comes to it you could say, "And since you can't take a hint, that was me signaling I'm not interesed." Drop your voice on the second part of that in a low, cold tone with a don't-****-with-me face, he'll get it. ;)

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

Oh, I know. A girl tries to avoid a guy and suddenly she's the one with the problem and the problem is she's "shy." You see that on this board all the time. The advice you got to be friendly to him was bad advice as you can clearly see because he's a little creep. So cut him all the way off now and don't even respond to any of his deluded little comments. If he gets to be a problem, report him.

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Lipitor11 Established Member

Lipitor11

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I just think its inappropriate for him to even give me a damn compliment! I swear I'm going to look like a piece of **** from now on.

Mister Zen Established Member

Mister Zen

Posted
Posted

This is actually a big enough problem to make a thread about? Someone you don't like, likes you? That's a problem?

 

Its not a problem. Its only a problem for people who want everyone to like them even when they don't like everyone. I've had women be interested in me and I wasn't into them. I just treated them like normal people and went about my day.

 

Just be nice to the guy and go about your business. All he can do is talk. In the end you won't go out with him so it doesn't matter.

  • Like 10
Mr Scorpio Established Member

Mr Scorpio

Posted
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I just think its inappropriate for him to even give me a damn compliment! I swear I'm going to look like a piece of **** from now on.

 

It is inappropriate to tell someone that they look nice?

  • Like 12
whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted
I just think its inappropriate for him to even give me a damn compliment! I swear I'm going to look like a piece of **** from now on.

 

Just take the compliment and leave it at that. He wasn't being mean or malicious though your reaction to this has been just that.

 

Next time he says something to you just drop the hint by mentioning your boyfriend. He'll stop and realize you're not interested. Or you can directly tell him that you're not interested.

 

He could have thought you were playing hard to get and being shy? Anyway the guy isn't a mind reader. Speak up but no need to be mean or rude to him.

  • Like 1
insert_name Established Member

insert_name

Posted
Posted
I made a post about a security guard at work that apparently "likes" me. So, since everyone thought I was being rude by not greeting him, I decided to be civil and just greet him, and avoid small talk, so I have been just greeting him that's it. Well, today I said morning, and then he said, " you look nice" I said thanks and walked away to scan in through the door, didn't even look at him, then he said, "you don't have to be soo shy." I was like wtf??? Then he said "oh, you don't like compliments do you? I said not really. And was short. Geez! Now, he thinks I'm being shy. Why are some guys soo dumb? Hello!!!! I'm not interested!!!!!!! That's why I don't talk to you! Annoying. And is that even appropriate to say?

 

I'm not sure who comes out of this looking the worst, to be honest. Seems pretty regrettable all round.

Lani Established Member

Lani

Posted
Posted

Urggghhhhh gaawwddd... getting compliments is the worst!

 

 

:rolleyes:

 

 

Seriously? Just ignore the guy.

If he persists, tell him to leave you alone, then continue to ignore him. Completely. If you don't take the bait eventually the fisherman leaves.

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
Posted
I made a post about a security guard at work that apparently "likes" me. So, since everyone thought I was being rude by not greeting him, I decided to be civil and just greet him, and avoid small talk, so I have been just greeting him that's it. Well, today I said morning, and then he said, " you look nice" I said thanks and walked away to scan in through the door, didn't even look at him, then he said, "you don't have to be soo shy." I was like wtf??? Then he said "oh, you don't like compliments do you? I said not really. And was short. Geez! Now, he thinks I'm being shy. Why are some guys soo dumb? Hello!!!! I'm not interested!!!!!!! That's why I don't talk to you! Annoying. And is that even appropriate to say?

 

 

Jeez.....now you are going to get all the short guys up in arms...:lmao:

 

TFY

  • Like 5
you_can_not_see_me Established Member

you_can_not_see_me

Posted
Posted

I don't understand why women freak out so much when a guy they don't find attractive seems interested in them.

 

I think indifference is the clearest sign of disinterest and most men will get the message if a girl seems indifferent. But when a girl freaks out and purposefully tries to avoid the guy in an awkward way it just makes some guys think the girl is shy, since some shy girls actually do behave this way!

