Ordinaryday Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 if you werent worried/didnt care about looking pathetic, creepy, desperate, stalkerish and all other things unpleasant? what would you say to them, hypothetically, to let them know exactly how you feel?? I know people here say "I have nothing to say to them" and I know what you mean, but HYPOTHETICALLY if you were going to tell them how you felt about the breakup and everything, what would you say to them?? I thought about it and what I would say to my ex would be: "relationships are about being together through the good and the bad times. we had good times but you decided that you couldnt handle the bad times and you deserted me when I needed you most. You decided that it was all too much for you and it was better to just give up on me and walk out than to stick with me and fight through it. I would have never done the same to you. I would have NEVER given up on you, and I never did, no matter how hard things got. I stuck with you and counselled you and helped you through all your problems but when I needed you to do the same for me you said it was too much and quit on me. I will never forget that, nor will I ever forgive that. we are not going to be friends. we are not going to be acquaintances. if you ever see me in the street please turn your head the other way and pretend you dont see me, and I will do the same for you. because you gave up on me when I needed you most, and because of that I want nothing to do with you ever again". I WOULD NEVER send this letter to her (it would look creepy, pathetic, desperate, etc) but that is how I feel and hypothetically if I didnt care about looking those things and she was right in front of me that is what I would say to her. what would you say to your dumper hypothetically?
BridgetGrey Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Although it was mutual in our case we both ended things, but I did told him everything I think lol I was honest and told him he would never have a lasting relationship as he won't comprise and stick around and likes to move around ...plus some other things . Deep down people change but they do not change. He is a guy yes he will date another girl in months or years , but will be stick around as he is likely to walk away when problems arises and he will move into another city or country in a year or two lolz.
evanescentworld Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 If it didn't feel right, you were probably right. I'm over it. 1
emotionalMess Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I already wrote and sent that letter you did not send and I no longer carry the burden that you are carrying. You see, I don't care how she perceives me because I am who I am and it's really her loss not mine. So in my mind, if anyone carries any burden today its her and not me. Knowing her, she is carrying this burden but it is what it is, I can't change that. 1
Zzyxx Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Yeah, I also pretty much told my ex to her face what I thought, though I probably shouldn't have, but oh well, I didn't really feel any worse for it. I guess I'd reiterate that I really wish she would have just communicated all those other lesser things that bothered her so much, so I'd have a chance to actually do something about it. Again, I'd own up to not really understanding her one need that she actually did try to communicate, but she knows that I was successfully changing because I started to before I knew she was going to dump me. Things are different now. I'm different now. If she hadn't just wanted to bail just because she lost her job and has a new view on life, she'd see how much better it would be, and that things and people are capable of learning and growing. If she hadn't just bailed she'd see that we would have grown together and not apart. I'd also say that it sucks I wasted all that time and energy trying to support her when she was so stressed about her job and her job was coming in the way of our relationship and she literally got rid of me the week she got a fat severance package and decided to go travel and have a good time, leaving me in the dust. I've already said all this though and you still never get the reply you want to hear. I even texted her yesterday when I was moving out saying that I really wished that I didn't still love her and she said, " love you too dear, but we weren't good together :(" then some other stuff. I replied, "I'll never believe that, cause I know it's not true, but thanks." Cause we were good together, her losing her job just brought on gigs and a bunch of other stuff, but whatever, she's gone now and I said what I had to say.
tim_tom Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I think it doesn't matter what you say, it falls on deaf ears. And as much as we'd like to think we say things like you wrote just for closure and begin healing, i think the reality is a letter like that is really intended to get them to see the light and come running back to you. When they don't, your journey towards moving on is set back. I've had exchanges with my ex that resulted her calling me up crying about losing me. I felt good, like I still mattered to her, like I had a chance. Then I didn't hear from her for over 2 weeks, and when I finally did, it was cold and business like. When I responded, she made it clear she wasn't coming back. A setback. The reality is, I think, that there can be no reconciliation until you are healed. And by then you may not want it. If my ex came back today, I'd probably be on cloud 9 for a few weeks. Until the burden of what she did weighed down on my psyche. How could I ever trust her again, how could I feel secure in my relationship again? Trust that she wouldn't just run out again then next time she wasn't happy? I don't think I could do it, and I'd only prolong my anguish and waste more time. I think that is why NC is really the best one size fits all solution. You need to move on, as quickly as possible, eliminate all hope, deal with your post BU life and it's ramifications and accept them. Cause the only way a reconciliation would work is when you've successfully done that, and hopefully by then, you'd be the one saying no thank you. 4
DontWakeMeUp Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I would probably say "why couldn't you grow a pair and end it like a man if it wasn't working for you anymore. Why did it have to go on until I caught you with the other woman and you were FORCED to admit how you felt?" Because I get that you can't help it if the feelings die. I do. It has happened to me in other relationships. The difference is I don't string them along for years after realizing I can't love them the way they deserve to be loved just for MY personal comfort.
