Darren2013 Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Working challenge is important element in dating. This isn't about playing games. It is about a man not taking the chance of overstaying his welcome when out on a date. I believe that most of the dates in the early stages should involve me taking the initiative to end the date first. Like after dropping her off at her house at the end of the date and after walking her to her front door I make it a point to get out of there quickly. I don't stick around for small talk or anything else. If she invites me to go in with her then I say "Thanks but it is getting late and I have a busy day tomorrow". That's an example of working challenge. Not being too happy to be there. Not being so excited to jump on the first offer she puts on the table to go into her house. Going into a woman's house or apartment at the end of a date especially late at night is a very intimate thing and jumping to accept the first offer or worse looking for an excuse to go into her house is a big no no. Don't ask to use her bathroom or she will see right through that as an excuse to get into her house. Exercising challenge also helps guys like me keep our interest level under control. I find that the more I get into the habit of working challenge the more successful I am in talking down my interest level from the 90s down to the 70s. Because rejection is usually harder for men to deal with than women the ideal relationship is for the woman's interest level to be higher than the man's. Her interest level is more important than mine. It is better for her interest level to be 90%-99% while mine is only 70%-75%. In other words men shouldn't be too excited to be there. Interest level in the 70s allows you to remain somewhat detached and objective and keep your eyes open and make decisions based on practicality, logic and rational instead of letting passion and feelings rule your decisions. When a man's interest level is in the 90s he gets blind sighted and forgets about looking ahead long term. He is just too excited about what's happening today. 2
adna89 Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 No i would not like it if a guy was that uninterested...men are men,they like to get into the house (since it could leat to sex:laugh:) ,even if they are not that into a girl.If he refuses, i would be hurt and think he doesnt find me attractive or i would think he is weird and shy(and thats a no no too) 3
Author Darren2013 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 No i would not like it if a guy was that uninterested...men are men,they like to get into the house (since it could leat to sex:laugh:) ,even if they are not that into a girl.If he refuses, i would be hurt and think he doesnt find me attractive or i would think he is weird and shy(and thats a no no too) If he asks you out for another date after declining to go into the house that night then you know he is still interested in you but is trying to be a gentleman and take things slow when it comes to sex. Some guys are "old fashioned and conservative" believe it or not. 2
Author Darren2013 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 Also when the time comes to have sex I think it is much more important that she is enjoying it than me enjoying it. She better be enjoying the sex more than I am. That's the woman I need to be with.
Polak Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 I see where you're coming from. I can agree with that, especially if you're talking about the very first date. Second date and so on, I think you can start loosening up a bit. However, I'm not really with you when you quantify "interest level" into percentages (or any numbers for that matter). I think it's better to act natural but remain grounded in the present. Using numbers starts to make things unnecessarily complicated. Very true that emotions can easily get the better of us in certain situations, so keeping a level head while maintaining excitement is your best bet, in my opinion.
rester Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 I don't agree with this. It's a good way to shoot yourself in the foot. Like those "rules girls". 2
Author Darren2013 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 I don't agree with this. It's a good way to shoot yourself in the foot. Like those "rules girls". But if you are not too happy to be there then it won't feel like a significant loss. That's the point. So even if it backfires as you say it won't be a big deal because you didn't get that attached emotionally anyway.
Gloria25 Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Well, it depends... If you don't want anything serious - of course you'll be happy to accept the invite to her place... Now, if you want to hold back - yes, going into her home/place can set you up for something to happen - especially if there's drinks involved. And yes, a man who cannot control his urges can get himself in trouble...I mean "strange" is always gonna be out there. If you are always chasing strange, you're never gonna be a satisfied/happy person.
Dork Vader Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Sorry dude but what are suggesting is hard to get. You're intentionally trying go be a challenge or hard to get. That is pure games. Dating games are about using actions or lack there of to play with the other persons mind. This is exactly what you are doing! Yeah you don't want to be gushing over her. But there is a difference between that and playing hard to get. 1
Andy_K Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 If he asks you out for another date after declining to go into the house that night then you know he is still interested in you but is trying to be a gentleman and take things slow when it comes to sex. Some guys are "old fashioned and conservative" believe it or not. Newsflash for you. Many/most girls don't need or expect you to take things super slow. As long as you are paying attention to how they feel and don't push them past their comfort level, then you can go as far as you like on whichever date it comes naturally. As for increasing their interest level by being a challenge, I've never yet heard a girl dismiss a guy because 'he slept with her too easily'. When you get that far, it's because they're already interested enough and you don't need any tricks. I don't know about you, but I don't want to just be the 'good guy' that waited. I want to be both that AND the hot guy she couldn't keep her hands off and slept with 'too soon'. 2
Author Darren2013 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 Newsflash for you. Many/most girls don't need or expect you to take things super slow. As long as you are paying attention to how they feel and don't push them past their comfort level, then you can go as far as you like on whichever date it comes naturally. As for increasing their interest level by being a challenge, I've never yet heard a girl dismiss a guy because 'he slept with her too easily'. When you get that far, it's because they're already interested enough and you don't need any tricks. I don't know about you, but I don't want to just be the 'good guy' that waited. I want to be both that AND the hot guy she couldn't keep her hands off and slept with 'too soon'. I didn't say that jumping on the first opportunity for going into the house and sex would get a man penalized but he also doesn't gain any points either. Sure she doesn't lose interest if he jumps on the offer immediately but she doesn't gain interest either. Even if she didn't want me to take things slow what about my comfort level? What if I want to go slow and wait months before I am comfortable enough to go into her house? Is her comfort level the only one that counts and therefore I'm under pressure to go faster just because she wants to go faster? You say I can go as fast as I want if we really click but that also means I can go as slow as I want too. She may make it perfectly clear what the speed limit is but that doesn't mean I have to drive the speed limit? Why? Because she hasn't put up a speed minimum sign. If I am not comfortable going in on the first few dates then there's no posted speed minimum sign that will penalize me for not moving fast.
