isisisweeping Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I think I'd want to dump a guy if his interest was much lower than mine. Comparable interest is good.
Author Darren2013 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Posted September 13, 2014 The whole point behind challenge is to be the guy who almost doesn't care if he loses her. That's the thing. If a guy is too scared to lose her then he won't do well with implementing challenge.
Author Darren2013 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Posted September 13, 2014 Inviting someone in doesn't equate to sex. I dont care if a guy declines my offer, or comes in but doesn't have sex, he's not ready. Who cares? It may not equate to sex but it does open the door to the possibility of something intimate happening especially if the invitation is late at night.
Author Darren2013 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Posted September 13, 2014 During the beginning stages of meeting my ex I asked him if he wanted to come in for a glass of water. He declined and I'm thinking "dude stop being a wuss, I was just offering you a glass of water." Some people do have self control and just because you get offered to enter a woman's home doesn't mean she wants to have sex. Don't make assumptions. If I offer a man in my home its because I feel comfortable enough. I don't put out easily so he may be sitting on my couch a few times. With NO Action. Sounds like you have a problem with self control. I don't have problems with self control when it comes to refraining from initiating sex. But if the woman initiates sexual activity and we are alone then yeah I am going to have a hard time resisting and turning her down. So yeah I have a problem with self control ONLY if she starts molesting me on the couch or whatever. The whole point of not going into the house late at night is to not even allow for an open door of temptation before I am ready. I'm not saying I'm Definitively going to get molested if I am invited in but the risk is still there and if it has only been 1,2,3 dates I have no idea if she is conservative and wanting to wait it out or if she is more liberal and wanting to get down to business early on. The whole point is why even put myself in a risky situation of being alone in her house late at night?
todreaminblue Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 i think its good to end a date at the door.......and not to expect anything other than a kiss good night....it wouldnt bother me if i invited a guy in and he said no......i would invite him in out of courtesy....to make him a drink or offer water.....if he said no ...i wouldnt mind.....i dont offer a guy in on a first date a second yes.....thats if i dont know them as friends first.....its automatic if i know them i would let them in and they would know its not for sex..if they said nah got get up early which they havent as of yet ....it wouldnt bother me.......deb
mightycpa Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Hey Darren2013, how ya feeling buddy? This isn't a bad rule, but the way you present it, I have to say it just seems a little .... militant. Is there any wiggle room in your rule? I think all rules need a clause in them that allows you to break them in the event of the unexpected. I think it would help you to find a polite and rarely used reason to put the rule aside. maybe like you have to go to the bathroom really badly, or to have a drink of water before you drive home. Rarely used, but available to you. The flexibility will do you good, if you learn it in small doses. 1
Author Darren2013 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Posted September 13, 2014 I think for me the biggest concern with having sex too early when I have only been out with a woman for a few dates is that once I sleep with her then I get blind sighted and my mind gets clouded and I can't look at the relationship objectively and let my rational mind govern my decisions. I begin to become enslaved with passion and feelings ruling my decisions. That's dangerous for the long term. So obviously I wouldn't be compatible with a woman who has a liberalized attitude about sex. Not saying there's anything wrong with her. Just that we are not compatible and the sooner we find out the truth about that the better. The whole not going into the house helps weed those type of women out sooner and help me get closer to the more conservative types who understand like I do the emotional and psychological effects that sex has on me and why it is better to spend alot of quality time with a person and build a history together before sleeping together. Sex can be addicting and cloud my mind's ability to be objective if done too early. 1
Author Darren2013 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Posted September 13, 2014 Hey Darren2013, how ya feeling buddy? This isn't a bad rule, but the way you present it, I have to say it just seems a little .... militant. Is there any wiggle room in your rule? I think all rules need a clause in them that allows you to break them in the event of the unexpected. I think it would help you to find a polite and rarely used reason to put the rule aside. maybe like you have to go to the bathroom really badly, or to have a drink of water before you drive home. Rarely used, but available to you. The flexibility will do you good, if you learn it in small doses. If I can't even hold my bladder until I get to a gas station after dropping her off at the house then I really have a problem and I shouldn't be out dating if that's the case. I should be going to a doctor to investigate why I have a weak bladder. But is there a clause in this rule to where it can be bent under special circumstances? Sure. It would have to be a rare situation such as positive documentation that I have terminal cancer and have less than 5 minutes to live. Then sure I would go into the house if invited after one date. But most of us don't know how long we are going to live so that kind of scenario is very rare.
mightycpa Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 If I can't even hold my bladder until I get to a gas station after dropping her off at the house then I really have a problem and I shouldn't be out dating if that's the case. I should be going to a doctor to investigate why I have a weak bladder. But is there a clause in this rule to where it can be bent under special circumstances? Sure. It would have to be a rare situation such as positive documentation that I have terminal cancer and have less than 5 minutes to live. Then sure I would go into the house if invited after one date. But most of us don't know how long we are going to live so that kind of scenario is very rare. Holy ****! Let's hope you never have to exercise that clause! That said, it is a beginning. I would like you to indulge me by ratcheting it down a step or two, and maybe you can think of another, perhaps less dire situation that would allow for a relaxation of the rule. Maybe certain death will meet you tomorrow, or next Saturday. I'm telling you, now that I've found the word, FLEXIBILITY, this is the thing that you lack. You're a "no tolerance" kind of guy, and I would suggest you simply turn into a "good judgment" kind of guy. In the end, you don't have to compromise your principles to do something like enjoy a glass or water in a new date's house. You can still get out unscathed. Not a sermon, just a thought.