Missy0724 Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I did the same, said all I needed to say, FOR ME. To get off my chest. Hey, why not? Instead of carrying it around inside of you, it bothering you, driving you nuts? It's not about them. It's about YOU, and speaking up for yourself. If someone does you wrong, hurts you, tell them. All you can do. How they perceive it, take it, receive it, is up to them. They really care and understand you, they will understand and will reach out, want to talk about it. That is how healthy, genuine friendship really works, or should! A two-way street. Yes, thru all the good and all the challenging times... If they don't reply or show no interest - there is your answer. They don't give a crap about how you feel, if they hurt you, don't care that you are taking the time to express how you feel. We all have feelings! If someone can't handle it, then they are not mature and do you want to be friends with someone like that? Who shuts you down, because you speak your mind? This is when you find out if you are truly friends with someone. When you try, and they walk away. Again. Say what you want, life's too damn short. Get your answer and things will go from there. But LISTEN to their response or lack of response...You will find out if they truly a caring friend, or not. Then you can move on... Find friends who are mature and can handle the ups and downs of life, a relationship. Some people cannot, do not have those tools. Does not make them evil people. We get the choice of who we want in our lives, who deserves to be beside us. And who to let out of our lives, if they cannot meet us at least half way, and TRY to work with us. Yes, relationships are work sometimes! Good ones, anyway!
mightycpa Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I know it's been a long time, but I'm just not ready to talk to you yet. I'll call you when I am.
HurtingGirl Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 I told my ex when finding out he moved in with a girl a month after our split that it was not the relationship I thought it was. A man in love would have not done it. He said he did love me but I couldn't believe it. I told him he was heartless. He responded to it with yes that's me heartless. And I have not texted back. That was yesterday. It hit me hard so hard but I can no longer text him now that he admitted this. I had to tell him how I felt before I committed to NC.
mightycpa Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 I'd like to amend my answer. It pretty much depends on which one I saw.
Priv Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 I slept with your younger sister. She doesn't have a sister but it would be soooooo nice to be able to say that lol
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 What was the main event at Wrestlemania III?
RDawg Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 I've had make believe conversations in which I spew my guts, but now, almost 1 year later.. I would say nothing. I can honestly say I hope to never see her again.. never hear from her again. I have learnt everything I can from this. A conversation would serve no purpose. 2
Hollywood-Tourist Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 I would say to whoever dumped me - f*ck you!! Your loss. 1
dumbass2 Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 You are the most wonderful, amazing woman I have ever met. I feel so blessed that you allowed me to be a part of your life. It was a wonderful journey and you gave me so much. I hope that you find the man of your dreams, the one that meets all 5,673 of your lofty expectations. You deserve the best! I'm being sincere
mightycpa Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 Take me back baby! I'll change! I'll do anything you want! Just please, please, please TAKE ME BACK! 1
Missy0724 Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Haha - I DID say what I wanted to say to my dumper. And felt damn good to speak my mind just ONCE, and be completely clear on what a selfish, insensitive human being he is, based on his actions, how he treated me, leading me on, while he not over his ex, still in love with her. Especially after he broke up with me and threw the "let's be close friends" BS card. Let him know I was well aware what that was all about... Spoke my mind, got it all out, then blocked him, cut all ties. Done. Closure. He's probably stewing, bc he knows I'm right. I got the last word after being manipulated for 10 months. Tough ****. I took back the control. He is a control freak, huge ego. So I am happy I got my say...and put him in his place, cut ties, told him it was "dead", which he NEVER expected. Yeah, sometimes it feels good to have a little constructive anger, to benefit YOURSELF. After being a doormat for so long... Live and learn. And just maybe he will think about it, and not do the same thing to his next victim... 1
Strength in Healing Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I would say you hurt me beyond recognition, not just with the breakup and moving on fast, but for how you acted many times during the relationship. But I still care about you, and will always care.
WorryGirl Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I'm no longer angry with my ex who recently broke up with me. We're not doing NC, but haven't spoken since Sunday. So I could message him at any time, but right now the only thing I want to say to him is "I love you", but I don't need to because he knows that already.
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