Assasda Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 I totally understand what youre saying man. Building that attraction and almost teasing her, so she wants it so badly. Like ramping up the sexual tension, then showing her that youre calm about it and youre willing to waiting to wait, and youre willing to wait because you do that thing all the time. Youre not inexperienced like a 14 year old. One thing I disagree with. Women take rejection a lot harder than men in my opinion. But if you are not too happy to be there then it won't feel like a significant loss. That's the point. So even if it backfires as you say it won't be a big deal because you didn't get that attached emotionally anyway. - The thing about that is, women have to earn your emotional availability. You cant just give it away for free, or to someone you just met. I believe that men have a side to them that they reveal to women that they're in love with. Some guys reveal that too quickly. 1
Supernatural Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 I totally agree with everything Darren is saying. The percentages is really true too. If I remain at 70's and her in the 90's... Everything is groovy. I can be in control, smart, and still emotional with passion. This benefits us both because I know she is in good hands with me in the 70's. And if she is in the 90's she just gets to experience and feel. But if I'm 90's and she is 70's... Oh sh*t. This is going to be a disaster. I've said some crazy stuff and come on wayyy to strong in the past. And if I'm in 90's all I think about is her. It's like doing a speech with too much passion and nerves. I'll mess up and just say things. No one is safe when my emotions and interest are in the 90's, not even me. Interest up there is like flying aircraft on coke, scotch and weed. I'll land upside down on a church bell, with the girl being like "WHOA! This is out of control. I need to think..." You always want the woman having more interest than the man. If the man is more interested... Never works.
Andy_K Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 I didn't say that jumping on the first opportunity for going into the house and sex would get a man penalized but he also doesn't gain any points either. Sure she doesn't lose interest if he jumps on the offer immediately but she doesn't gain interest either. Oh yes she does. At least if he knows what he's doing and is not an ass. Having sex massively increases the chance of a woman continuing to see a guy. Perhaps she'll feel closer to him, or perhaps she'll just want to convince herself that he's a decent guy and she didn't make an error of judgement. Whatever the reason, girls are about 100 times more likely to lose interest before sex than after it. 1
Author Darren2013 Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 (edited) Well I think a big part of what makes a relationship worthwhile is finding someone who won't put pressure on their partner to do something they are not comfortable doing. Anything less is not love. I think the right woman would understand if I am not yet comfortable with the idea of going into her house late at night at the end of a date. I don't want to be tempted to have sex or make out with her before I am ready and going into the house alone with her late at night opens the door for that temptation. Maybe I want to take my time getting to know her more before such an intimate activity. A relationship involves 2 people's needs and my comfort level is just as important as hers. Jumping on the first opportunity to go into her house basically sends the message that only her comfort level matters and she gets to run the relationship on her terms only. And quite frankly I would be much more comfortable taking several months to get to know a woman before being alone in her house with her late at night. Which means all dates will be conducted outside. I pick her up, drop her off and walk her to the door and say goodnight and get out of there fast. And my comfort level is such that I feel much more comfortable taking things much slower than she wants it. Because if she is willing to be understanding then she is a keeper. When a woman really likes you then they help you get comfortable. Okay so I run the risk of losing her to some other guy who is ready immediately but that doesn't mean that doing what I am not comfortable doing is the answer. Life has enough situations where we have to do what we don't feel comfortable and I don't need to put icing on the cake when it comes to relationships. Edited September 12, 2014 by Darren2013 1
travelbug1996 Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 During the beginning stages of meeting my ex I asked him if he wanted to come in for a glass of water. He declined and I'm thinking "dude stop being a wuss, I was just offering you a glass of water." Some people do have self control and just because you get offered to enter a woman's home doesn't mean she wants to have sex. Don't make assumptions. If I offer a man in my home its because I feel comfortable enough. I don't put out easily so he may be sitting on my couch a few times. With NO Action. Sounds like you have a problem with self control. 3
Gloria25 Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 During the beginning stages of meeting my ex I asked him if he wanted to come in for a glass of water. He declined and I'm thinking "dude stop being a wuss, I was just offering you a glass of water." Some people do have self control and just because you get offered to enter a woman's home doesn't mean she wants to have sex. Don't make assumptions. If I offer a man in my home its because I feel comfortable enough. I don't put out easily so he may be sitting on my couch a few times. With NO Action. Sounds like you have a problem with self control. Agreed to an extent...^^ Sometimes it's better not to put yourself in a situation where something can happen. Leave two people alone - especially with alcohol - and something could happen.
