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My boyfriend always says the same "sweet things" every morning and it's getting weird

marycc

By marycc
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HeartDesires Established Member

HeartDesires

Posted
Posted

Some people are constantly repeating themselves, using the exact same words and it's soooo irritating......HOWEVER if it was a man speaking the language of love to me in the best way he knows how - then I would truly be in bliss :love:

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Mrin Established Member

Mrin

Posted
Posted
I think it is more like your GF scratching your back, except not moving around. Just digging a ditch in your back, wearing a groove, over and over and over until it hurts.

 

It's not the thought. It is the lack of imagination, which circles back to a lack of genuine thought. More like a meaningless habit that resembles caring, but lacks in a certain respect.

 

I will speak of this no more!

 

LOL good one!

 

Ok, i'll bow out too... after this last one!

 

So the other day I was unloading the dishwasher while chatting with my sister and went on this jag about how my 11 year old daughter loads the dishwasher all wrong. She laughed and said, dude, listen to yourself. Be happy she loads it at all!

 

Ok, I'm really done now. Fun thread.

MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted (edited)
I guess I'm in the minority when I say it is weird, robotic and maybe even contrived somehow. It is not the missing creativity, it is the part about the EXACT SAME WORDS.

 

"I love you so much" could be "I love you a bunch" or just plain "I love you." That doesn't require creativity, but it does require more than just knowing your lines. After a while, I think it would start to sound insincere.

 

Imagine hearing the EXACT SAME WORDS right before penetration EVERY TIME:

 

Sure, that sounds great the first few times. But after a while, I think it would get a little old.

 

!!!!

 

I'm like okay are we from another planet???

 

I'm sorry but texting me the exact same message everyday like an automaton is weird. It's not like the OP is asking him to come up with original sonnets daily but to simply copy and paste the same message everyday seems like something a teenager who has no experience with dating so needs to follow some prescribed rule needs to do and it loses any meaning and value.

 

I think the people saying it's fine are those who seem to express the desire for their SO's to do more so in their minds this seems better than nothing....but I'm sure if all of a sudden for the next year they got a text everyday saying the exact same message they'd feel differently. Why does it have to be nothing at all or same thing everyday?? Is there no rational middle ground? I mean if I want that I could just sign up to some automated message service which would send me the same text for a year. I'm dating a HUMAN and not a robot because humans are spontaneous and can be unpredictable and can actually say different things and think unlike a robot programmed to say only a set number of things...once you start acting like a robot, and for me sending me the same message daily as though that is all you're programmed to say, is being more robotic than organic and I'd be annoyed. Guess my expectations are too high...oh well.

Edited by MissBee
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mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

Posted
Posted
!!!!

 

I'm like okay are we from another planet???

 

 

AMIRITE?

 

The thread title SCREAMED weird to me, I didn't even want to open the thread to read about it.

 

Not sure why I did.

 

Not sure why I come back, but I think it has to do with how many people think this is OK, good even.

 

Earth girls are easy. :laugh:

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

my nanna and grandpa had rituals they did every day.....one of them was to kiss each other good morning and the other was to kiss each other good night.....without fail....when my nanna died my grandpa hung on for twelve months...missing her like crazy and then he died....the last thing he ever said before the ambulance took her away was i love you....nothing else needed to be said or shown ...he loved her,their whole married life and before, continued to love her after her death and is with her now.....my nanna and grandpa were intelligent peoples with simple desires...they desired each other....they used simple rituals to show it......their love can not be denied....it goes on......words didnt need to get in the way...you truly dont understand what or how important someone is in your life....until those simple rituals and that person.....become part of a fond history.......deb

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I am Bud Established Member

I am Bud

Posted
Posted

Dear marycc

 

Having googled 'condition where people repeat themselves' I got a hit for the following University of Rochester Medical Center website:

 

Breaking the Habit: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder - Online Medical Encyclopedia - University of Rochester Medical Center

 

Under the heading off: Breaking the Habit: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder > Thinking Rituals it says 'I have a need to repeat certain words or numbers in my head so I don't feel anxious or fear that some harm will befall others.'

 

Taking into account that you boyfriend will 'sometimes when he answers me he just repeats the things I said and nothing else' could it be that he has a mild form of OCD but has never been diagnosed for it? The website says that 'Many people with OCD benefit from medications and behavioral therapy in which they're very gradually exposed to circumstances that trigger their compulsive behaviors.'

 

Perhaps when he is with you he can get anxious sometimes so he feels the compulsion to repeat himself. It might be worth it to ask him whether he has ever been checked for this condition. It might be the case that he has but has decided not to tell you yet for fear that you might leave him. If he hasn't then it might be worth getting it checked out with a medical practitioner.

 

Overall I agree with everyone else here that you should judge your relationship as a whole and not just focus on this one part. If he is a great boyfriend and a nice guy then this relationship is definitely worth fighting for.

 

All the best - Bud.

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marycc Member

marycc

Posted
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Posted
!!!!

 

I'm like okay are we from another planet???

 

I'm sorry but texting me the exact same message everyday like an automaton is weird. It's not like the OP is asking him to come up with original sonnets daily but to simply copy and paste the same message everyday seems like something a teenager who has no experience with dating so needs to follow some prescribed rule needs to do and it loses any meaning and value.

