alainajones Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Hello, everyone. I was here months ago because my boyfriend broke up with me and I was heart-broken as you can see on this thread below. (And thank you for all your comments and advice. It really helped me a lot.) I was so hurt and had never been hurt like that before in my life. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t48228/ Well, he did come back to me and we've been back together for six months or so now. BUT... As much as I wanted him back and was so happy that he did, I just don't love him like I used to any more. I figured it would take me a while to recover from how much he hurt me, but it's been six months and I still don't feel the same way about him like I used to. I don't want to see him as much as I used to, or do as many things as I used to for him. On the other hand, he seems very happy, has been very sweet and I can see he's really putting an effort into our relationship. He seems to think everything is going great! I still do love him, but I still think about how much he hurt me when he left me and I sometimes get so mad, frustrated and wonder why I even took him back. Does this mean I haven't really forgiven him? Is this normal? Now I'm wondering "does that feeling ever come back?" (my previous thread title) about my own feelings for him. I loved him so much and I would have never thought my love for him would change... Thank you for your comments and advice in advance.
lulu Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Hi why did u break up in the first place and why did he decide to come back again? dont have similar experience so i guess i wouldnt be of any actual help. just my personal opinion. i think the best way to try to work things out with him is to talk to him (if you havent). i do think you not feeling the same way is resulted from not over the hurtful things he did to you. tell him that you still feel hurt now and to make things work you need a lot of time and joint effort. i think it will help if he shows support and understanding and you let out the bad feelings. hope experienced people can give you some more insightful ideas. best,
Nick14 Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Well, the honeymoon is over really. Now, its time to work at it and start trying. Example, my ex thought she was out of love and how she hoped everything would come back within 2weeks. Remember, no one broke up with anyone in the past. Thing was, she was immature and never knew how much work it takes to keep things going when that honeymoon phase is gone. We were together for 2.5 years and she just dumped me in august out of nowhere, claiming this and that, making excuses and etc. What happens a month later, she dates someone else. Really, if you love him, but you want those deep feelings back. You guys need to sit down and be adults and talk about what problems you had and what problems he had and work on it like a team CAUSE YOU GUYS ARE A TEAM. Its so crucial in these stages and heres your shot to shine. Granted, its been 6 months and he has done nothing wrong. Its time to roll up the sleeves and start working you know. Like find something new to do that you both have never tried before or something else. Bottom line is, you gotta keep that flame lit somehow. You got this far, why throw it all away. Yes he may of hurt you for dumping you but he came back and was willing to work on it. Have you guys discuss what problems you guys had that led to the breakup? I don't want this to be a "oh man now where going to break up again" talk. No need for that, cause its something me and my ex should of done but she was inexperienced and I was shocked at the time. Boy would I do anything to go backin time and re do it again. Hope this helps, abiet its 1am out in the westcoast, night.
upsetnhurt Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 alaina, I don't agree with Nick......nothing says that one should stay in a relationship just because too people went through so much to get there in the past. Alaina, you have tried and unfortunately what you need to understand is that your old relationship with your bf is long gone.....the innocence is gone as he betrayed your trust. Look at him as a current bf and decide if he at this present time can provide you all that you need for the future from a significant other. The past will never leave you....you just have to decide that his qualities today fit your expectations of what you are looking for. Relationships are hard enough and to attempt to rekindle one with someone who has hurt you in the past is way too difficult. That is why people usually say to move on and find someone new to love you.
Author alainajones Posted March 4, 2005 Author Posted March 4, 2005 Thanks everyone. He broke up with me because he didn’t think the relationship was going any further even though he still loved me (and we were arguing a lot). And he came back about a month later saying he made a huge mistake and he wants to work things out. I have mentioned to him that bad memories of being hurt by him still bother me and even though I have been trying, it’s still hard for me. He said that he understands, but he also that I’m "dwelling over the past"... When I heard that, I didn't feel like saying anything else about it... It is not like I’m trying to think about what happened, but it’s just still very much in my head, you know? I think it’s because he was the first person I ever truly loved (still do), and no one ever hurt me like that. I do feel I should get over it, and I want to, so that I can put a 100% into our relationship, but it is very hard for me.
upsetnhurt Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Alaina, He says you are "dwelling in the past" yet he wasn't the one who was hurt and heartbroken. He has been able to dictate his actions which tends to be a lot easier. Bring it up everytime you feel it is causing you heartache....and if he can't deal with it then he needs to walk away. You are not the same person you were nor is he and you both have to respect and deal with it.
beatjunkies Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 i think the thing is this.. you wanted him soo much when you were broken up because people want what they cant have.. thats how i was when i brok up with my ex.. i didnt want to be with her at the time and i was sick of her.. but then when we were broken up, i wanted her like crazy... Then when we would get back together the newness wore off again like a week later and things were back to normal.. But i still was happy to have her back. You do need to work on things though I think. Communication is the key ! When i would break up with my ex she would always say " You never tell me anything and why didnt we talk about our probs" Well see now that i am the dumpee she doesnt want to communicate.. So really you should sit down and let him know EXACTLY how you feel.. Also like Nick said try something new.. you either want to work things out or you dont.. thats your choice but its just stupid how people arent happy with the relationship so they just give up rather than try to fix it.. this is just another obsticle you and your bf or going to have to get around.. just like any other problem... so dont just give up.. i dont agree with upsetnhurt (no offense) but I think if this man really means that much to you then you will do everything to try to fix things (as well as him) Its your call though... If you want to break up and feel like you did when you werent together then go ahead but I guarantee that you will regret it after the breakup !!! (at least i regreted it every time i broke up with my ex) So take care and let us know any updates.. Peace
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