Author Darren2013 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Posted September 13, 2014 And asking to use her bathroom is just an excuse to get into the house. That's how she will likely see it.
mightycpa Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 I think for me the biggest concern with having sex too early when I have only been out with a woman for a few dates is that once I sleep with her then I get blind sighted and my mind gets clouded and I can't look at the relationship objectively and let my rational mind govern my decisions. I begin to become enslaved with passion and feelings ruling my decisions. That's dangerous for the long term. So obviously I wouldn't be compatible with a woman who has a liberalized attitude about sex. Not saying there's anything wrong with her. Just that we are not compatible and the sooner we find out the truth about that the better. The whole not going into the house helps weed those type of women out sooner and help me get closer to the more conservative types who understand like I do the emotional and psychological effects that sex has on me and why it is better to spend alot of quality time with a person and build a history together before sleeping together. Sex can be addicting and cloud my mind's ability to be objective if done too early. I think this is excellent self-knowledge. I believe you when you say these things. I wonder if simply being in the house (hypothetically, of course) predisposes you to believe that sex is the next logical step? 1
todreaminblue Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 I think for me the biggest concern with having sex too early when I have only been out with a woman for a few dates is that once I sleep with her then I get blind sighted and my mind gets clouded and I can't look at the relationship objectively and let my rational mind govern my decisions. I begin to become enslaved with passion and feelings ruling my decisions. That's dangerous for the long term. So obviously I wouldn't be compatible with a woman who has a liberalized attitude about sex. Not saying there's anything wrong with her. Just that we are not compatible and the sooner we find out the truth about that the better. The whole not going into the house helps weed those type of women out sooner and help me get closer to the more conservative types who understand like I do the emotional and psychological effects that sex has on me and why it is better to spend alot of quality time with a person and build a history together before sleeping together. Sex can be addicting and cloud my mind's ability to be objective if done too early. do you assume darren that women who invite you into their house to get to know you.....are liberal when it comes to sex?...i do believe it can cause an instance or instances in one or both of the daters.... of expectation...but it is possible to enter a womans home and not head straight to the bedroom ....deb 1
Author Darren2013 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Posted September 13, 2014 do you assume darren that women who invite you into their house to get to know you.....are liberal when it comes to sex?...i do believe it can cause an instance or instances in one or both of the daters.... of expectation...but it is possible to enter a womans home and not head straight to the bedroom ....deb No but the sex can still happen unplanned. Even if the initial reason for the invitation was just water or small talk unplanned sex happens sometimes. I mean how many women are going to say "Would you like to come in for sex?" even if that is on her mind. 1
mightycpa Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 No but the sex can still happen unplanned. Not if you're militant about THAT rule. If you are, then the one about coming in the house can be relaxed from time to time. Think about that, and let me know what I haven't considered. 2
GravityMan Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Crumple up and throw these damn rules in the trash. It is better for you (and her) to pick up on each other's vibes and just go with what feels natural for both of you. If that means making out on the first date and sex on the second (or even the first), then fine. If that means taking things slower, that's fine too. Every date pairing has its own unique dynamic. Don't overthink this...that may come back to bite you. To me, all that's needed for someone (man or woman) to be a so-called "challenge" is to... a) have a life of his or her own, and value that. Friends, interests, hobbies, career, side projects, yada yada yada. b) have self-respect c) have a backbone People who have those three things will not drop everything and won't completely rearrange their lives just because they're dating someone they're attracted to. Those things can be maintained while still communicating clear interest and without playing "hard to get" or games in general.
guest569 Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 But is there a clause in this rule to where it can be bent under special circumstances? Sure. It would have to be a rare situation such as positive documentation that I have terminal cancer and have less than 5 minutes to live. Then sure I would go into the house if invited after one date. But most of us don't know how long we are going to live so that kind of scenario is very rare. Wow! you would spend your last 5 minutes on earth, going into her house, getting naked together and having say 3-4 minutes of sex before keeling over in her arms. Romantic!! Haha
Art_Critic Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 I would go, to me this is like going to Dairy Queen and being given a free Ice Cream cone and instead of eating you just let it melt in your hand and then throw it away... If you spend the entire evening setting this up then why not follow through with it, to not would be a red flag to her.
irc333 Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 I would go, to me this is like going to Dairy Queen and being given a free Ice Cream cone and instead of eating you just let it melt in your hand and then throw it away... If you spend the entire evening setting this up then why not follow through with it, to not would be a red flag to her. Its because people think they are coming up with great dating advice by throwing out percentages and tying them to "interest levels" as some gauge of achieving some kind of goal with a woman.
Author Darren2013 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Posted September 13, 2014 Wow! you would spend your last 5 minutes on earth, going into her house, getting naked together and having say 3-4 minutes of sex before keeling over in her arms. Romantic!! Haha The 5 minutes thing was an exaggeration on my part. I don't literally mean 5 minutes. But more along the lines like less than 1 month to live. Being terminal is an extreme rare case and if there is positive proof of that then alot of rules can be done away with since there's no chance of any long term relationship anyway.
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