It's been two months, his still angry and I'm still a mess

[FailedFirstLove]

I've only contacted him twice in the two months. He jut got angry cause I was just impossible to deal with. I had a lot of problems and was a mess. He thinks I'm a psycho cause I thought he kept putting others before me.

 

Last time he needed about three months overall to cool down and come back. Thus time two months and his still so angry. Wants nothing to do with me.

 

Don't people cool off after anger? And start missing the other person? Doesn't he miss me? Was I just nothing. He was never close to anyone before me and I was his first love. His 27now.

 

I can't seem to get over him. I'm a mess. I try to tell myself his done. And them hope comes back. Previously a while ago he told me he was done but came back after awhile and said he just needed time. I know. Don't hold onto hope. I can't seem to let go

[Ordinaryday]

People get over breakups differently and some people do have anger and resentment towards the other person and they feel it is best to just completely remove that person from their lives 100%. contacting him, even politely to say hi or apologise or whatever, may just set him off again. it is best just to leave him alone.

 

other people take breakups differently to me but my approach is 100% No Contact. I don't want to be friends with the girl who dumped me, courteous towards her, be her acquaintance, nothing. I dont want her saying hi to me, or texting me a happy birthday or nothing like that. and any contact from her, no matter how polite, would just set me off.

 

as far as I am concerned being in my life and being in contact with me is a privilege, not a right. and she gave up that privilege the moment she dumped me.

[FailedFirstLove]

I can understand your point. but I didn't do the dumping. He did. When you were angry did you struggle at all? Did you miss her? Still love her? Remmeber the good times?

 

How does one just completely cut off no feelings. No nothing. It's like a killed his loved one or something. I didn't even breakup.

[Ordinaryday]

 

How does one just completely cut off no feelings. No nothing. It's like a killed his loved one or something. I didn't even breakup.

 

They DONT just 'completely cut off' instantly, what you need to understand is there is a difference in where the dumper and the dumpee is at the time of breakup.

 

for dumpers breaking up with you doesnt come out of the blue, it is not a decision they make on the fly - they make it after careful consideration of the relationship and them deciding that their life is better without you in it than with you in it.

 

dumpees often say that they remember their dumper being 'cold' and 'distant' in the weeks leading up to when they got dumped - this is because the dumper was emotionally disconnecting from the relationship at that stage so they didnt seem 'into' it.

 

so at the moment the dumper drops you THEY ALREADY HAVE DONE A LOT OF THEIR GRIEVING and they already have gotten over you (to an extent) while for a lot of dumpees the decision comes out of nowhere, or is at least unexpected, so they JUST START the grieving process while the dumper is well through it.

 

don't reach out to dumpers, dont give them that satisfaction.

 

and I mean it, I believe being in contact with me is a privilege not a right and dumpers choose to forfeit that privilege when they dump me. I wont say even one word to them after they dump me, I refuse to respond to breadcrumbs or make small talk if I bump into them, I just ignore them.

 

it might be a good idea to do the same.

[FailedFirstLove]

He wasn't distant with me. But he hates fights. And we had a few before the final blow. He doesn't take petty fights well. It's like it overwhelmed him.

 

If I could just cut off I would. Sometimes I just struggle so bad. How do you just not have hope? everytime I keep thinking. His done this before when his angry. But he needed time.

 

I just wish I was you guys. Where you just cut it and let go. But I can't hold myself. All the good times comes back and I just get weak.

[infamousma]

IPreviously a while ago he told me he was done but came back after awhile and said he just needed time. I know. Don't hold onto hope. I can't seem to let go

 

honestly he sounds like me. Most guys cant make up their minds on what to do after the breakup because its a big change of going from something to nothing... Seems like youre still in his mind but I would not put all your efforts into hoping. At this time we all need to heal and better ourselves. I guess give him the time and seem you need it to. It's not easy to let go and if it was, then was there ever really a connection?

[FailedFirstLove]

honestly he sounds like me. Most guys cant make up their minds on what to do after the breakup because its a big change of going from something to nothing... Seems like youre still in his mind but I would not put all your efforts into hoping. At this time we all need to heal and better ourselves. I guess give him the time and seem you need it to. It's not easy to let go and if it was, then was there ever really a connection?

