Darren2013 Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I pretty much always had this self imposed rule without ever looking at company policy about dating that coworkers are off limits. After posting about my crush at work and after thinking over some things I pretty much have come full circle back to the same conclusion that it probably will not be a good idea. Therefore I will not be making any moves with or without any obvious encouraging signals on her end to ask her out. As most of us men know asking a woman out at work puts our job on the line and at risk for sexual harassment charges even if she did give encouraging signals repeatedly. I've spent alot of time thinking this over and really it is much better if she were to ask me out. Again ideally it isn't a good idea to date at all in the workplace but if I did it would only be because she asked me out instead of me asking her out. Even if she did ask me out I would have to tell her I need to think it over carefully since we are colleagues and I don't think it is wise. Plus I would explain the situation to her about how I plan to leave this job in a year and by then it would be a better time to go out since we don't have to worry about complications with work. Is it really the end of the world if we don't go out? Not really. Will it suck for awhile to wait a year to ask her out when I have finally moved to another town with a different company? Yes. Will it suck if she isn't even available by then? Yes. But keeping a good report with my job is a higher priority to worry about than the risk that she won't be still single a year from now. So when it comes to the workplace it is better if the woman is asking the guy even to go grab coffee on lunch breaks and stuff. Just let her come at me and let her initiate all the contact that is beyond professional level. I think following those guidelines will serve me and other men well at work.
Gloria25 Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Well, what you can do "now" is keep good relations with her. Chat her up about work, your day/her day and keep it friendly and professional. I have male friends I chat with at work...when we have training and stuff I may even sit with them, walk with them during breaks and I have NO romantic interest in them - So, my point is that you can establish a "base" with her so that if you chat her up a year from now, you have something/somewhere to start off on. Besides, the best romantic relationships have a "base" (i.e. friendship). If one day you if you do actually want to chat her up and a year has gone by...maybe you can look her up and use the excuse that you need to list people as references and if she would mind that you list her. If she's open to letting you use her as a references then maybe at that time you can let her know that you wanted to date her now that you are in another job.
Author Darren2013 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 We did have to work together today and it was very civil on both ends. She also sat next to me on a break bench. There was plenty of space on that bench for her to move farther away from me but she didn't. I also didn't move. I stayed right where I was. Doesn't really mean anything but at least I can take some comfort that she does not feel disgust around me. Usually if a person feels disgust around a person they try to stay away. So IF she suspects that I do have a crush on her then her sitting next to me today when she didn't have to is a good sign that she doesn't feel disgust about me liking her. Which leads me to believe that all this time that she was kind of avoiding me before may very well be for the same reason I avoided her and that is due to nervousness and freezing up when I am around her. Just last week she was quickly looking away from me when I waked past her. I did the same thing with the looking away from her for weeks. So for her to now sit next to me is kind of odd. I also noticed her mirroring some of the things I have improved upon in my professional performance. In the last few weeks I have taken more initiative at my job and done more things above the call of duty. Just today I noticed that about her taking more initative. So we will see what happens as time goes on.
mightycpa Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I can take some comfort that she does not feel disgust around me. Dude, relax a little bit! You need some confidence before you take this girl out. If I heard you right, you have a year to get it. Is there a friend that can help you unwind a little bit?
Author Darren2013 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 Oh I won't be asking her out anytime soon. But if I notice a pattern on her end where she is slowly lowering the walls then I will slowly lower my walls too but since it is the workplace if anyone is asking anyone out it will be her asking me out. Otherwise it won't be until after I leave this job that I ask her out.
Emissary Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I've had a lot of bad experiences dating co-workers. I just couldn't stop setting myself up for let down after let down. I then expanded my horizons to our abundance of customers, I had some success, but it really wasn't a good experience. I hope I'm doing the right thing now by reaching out to an entirely different area. Family and Friends, the daughter of my Dad's co-worker/friend, I have a good feeling about the two of us. Amusingly enough, I'm almost still doing the co-workers thing, except I'm shifting the awkwardness onto my Dad instead haha. He's going to kill me...
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