freetolove Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 This is a strange situation but I was working on getting over my ex and was having a hard time but a friend of my introduced me to this guy that she met online. She said that she wasn't attracted to him and kept encouraging me to talk to him (I was pining over my ex so at that point I really didn't give a damn) fast forward a few weeks. We hang out with this guy in a group a few times (We're all in early 30s) and during one time at a bar, he stepped in to "protect" me from a jerk. (Damsel in distress situation) Oddly, I started to feel attracted to him. I didn't think much about it but a few days ;ayer he called me to tell me he wanted to hang out with me before I leave for my trip (visiting family). I was a little surprised by this. (I told him I was busy because I didn't know how to explain to my friend). He hasn't been on an official "date" with her yet just hanging out in a group setting. My friend did tell me that he might be interested but I think she's hurt by it. I sense that she still likes him, he just wasn't showing as much interest towards her as she would like. I know there are other people to meet but I finally was able to stop obsession over my ex. I like the new guy but I want to be careful with my friends feelings (we're really good friends). AND I don't even know if this guy likes me. What should I do?
Supernatural Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 That's a tough situation. Options. 1.You distance yourself from guy. He loses interest in your friend because he likes you more. Your friend moves on. Guy is out of picture. Your friend finds new guy and then you rekindle things with guy months later. You tell friend about bumping in to guy and that you liked him before... She unlikely cares because she is interested in someone else. 2. Tell friend about situation and hope she understands. Which is unlikely and will most likely turn dramatic. 3. You secretly see guy and undermine your friend because you're afraid to have a conversation with her about this. Everything eventually surfaces at later date. You choose guy over friend. ---- I think there are plenty of other fish in the sea. I think your friend has precedence here. Keep that relationship more important and just be really real with her and tell her your situation, but let her know she is more important. Realistically, this situation seems too mucky. Don't forget... She brought the guy to group situation with you there... Because she trusts you. Don't break any trust whatsoever.
Mrin Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Ok this seems really straightforward to me but I am a dude so I don't understand girl law. Since your friend said she wasn't attracted to him and encouraged you to talk to him, it seems like she was green lighting you - at least at that time. With dudes, that's a pretty clear hand off. I guess what I would suggest is that you owe it to your friend to circle back around and make sure the light is green. If you were two guys it would work like this: Call her up and ask "hey, what's up between you and [the dude]?" If she were into him or possessive of him she would say something like "oh I don't know, I kinda like him, he's cute", and the appropriate thing would be for you to agree with her and encourage her to take it to the next step - end of the line for you and the dude. However, if she weren't into him she'd immediately get where you were coming from and say, "oh, he's not my type but I think you guys could hit it off". And then you're in business. Girl law doesn't work that way does it?
Author freetolove Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 Good points from the both of you, thank you. I'll probably go with option one. Detach a bit and wait and see if my friend and find someone else.
Coil Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I am a guy... personally I would go with option 2 and talk to your girlfriend about it. She introduced you and if she is a true friend you should be able to have a civilized conversation about said situation. and most importantly....there are plenty of fish in the sea. I am sure that you can find other guys if you decide not to go with this one.
isisisweeping Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Ok this seems really straightforward to me but I am a dude so I don't understand girl law. Since your friend said she wasn't attracted to him and encouraged you to talk to him, it seems like she was green lighting you - at least at that time. With dudes, that's a pretty clear hand off. Yeah. I would talk to her. I tihnk you may be making it more complicated than it really is.
mightycpa Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Ok this seems really straightforward to me but I am a dude so I don't understand girl law. Since your friend said she wasn't attracted to him and encouraged you to talk to him, it seems like she was green lighting you - at least at that time. With dudes, that's a pretty clear hand off. I guess what I would suggest is that you owe it to your friend to circle back around and make sure the light is green. If you were two guys it would work like this: Call her up and ask "hey, what's up between you and [the dude]?" If she were into him or possessive of him she would say something like "oh I don't know, I kinda like him, he's cute", and the appropriate thing would be for you to agree with her and encourage her to take it to the next step - end of the line for you and the dude. However, if she weren't into him she'd immediately get where you were coming from and say, "oh, he's not my type but I think you guys could hit it off". And then you're in business. Girl law doesn't work that way does it? Ditto. Just check with everybody involved, and you'll be just fine. I suppose in this way, you're offering everybody the right to refuse you. If they pass on the offer, then you're not to blame.
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