Fondue Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 During the beginning stages of meeting my ex I asked him if he wanted to come in for a glass of water. He declined and I'm thinking "dude stop being a wuss, I was just offering you a glass of water." Some people do have self control and just because you get offered to enter a woman's home doesn't mean she wants to have sex. Don't make assumptions. If I offer a man in my home its because I feel comfortable enough. I don't put out easily so he may be sitting on my couch a few times. With NO Action. Sounds like you have a problem with self control. If you're inviting a man upstairs with the intentions of not having sex, you're sending all the wrong signals. You invite someone over once you're ready for "it." Otherwise you're just giving mixed messages. And blueballs. 2
Emilia Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Oh yes she does. At least if he knows what he's doing and is not an ass. Having sex massively increases the chance of a woman continuing to see a guy. Perhaps she'll feel closer to him, or perhaps she'll just want to convince herself that he's a decent guy and she didn't make an error of judgement. Whatever the reason, girls are about 100 times more likely to lose interest before sex than after it. Oxytocin. _________
somedude81 Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 If you're inviting a man upstairs with the intentions of not having sex, you're sending all the wrong signals. You invite someone over once you're ready for "it." Otherwise you're just giving mixed messages. And blueballs. Exactly, it's commonly accepted that getting invited in for any reason means sex.
Emilia Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 And quite frankly I would be much more comfortable taking several months to get to know a woman before being alone in her house with her late at night. Which means all dates will be conducted outside. I pick her up, drop her off and walk her to the door and say goodnight and get out of there fast. And my comfort level is such that I feel much more comfortable taking things much slower than she wants it. Because if she is willing to be understanding then she is a keeper. When a woman really likes you then they help you get comfortable. Okay so I run the risk of losing her to some other guy who is ready immediately but that doesn't mean that doing what I am not comfortable doing is the answer. Life has enough situations where we have to do what we don't feel comfortable and I don't need to put icing on the cake when it comes to relationships. Of course your comfort level matters just as much but there are many women that would lose interest if they had to invest in someone months to get a little intimacy. I'm one of them. I'm ok to wait a short while but maximum would be probably 2 weeks if I had to put a time limit on it. Certainly not beyond a month and at that point I'd start wondering whether he had hung ups over sex or serious confidence issues. I don't understand the title of your thread: you said you wanted to be a challenge, now you are saying you are not comfortable with building comfort levels faster? Which one is it?
Author Darren2013 Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 During the beginning stages of meeting my ex I asked him if he wanted to come in for a glass of water. He declined and I'm thinking "dude stop being a wuss, I was just offering you a glass of water." Some people do have self control and just because you get offered to enter a woman's home doesn't mean she wants to have sex. Don't make assumptions. If I offer a man in my home its because I feel comfortable enough. I don't put out easily so he may be sitting on my couch a few times. With NO Action. Sounds like you have a problem with self control. I don't think it is an unreasonable assumption that sex is at least a possibility if I am invited in. It may not happen but there is still the possibility. I don't want to put myself in a situation where there's am open door before I am ready. And if I were the guy invited I would decline going in for a glass of water even if I was thirsty. It isn't going to kill me to drive down to the nearest gas station and get a drink after driving away from her house.
Author Darren2013 Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 Of course your comfort level matters just as much but there are many women that would lose interest if they had to invest in someone months to get a little intimacy. I'm one of them. I'm ok to wait a short while but maximum would be probably 2 weeks if I had to put a time limit on it. Certainly not beyond a month and at that point I'd start wondering whether he had hung ups over sex or serious confidence issues. I don't understand the title of your thread: you said you wanted to be a challenge, now you are saying you are not comfortable with building comfort levels faster? Which one is it? It is both. The things that guys are taught to do to work challenge are things I am more comfortable doing anyway in the early dating stages.
BluEyeL Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I'm not offended if a guy doesn't come into the house early on. I actually don't invite them in. I've met some who made sure they didn't get in, such as texting me from the car from the front of the house:laugh: I wasn't gonna rape them, they just made me smile. Also, if someone comes too strong I see it as unsincere. You can't be just sooo into me when you just met me two weeks ago. I like to take things slow as well. I learned that I don't really bond through sex unless I already liked the guy before that. Early sex with someone I don't dig is not going to bond me. And I love the build up. Sex with feelings is so much better. 1
guest569 Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Inviting someone in doesn't equate to sex. I dont care if a guy declines my offer, or comes in but doesn't have sex, he's not ready. Who cares?
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