 

So best think OP can do is just act indifferent, do go out of your way to avoid and not look at him, but also don't seem eager to see him as well.

you_can_not_see_me Established Member

you_can_not_see_me

Posted
Posted
Well, I guess if it comes to it you could say, "And since you can't take a hint, that was me signaling I'm not interesed." Drop your voice on the second part of that in a low, cold tone with a don't-****-with-me face, he'll get it. ;)

Not necessary, OP should just act indifferent and move on. The guy probably already knows in some form that she's not interested.

StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

Posted
Posted

How old are you Lipitor?

 

In 10 years such a compliment will make your day, I'm guessing.

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
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I feel what the OP means...

 

You wanna just be polite, but then someone turns it into you liking them...worst when they won't leave you alone.

 

Hence, me feeling like crap when my recent crush rebuffs(ed) me :o... I don't wanna be "that" person who doesn't get a clue that someone is/was just being polite to you.

 

Like others said, don't let it bother you...just act like normal...it happens.

you_can_not_see_me Established Member

you_can_not_see_me

Posted
Posted
I feel what the OP means...

 

You wanna just be polite, but then someone turns it into you liking them...worst when they won't leave you alone.

 

Hence, me feeling like crap when my recent crush rebuffs(ed) me :o... I don't wanna be "that" person who doesn't get a clue that someone is/was just being polite to you.

 

Like others said, don't let it bother you...just act like normal...it happens.

but that's all self shaming, its not your fault the other person wasn't feeling it! if he or she wasn't interested its on her/him to tell you that, its not your job to mind read.

 

This is also why I think the OP is being unfair. The guy isn't a mind reader and acting a freaked out won't help anyone.

 

 

There is a big difference between men being hit on by girls they don't like and girls being hit on by men they don't like. Most men in such a situation just act indifferent and the girl gets the message and it hurts her feelings less. A lot of girls on the other hand freak out and act like the guy has done some horrific thing and that the best thing to do is to make the guy feel as guilty and creepy as possible by avoiding him and talk behind his back.

I actually think this is one of the reasons some guys develop really strong phobias of approaching women.

 

Of course I think part of the reason women react in this way is cause they are actually afraid of being physically harmed by men on some level, perhaps they picture the worst case scenario of being stalked and kidnaper by one of these undesirable men?

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted
but that's all self shaming, its not your fault the other person wasn't feeling it! if he or she wasn't interested its on her/him to tell you that, its not your job to mind read.

 

This is also why I think the OP is being unfair. The guy isn't a mind reader and acting a freaked out won't help anyone.

 

 

There is a big difference between men being hit on by girls they don't like and girls being hit on by men they don't like. Most men in such a situation just act indifferent and the girl gets the message and it hurts her feelings less. A lot of girls on the other hand freak out and act like the guy has done some horrific thing and that the best thing to do is to make the guy feel as guilty and creepy as possible by avoiding him and talk behind his back.

I actually think this is one of the reasons some guys develop really strong phobias of approaching women.

 

Of course I think part of the reason women react in this way is cause they are actually afraid of being physically harmed by men on some level, perhaps they picture the worst case scenario of being stalked and kidnaper by one of these undesirable men?

 

I think that "persistent" people aren't clueless...

 

One time there was a guy who I wasn't attracted to and he kept on trying so hard...It wasn't just the lack of attraction that was upsetting/annoying - it was the nerve of him. One time I was reading/writing in my day-planner (now like everything is on my phone or computer...lol) and this fool just walks up and shuts my planner so I would pay attention to him. I WAS SO MAD I wanted to take the planner and beat him senseless.

 

Well, I was right about my instincts about his bullshhhhht because I ran into him and dude was married the whole time.

 

So, IMO, persistence isn't always about someone being clueless...it's more about their ego.

 

And about my recent crush? I've gotten more than enough feedback to know he's not into me...trust me on that one. So, I don't want him to ever feel uneasy around me cuz I know what it's like to be subjected to someone who won't leave you alone.

Natsu21 Established Member

Natsu21

Posted
Posted

Guys, here's what you need to know.

 

If you're not good looking enough, a girl will always complain about you.

 

If you were looking like a troll and sprayed her with a water gun, she'd be angry...give a guy like Ryan Gosling the gun and she'll open her arms to get drenched by him.

