The 3 month mark and anxiety

[abby_tx]

Hello,

 

I seem to have a pattern in dating where I am really good in relationships up until about the 3 month mark. Then I worry about where things are going. I am with a great guy now. I really like him and I can tell he really likes me. He's a few years younger than me (I'm 32), so I haven't wanted to put pressure on him with where we're headed relationship wise, but as I start to fall harder for him it seems really risky not having some sort of talk to see if we want the same things. We're also very introverted, so we don't hang out more than 2-3 times a week. I worry our personalities will make the relationship progress a little more slowly than others so in that way I don't know if it's time to address it? I read somewhere that girls need to wait for guys to catch up and sometimes their eagerness (with saying I love you, etc.) can cause the guy enough anxiety to bow out when if they'd just been more patient he may have gotten to that point himself and a great relationship could have grown from it. Who knows!!

 

Anyway, just curious if anyone else gets the three month anxiety and how to overcome it!!

[smackie9]

How about this....are your expectations being fulfilled? Does he treat you the way you want to be treated ie: amount of affection, time spent alone, time spent going out, time spent together with a group of friends, time spent with each others families, etc. Do you feel you both are a part of each others life? or do you two just meet up for sex, watch a movie and that's it. Is 2 to 3 times a week enough or you wish to spend more time with him?

[smackie9]

btw, no guys don't need to "catchup". That's a load of bull. Everyone is different, and it can depend on the person they are seeing and how they make them feel. You can meet someone where the sparks just fly, and there are time you warm up to someone and develop feelings.

[abby_tx]

How about this....are your expectations being fulfilled? Does he treat you the way you want to be treated ie: amount of affection, time spent alone, time spent going out, time spent together with a group of friends, time spent with each others families, etc. Do you feel you both are a part of each others life? or do you two just meet up for sex, watch a movie and that's it. Is 2 to 3 times a week enough or you wish to spend more time with him?

 

He treats me very well. When I'm with him in person, I feel fulfilled. He texts me on days we don't see each other. The past two weeks we haven't been able to get together as much so I haven't felt as confident about things. I want more in person time now. But is it an 'off' couple weeks where we couldn't get together or is this the new norm and I need a talk? I saw him for a few hours Wednesday and maybe 7pm on (spent the night left in the morning) on Saturday. That was it for the week, so I definitely want more.

[abby_tx]

btw, no guys don't need to "catchup". That's a load of bull. Everyone is different, and it can depend on the person they are seeing and how they make them feel. You can meet someone where the sparks just fly, and there are time you warm up to someone and develop feelings.

 

The sparks flew instantly with us and on our third date, fourth date, and fifth date he kept smiling and telling me how much he liked me. But since then no 'serious' words have been spoken.

[michellew]

The same thing happens to me around 3 months, except I end the relationship and run when I start to feel this way.

 

The best advice I can give is to try your best not to show your anxiety, don't act any different than you have been from the beginning, and don't start to play games out of fear.

 

He has invested three months with you for a reason. If he didn't like you, it would have ended after a few dates. Just be patient, keep doing what you're doing, and be yourself.

[abby_tx]

But if I hang with all other friends more than I see him, it feels "off."

 

I don't know. Ill try to be patient. I hate being so anxious and scared. Being dumped my the guy I was with 7 years has done a numbe on me

[Zippy2000]

Try not to focus too much on 3 months.

 

Think of it as a time frame. Every relationship is different. You`ll be okay.

[DazedandConfused8]

Hello,

 

I seem to have a pattern in dating where I am really good in relationships up until about the 3 month mark. Then I worry about where things are going. I am with a great guy now. I really like him and I can tell he really likes me. He's a few years younger than me (I'm 32), so I haven't wanted to put pressure on him with where we're headed relationship wise, but as I start to fall harder for him it seems really risky not having some sort of talk to see if we want the same things. We're also very introverted, so we don't hang out more than 2-3 times a week. I worry our personalities will make the relationship progress a little more slowly than others so in that way I don't know if it's time to address it? I read somewhere that girls need to wait for guys to catch up and sometimes their eagerness (with saying I love you, etc.) can cause the guy enough anxiety to bow out when if they'd just been more patient he may have gotten to that point himself and a great relationship could have grown from it. Who knows!!

 

Anyway, just curious if anyone else gets the three month anxiety and how to overcome it!!

 

1. Introverts can hang out more than 2-3 times per week...

 

2. Stop putting timelines on things. Nothing changes when you pass that magical three month mark. Continue having your relationship in the way you feel comfortable, regardless of what the calendar says.

[organizedchaos]

Hello,

 

I seem to have a pattern in dating where I am really good in relationships up until about the 3 month mark. Then I worry about where things are going. I am with a great guy now. I really like him and I can tell he really likes me. He's a few years younger than me (I'm 32), so I haven't wanted to put pressure on him with where we're headed relationship wise, but as I start to fall harder for him it seems really risky not having some sort of talk to see if we want the same things. We're also very introverted, so we don't hang out more than 2-3 times a week. I worry our personalities will make the relationship progress a little more slowly than others so in that way I don't know if it's time to address it? I read somewhere that girls need to wait for guys to catch up and sometimes their eagerness (with saying I love you, etc.) can cause the guy enough anxiety to bow out when if they'd just been more patient he may have gotten to that point himself and a great relationship could have grown from it. Who knows!!

 

Anyway, just curious if anyone else gets the three month anxiety and how to overcome it!!

 

I don't. Why are you worried about where things are going after just 3 months?

[smackie9]

The sparks flew instantly with us and on our third date, fourth date, and fifth date he kept smiling and telling me how much he liked me. But since then no 'serious' words have been spoken.

 

He wants to make sure it's more than lust. You should give the guy a chance to be sure he wants to take things to the next level. Some don't say any thing for 6 months, some don't say the L word ever, but show it instead. Be patient.

[smackie9]

But if I hang with all other friends more than I see him, it feels "off."

 

I don't know. Ill try to be patient. I hate being so anxious and scared. Being dumped my the guy I was with 7 years has done a numbe on me

 

Dated someone for 7 years without a ring? Most that drag their heels for that long, shows that they don't want to get married or are ify about your relationship to begin with. I can see why you are in a state.