Xerxes1986 Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 alright you all know my pathetic story you are all probably tired of hearing my whine but this is my only outlet, the only thing keeping me sane you all told me to forget and move on, but i can't i like her so much, i get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about her. but she has told me very clearly that she only likes me as a friend. She explains her mixed signals because she says that she has a really flirty personality. Somewhere deep down, i have this glimmer of hope that she might like me back, it is really the only thing that keeps me going. My head is telling me there is no chance but my heart is just begging me to keep going because i have this hope, probably a very false hope, that she may one day return the feelings i have for her. in some ways this is worse than flat out rejection. when you get flat out rejected you know its over, its never gonna happen...and you have closure...and you move on. she says she just wants to be "friends". how can i subject myself to the torture of having to be around her always knowing that i can never be with her? that tiny little glimmer of hope is the only reason i can't let her go. i called her tonight and we talked. i wanted to make double sure that she only looked at me as a friend and her answer came back as cold as it was the first time. she still wants to hang out with me because she "really, really likes me as a friend and really enjoys spending time with me" I JUST WANT TO BEAT A STRAIGHT ANSWER OUT OF HER!!! i am tempted just to drive over to her house and kiss her and see her reaction...my heart says that she will like it but my head, which hates me btw, says taht she would be disgusted and hate me for it...it sounds so tempting because either way, at least i will have a firm answer, something that i need right now. why is it that EVERY girl i have EVER been even REMOTELY interested in is either a) taken, b) not interested at all or the worst of all c) just want to be friends? Is it me? Have I done something so horribly wrong that god is punishing me for the choices i made in a past life? i feel like i failure, i am a failure. and being with her will just remind me of that. all i am to every female on this planet is a "really great friend" I HATE BEING A REALLY GREAT FRIEND! I HATE MY LIFE! I HATE HOW I AM ALWAYS SECOND BEST! I HATE THE FACT THAT I HAVE TO USE AN ONLINE FORUM TO RELEASE ALL THAT HAS BUILT UP INSIDE ME! I WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i don't know what to do. should i become so bitter and not open up to any human being ever again? it would certainly prevent me from falling into the dark abyss known as "the great guy friend". i hate this world and everything in it....why should i care? well thats enough of me being a loser...say whatever you want, i don't care anymore
iceisles Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Originally posted by Xerxes1986 I HATE BEING A REALLY GREAT FRIEND! I HATE MY LIFE! I HATE HOW I AM ALWAYS SECOND BEST! I HATE THE FACT THAT I HAVE TO USE AN ONLINE FORUM TO RELEASE ALL THAT HAS BUILT UP INSIDE ME! I WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I totally understand your frustration. We've all been there at one time or another. Have you thought about a vacation? I seriously mean that. Grab a couple of guys and take a road trip or something. You need to get away from all of this. Your recent disappointments have bred some inner contempt, and it is clearly clouding your objectivity. The fact that you get upset is good - it shows you give a damn. But there is a fine line between giving a damn and being consumed by your emotions. I know it's not easy moving on, but you have to. You can either follow the wise words from folks on here, which will make it easier for you (even if it doesn't seem like it right now), or you can continue to wallow in your misery until it completely eats you up inside. You really need to just take a mental break from her, and honestly, romance in general. You need to relax and just take time to clear your head. After all, how can you expect anyone to find you when you can't find yourself? I know it sucks, but I promise it will get better. Just have faith that good things do happen to good people. Ice
Author Xerxes1986 Posted March 4, 2005 Author Posted March 4, 2005 you have no idea how much better i feel just getting all that off my chest! im one of those people that have bottled up and hidden away all of my emotions for my entire life so just getting this little bit off really helps thx for those kind words ice for some reason i have decided to still hang out with that chick...dunno why...if anything happens i'll let you guys know...but i doubt it will....the world hates me but i have grown to accept that...gah im such a pathetic loser
Linlin Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 You are not a pathetic loser. Try not to pay so much attention to this girl. When I decided that I wanted to be with my ex, I was chasing him and he was "I just want to be friends" and then would come on to me and then back to friends. Totally sending mixed signals. One day I decided enough was enough and I sat him down and told him I liked him and couldn't be just "friends" anymore and I could no longer talk or see him. I had to do it for me. I couldn't torture myself. One day passed and he started calling me several times a day, even showed up at my work. I asked him what was up and he said that he realized he wanted more and didn't want to lose me. From that point on we were exclusive. Maybe you need to let her go to see if she comes back to you. Even the guy I liked from a couple posts back decided after a few weeks to try with his ex again. I said good luck to you. You never know when they may come back and if they don't they weren't really into you in the first place and who wants to be the one chasing all the time. Trust me, there are plenty of fish in the sea. I know it sounds so cliche and not what you want to hear. Believe me, I would rather be cuddled up to a big hunk of a man than going out with married friends tonight. But such is life and you never know who you might meet. Chin up!
Author Xerxes1986 Posted March 4, 2005 Author Posted March 4, 2005 well i was thinking that i'll see her sunday...and i'll see if she wants to hang out and talk then i was thinking that i would ask her if she really still wants to be just friends and if so...what boundries need to be set up (can i put my arm around you if we are watching a movie etc.) and what she would do if i tried to kiss her...which i might...and see what she says to that i am too a pathetic loser
iceisles Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Originally posted by Xerxes1986 i am too a pathetic loser Don't say that, even jokingly. You seem like a real nice guy. Have some faith in yourself.
Linlin Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 I think you should just find out if she is into you or she isn't. Maybe you need to read the book "He's not that into you." I know she is probably cute, but there are a million other cute girls. Never settle!! Find someone who feels the same way you do. Don't set yourself up to be hurt. No good can come from having this flexible boundary friendship/love relationship. Someone is bound to get hurt. Probably you. Go out with your friends and party like I am tonight.
EC Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 I say let her go... You can be her friend but you have to realize that she has to be the one to change her mind about you and you asking her a million times if shes sure she just wants to be your friend is not going to get you the answer you want. well i was thinking that i'll see her sunday...and i'll see if she wants to hang out and talk See her on Sunday and hang out as friends. Right now she knows you like her and she knows how much you want her. You need to add a little mystery. girls like that. Play hard to get. If you hang out on Sunday..look at other girls, flirst with other girls..Try not to pay her so much attention. then i was thinking that i would ask her if she really still wants to be just friends and if so...what boundries need to be set up (can i put my arm around you if we are watching a movie etc.) and what she would do if i tried to kiss her...which i might...and see what she says to that Ok if I had a guy friend...and he liked me....and I knew it....and I didn't like him back but still wanted him to be my friend...and he started asking me about boundaries...I would just be weirded out and just uncomfortable with the whole situation. I do not think you should try to kiss her after she has told you she sees you as a friend. You are not a loser. I have read your posts and I think your a cool guy your just going through tough times right now. Eventually you will get the girl. But you can't get the right girl chasing all the wrong girls.
Author Xerxes1986 Posted March 4, 2005 Author Posted March 4, 2005 Originally posted by Linlin Go out with your friends and party like I am tonight. i would if i had any friends to party with Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd You are not a loser. I have read your posts and I think your a cool guy your just going through tough times right now. Eventually you will get the girl. But you can't get the right girl chasing all the wrong girls. thanks...if only people i know in the real world thought the same thing or maybe they do and thats the problem
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