 

Ladies, in all seriousness, try TELLING the dude you're not interested. Sheesh, you girls sound stuck on yourself. We're not mind readers.

 

And girls wonder why I have trouble committing.

  • Like 2
you_can_not_see_me Established Member

you_can_not_see_me

Posted
Posted
I think that "persistent" people aren't clueless...

 

One time there was a guy who I wasn't attracted to and he kept on trying so hard...It wasn't just the lack of attraction that was upsetting/annoying - it was the nerve of him. One time I was reading/writing in my day-planner (now like everything is on my phone or computer...lol) and this fool just walks up and shuts my planner so I would pay attention to him. I WAS SO MAD I wanted to take the planner and beat him senseless.

 

Well, I was right about my instincts about his bullshhhhht because I ran into him and dude was married the whole time.

 

So, IMO, persistence isn't always about someone being clueless...it's more about their ego.

 

And about my recent crush? I've gotten more than enough feedback to know he's not into me...trust me on that one. So, I don't want him to ever feel uneasy around me cuz I know what it's like to be subjected to someone who won't leave you alone.

you missed the point I was trying to make, I don't think men or women should be second guessing themselves and worrying about coming off as a creep or secretly being disliked by someone they are hitting on. That is a perfect recipe for diminished self esteem and is especially bad for men who rely more on approaching.

 

Persistence is an entirely different subject. When it comes to persistence the person has been informed of the disinterest and should know to disengage, the situation in the OP post is different the guy doesn't know she isn't interested. There is a very very clear difference.

 

I think the worst thing that can happen to a guy in the context of dating is if he develops a fear of being a "creep". If that happens the guy will constantly feel guilt and shame every time he is with a girl and might even go as far as a guy no longer having the ability to talk to women in a normal way.

jay1983 Established Member

jay1983

Posted
Posted

Why don't guys approach girls anymore?

 

Guys don't be afraid of rejection, chances are if you have confidence blah blah blah, blah blah blah...........

  • Like 2
Natsu21 Established Member

Natsu21

Posted
Posted
Why don't guys approach girls anymore?

 

Guys don't be afraid of rejection, chances are if you have confidence blah blah blah, blah blah blah...........

 

She'll still find some excuse not to talk to you if you're not interesting enough.

Natsu21 Established Member

Natsu21

Posted
Posted

 

And about my recent crush? I've gotten more than enough feedback to know he's not into me...trust me on that one. So, I don't want him to ever feel uneasy around me cuz I know what it's like to be subjected to someone who won't leave you alone.

 

But if your crush shut off your planner, you wouldn't care.

 

Gotta love double standards.

  • Like 1
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted

It's really not that big a deal, is it? Just smile and say thanks. If he pursues further, say no thanks. If he starts getting aggressive, file a complaint. But for now we're really still at Step 1, I don't think he did anything wrong necessarily (aside from being clueless).

  • Like 1
Natsu21 Established Member

Natsu21

Posted
Posted (edited)

Actually, I'll go ahead and say it.

 

You come off as a stuck up entitled b****.

 

There, I said it.

 

Dude gave you a compliment. Didn't ask you to suck him off. Yeesh. Take the compliment.

Edited by Natsu21
  • Like 2
Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

Posted
Posted
This is actually a big enough problem to make a thread about? Someone you don't like, likes you? That's a problem?

 

Its not a problem. Its only a problem for people who want everyone to like them even when they don't like everyone. I've had women be interested in me and I wasn't into them. I just treated them like normal people and went about my day.

 

Just be nice to the guy and go about your business. All he can do is talk. In the end you won't go out with him so it doesn't matter.

 

This.

 

AND this is a prime example of why men don't talk to women that much anymore.

 

What on earth happened to basic good manners and being civil? Someone please tell me... More and more often I am finding people are shocked when I am nice to them... Why is this??? You have just given me the answer.

 

I am amazed this is the first time you have bothered to say hello. Security guards are human beings too... They are just doing their job too... He said hello and paid you a compliment. If your friend had said you look nice you wouldn't be getting angry about it! Take the damn compliment. Enjoy it for what it was. Say thank you and if he goes further say no thank you.

  • Like 1
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