 

 

 

Yeah it's been a couple times now where his done this. He says he gets depressed and pushes everyone away.

Does time help someone like you? it's been over two months now. I've barely contacted him but he is still so angry. I'm such a big mess now. At the beginning I thought. It would be okay. He will cool off. But nothing. He doesn't want me in his life.

[infamousma]

Yeah it's been a couple times now where his done this. He says he gets depressed and pushes everyone away.

Does time help someone like you? it's been over two months now. I've barely contacted him but he is still so angry. I'm such a big mess now. At the beginning I thought. It would be okay. He will cool off. But nothing. He doesn't want me in his life.

 

 

seems like we are playing role reversal here XD I was the dumper though but my ex seems very cold to me whenever we talk and seems to dissect every little thing I say or do as if it were my fault for the breakup -.- I guess all we can do is just give it time and see what happens. let him contact you cause Im sure he will but I dont want to give you hope. Keep on with your life. easier said than done...but when you feel your emotions are good with him. then contact him on your own term and try to be friends and take it from there really.

 

honestly we are all different and handle things differently.

[NC-Thomas]

as far as I am concerned being in my life and being in contact with me is a privilege, not a right. and she gave up that privilege the moment she dumped me.

 

I like this attitude. You know what you're talking about.

 

That's why, as a dumpee, you should always consider your dignity a priority and keep NC.

 

Because keeping in touch is for the dumper, not for the dumpee in 90% of the cases.

[FailedFirstLove]

seems like we are playing role reversal here XD I was the dumper though but my ex seems very cold to me whenever we talk and seems to dissect every little thing I say or do as if it were my fault for the breakup -.- I guess all we can do is just give it time and see what happens. let him contact you cause Im sure he will but I dont want to give you hope. Keep on with your life. easier said than done...but when you feel your emotions are good with him. then contact him on your own term and try to be friends and take it from there really.

 

honestly we are all different and handle things differently.

 

Haha

Man something's are just twisted. He pretty much made it clear he doesn't want me anymore. And it has been quite a long time now. Hitting 3 months and not a sign of even a little friendliness. I tried contacting him a couple times. All of them went to hell!"don't want me in his life"" doesn't want anything to do with a psycho" Set me back to day 1. Hurtful words over and over.

 

we will be okay in the end. I do look forward to being happy and successful one day. with or without him. I Iove him to death but when his angry his like a loose canon. He swears and goes nuts. I brang up what if we had kids once. And all of it was blamed on me. I was the one who pissed him off.

Apparenlty "scientifically proven, people who swear are honest". I just don't choose to swear cause I feel like those extra words don't do any good. Just adds fuel to the burning flame. And when he does that it upsets me so much.

[FailedFirstLove]

I like this attitude. You know what you're talking about.

 

That's why, as a dumpee, you should always consider your dignity a priority and keep NC.

 

Because keeping in touch is for the dumper, not for the dumpee in 90% of the cases.

 

Sadly when anxiety hits. I have no dignity when his good. His great. But angry version is like unleashing Godzilla. And it continues for months and months.

 

I truly respect people that can walk away. I wish I could just stick to

It and not Look back

[FailedFirstLove]

My friend had messaged him lasttime when I told her I wasn't ready to see the things. He took it as I wanted things my way. And was more determined to bring it to me himself. He would not let her go get it. ( they live almost next door) or he won't go leave it at her place. Cause I wud be having it my way.

 

 

So after my ex drops off my stuff on Sunday without me knowing. I was heart broken and torn. I decided I can't take it anymore and rather not contact or anything from him. However he still had something's he had to return.

 

He said he wud again find another time. I decided I don't want to deal with this pain anymore. I was tlakinf to my friend. I told her just keep it simple and say don't worry about it. But she full on went and said.

"Just throw it out.she said She doesn't want it anymore. ". Firstly. I told

Her I didn't want it thrown out!! I just don't want to deal with it at this time. Arghhhhhhh so his probably going to chuck a fit and be even more pissed at me. I had to break contact and sent him a message saying ignore it. And I didn't say throw it out.

 

But seriously. I don't want to deal with his harsh words and actions anymore. And I told her that it would cause so much trouble if she said that. And she did.