 

I think the people saying it's fine are those who seem to express the desire for their SO's to do more so in their minds this seems better than nothing....but I'm sure if all of a sudden for the next year they got a text everyday saying the exact same message they'd feel differently. Why does it have to be nothing at all or same thing everyday?? Is there no rational middle ground? I mean if I want that I could just sign up to some automated message service which would send me the same text for a year. I'm dating a HUMAN and not a robot because humans are spontaneous and can be unpredictable and can actually say different things and think unlike a robot programmed to say only a set number of things...once you start acting like a robot, and for me sending me the same message daily as though that is all you're programmed to say, is being more robotic than organic and I'd be annoyed. Guess my expectations are too high...oh well.

 

That's how I feel!!! that he is being robotic, that what he says is not genuine because he is so repetitive. Today I've talked about this with him again and he apparently got really sad and said "Sorry, I'm not very creative" and then I apologized because I was feeling bad about myself, maybe I'm too demanding.

 

You said: "Why does it have to be nothing at all or same thing everyday??"

EXACTLY! My ex boyfriend was NEVER sweet, almost never sent me a good morning text, and now I get the same text everyday... :rolleyes: He's really sweet but I'm afraid he is faking it :/

He is 21 and I'm his frist girlfriend, and he has already said that he knows he may be a bit immature but is it so difficult to think about different things to say? I do it all the time!

Maybe he just wants to please me, but I have already told him that I don't like it that much, so... But I know that he already addmited that he tries to please me, for example, before we started dating he would never grow his beard, but once he did it and I told him it looked good on him, so now he always grows his beard and I think he doesn't even like it that much :/

Also, I'm very insecure (because my ex boyfriend cheated on me, my father cheated on my mother, so you get the picture...lots of trust issues, that I'm now starting to resolve) and he would for example hide pictures from his facebook page that showed my bf at a party with male and female friends because he thought I would get insecure about his girl friends and wanted to "prevent" that, however, he addmited this recently and now has the pictures online.

I'm just very afraid that he is being fake and doing this kind of stuff because he thinks that it is what's "best for me" and what I want to hear/know/see...And I've told him this, and he just denied it and started to say that he was hurt because I didn't trust him, that I was being disrespectful and accusing him...and I end up feeling bad for myself, also because he talks to his mother about a lot of stuff that happens with us and now she doesn't like me and has already suggested that we should break-up.

Anyway...I hope you enjoy testaments!

 

P.S: He is now starting to get therapy, as well as me, so maybe I should wait and see if things change for the better...?

Diezel Established Member

Diezel

Posted
Posted

Not surprised you picked the ONE response that seemed to go along with how you thought.

 

So many people would LOVE to have any semblance of a sweet comment to wake up to. I get it, it's the same recycled thing over and over.

 

Poor guy is trying, at least, and gets that.

You are just projecting your insecurities from your last relationship on him.

 

I can only imagine if he posted somewhere else, "I have a girlfriend and I try to remind her everyday how much I love her and how beautiful she is, but she just told me that I say the same thing to her everyday. Apparently she doesn't think I am creative enough. What should I do?"

MissBee Established Member

MissBee

Posted
Posted
Not surprised you picked the ONE response that seemed to go along with how you thought.

 

So many people would LOVE to have any semblance of a sweet comment to wake up to. I get it, it's the same recycled thing over and over.

 

Poor guy is trying, at least, and gets that.

You are just projecting your insecurities from your last relationship on him.

 

I can only imagine if he posted somewhere else, "I have a girlfriend and I try to remind her everyday how much I love her and how beautiful she is, but she just told me that I say the same thing to her everyday. Apparently she doesn't think I am creative enough. What should I do?"

 

I'm sorry but using the fact that some people are desperate for sweet comments doesn't really justify the idea that the OP is required to be happy about this.

 

It's like saying just because some people in the world are starving you shouldn't feel it's weird to eat the same food everyday. That's absurd. Of course it's bad that people are starving and it sucks for those who don't get sweet messages (although you have a choice about who you date so it's not like anyone is forced to be with someone who doesn't send them nice messages) but it doesn't mean that because some people have it worse you can never question your own situation.

 

Poor guy is trying? So you're saying sending the same message everyday for almost a year deserves some grand prize for trying??? There is nothing to try here...which is part of the OP's frustration. It's a copy and pasted message you send daily. You don't have to think about it or try, it's autopilot like a robot so doesn't seem meaningful. It's not like you woke up and felt so loving and sent the message...you do it without fail because you send it everyday and it's the same thing. It's just like those people who online date and send the same message to everyone without ever catering to the specifics of that person....people often find that unacceptable but somehow your bf sending you the same copy and pasted text daily is better? Mmkay... But ALL the people who are saying it's great are people who aren't experiencing it and seem to be projecting their dissatisfaction about not receiving nice messages on to the OP and saying she should love it because THEY wish they received it or "some people don't get that..." I can almost guarantee if your SOs started sending you the exact text everyday for a year you'd not be as pleased as punch as you expect the OP to feel.

 

It's no different than if every morning a friend sent you the same message "Hi you're such a great friend, love that you're in my life" everyday for a year...and at no point does it become a bit odd and robotic? Mmmkay... Human beings generally do not say the same things everyday for a year thus when someone does it automatically seems a bit robotic and odd.

 

Yea...I will stand in the weird corner.

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