SLK11 Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Ok so the ex and I broke up 22 days ago she was the dumper I did the whole begging thing etc but only a few times. She said there is no way we are ever getting back together and I need to except this and move on so that is what i'm doing. So i'm currently in NC only 4 days now not long but it's a start. But my question is this we were supposed to attend a commitment seminar on September 5th together she is really into these things and I started to go to them with her through out our 7 month relationship we moved rather fast and I lived with her for 4 months. While we were together she paid 500 dollars of the 900.00 tuition I paid the rest and it is paid off. When I saw her last week when she agreed to have coffee even after she said I need to except this and move on so not sure why she agreed to have cofee with me maybe she felt bad I don't know. I told her I was most likely not going to the seminar. The whole time during coffee she was like depressed but when I mentioned I was not going her voice raised and was like WHAT you're not going? I said maybe not I don't have a place to stay while I am there (I was suppose to stay with her) and she said well can't you stay with your friend paula cause I know people that are going etc. I said I don't know and changed the subject. I have a place to stay just not sure if I should go. OK so should I go? me and this girl do not talk and when I did try to talk to her (last week before nc) she is just short with her replies and never initiates contact. We broke up because I was being to clingy etc and she felt smothered. Then we got in a huge fight about something I did no cheating or abuse etc and she broke up with me. So to go or not to go? It is a commitment seminar and I know other people there but i'm just torn if I should go or not mainly because there hasn't been enough healing on my end it is three weeks away so not sure if I should play it on how I feel it type if thing. Any input would be great
mightycpa Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 What is a "commitment seminar"? The only commitment you need to make right now is to No Contact. That $400 is what we in accounting call a "sunk cost". In other words, it is gone. Forget about it, unless you think you can sell your seat to her new boyfriend or some other sucker.
Author SLK11 Posted August 18, 2014 Author Posted August 18, 2014 Wish I could sell the seat lol But if I don't go doesn't that make me look bitter etc.. which in relaity i'm not. Sure i'm sad and I may miss her but there are going to be so many more women in my life whom I will miss all the same. What's done is done time to move on. I just thought if I didn't go she would take it and be like wow he can't even come to a seminar that he made a commitment to do because of how affected he is by me.
mightycpa Posted August 18, 2014 Posted August 18, 2014 Wish I could sell the seat lol But if I don't go doesn't that make me look bitter etc.. which in relaity i'm not. Sure i'm sad and I may miss her but there are going to be so many more women in my life whom I will miss all the same. What's done is done time to move on. I just thought if I didn't go she would take it and be like wow he can't even come to a seminar that he made a commitment to do because of how affected he is by me. Who cares what she thinks? And what is a commitment seminar? Commit to what? And who did you make a commitment to that you would go?
Author SLK11 Posted August 18, 2014 Author Posted August 18, 2014 This commitment seminar is for the individual (me) it's on life etc... nothing on relationships or anything it's just on life in general and how to be true and authentic to ones self and having integrity etc.. it's a few days long and I would be stuck in a room with her and about 60 other people. 1
mightycpa Posted August 19, 2014 Posted August 19, 2014 OK, well, that's all good and fine, I suppose. I will tell you this, however. You want some real life training in how to stay true to yourself and have unassailable integrity? Don't ever contact this girl again. Don't respond if she contacts you. She may very well be a nice person, but to you, she's a destructive force. Skip the seminar and learn about staying true to yourself here in the trenches. It's about you, and in the end, this will make you stronger and more self-reliant than any seminar.
Author SLK11 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 Ok so dated a woman for 7 months and we break up out of no where says she loves me but not in love. For three weeks I did some begging about 4 times total we have been broken up for about a month in a half. I have been in no contact for 16 days, deleted her off everything etc... Well she calls me last night crying (left a voicemail) and I didn't pick up she left a message to say she doesn't want me back (nice punch in the gut pointless reminder) but wanted to say sorry for how she treated me at the end of our break up blah blah blah. So I call her back this morning and hear what she has to say and I told her I don't accept her apology and to please not be selfish and never contact me again. My question is why do they do this I know I shouldn't have called back but I did it to tell her to please respect my space and to never contact me again a part of me also wanted to tell her what she did and how mean she was to me was not forgivable. I seriously just am trying to get her out of my head and bam! she calls. Really gets to me how selfish the dumpers can be she asked for no contact and that's what she got and will keep getting. Why try to apologize it's not going to make any difference. Also was it rude of me to reject her apology? and to tell her to go away?
Author SLK11 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 That's one of the reasons I didn't accept her apology if I did I knew she would go on skipping through life like this person forgave me I can now move on with ease and im a decent person. She has to do it the hard way just like I did.
DKT3 Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 First, I would bet my house there is another guy. Second she likely what's to know your still wanting her. You haven't given her attention so she is missing it. Just flat ignore her, it will drive her crazy.
Author SLK11 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 Yeah I hear ya i'm just to the point where I want this to all end I am now just angry at her and want her to just never contact me again. I will remain in no contact even if she contacts me but in all honestly I couldn't help rejecting her apology is that mean of me? Either way I know I can do better and a part of me kinda feels good she was sad and hurting and apologized god that makes me look like a terrible person but this woman was pure evil at the end of our bu.
tim_tom Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Yeah I hear ya i'm just to the point where I want this to all end I am now just angry at her and want her to just never contact me again. I will remain in no contact even if she contacts me but in all honestly I couldn't help rejecting her apology is that mean of me? Either way I know I can do better and a part of me kinda feels good she was sad and hurting and apologized god that makes me look like a terrible person but this woman was pure evil at the end of our bu. The problem is... Responding the way you did allows her to rationalize-- "what a jerk, I don't feel bad anymore".. you unintentionally gave her what she wanted. NC leaves her hanging and wondering. and fwiw.. I know cause I just did similar, I should've never broke NC cause now she thinks I'm not contacting her only because I'm mad at her. Before, it could've been mad at her, hurting too much, moved on/seeing some else. Much more anguish for them not knowing
Author SLK11 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 Oh I don't mind if she knows i'm mad at her cause I very well am I hope she sees this as don't ever come back and contact me again I just feel like an ass waiting for her apology knowing damn well it would come and knowing damn well I would tell her no thank you. I was good to her and she knows it and I also know I can do better and don't ever want anyhing to do with her. Just felt like it was a slap in the face to even say sorry in the first place kind of rude in a way. She wants me to respect her wishes but when it comes to mine she can't do the same. I needed to put my foot down that she can not just come in and say what she wants when she wants. It's over she asked me to respect that fact now I am asking the same of her.
Author SLK11 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 Sorry I am kind of just ranting I am upset at a lot of stuff I suppose 1. That I could not be a bigger person and forgive her but I am just not a place where I am able to do so. And 2. that she contacted me in the first place to say sorry and it was a ****ty apology to begin with. I am just ranting and raving on forgive me all. Just the actions of some people baffle me. Clearly I am not over her and I wish I was but she is not helping me either with her half hearted bs attempts of an apology after not speaking to me but once after the break up to say I need to move on from this.
No Limit Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Doesn't matter if she contacts you first - you aren't obligated to respond to her messages or take her calls. Stop letting her "apologize". You aren't going to heal anytime soon because you aren't doing NC.
Author SLK11 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 Yeah I am no longer going to respond if she cantacts me again I need to focus on my healing. I thought by her crying she had something constructive to say or something heart felt at least. But it was the same ole non authentic woman I dated for the last 7 months with nothing but hot air coming out. Wish I didn't call her back but I did no need to dwell on it. It took me back some on my healing but i'm going to pick myself up learn from the lesson and keep on moving forward one step at a time.
Recommended Posts