Sad26 Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 My ex gf just stopped communicating with me. That was her idea of break up. I tried several times to contact her, and she ignores my calls and messages. It's been three months and I am not able to move on, whilst she is partying. Twice in the last three months, I caved in from NC, and contacted her. She simply ignored my Whatsapp messages. I just need one final talk with her and this denial is killing me. I don't want her, just a conversation. My pain is unbearable and I feel so helpless that I can't do anything to have one talk. How do I take away the need for this final conversation
Reels Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Nothing will happen at least for now. All you have to do is, take some break from this all conflict. But don't stop progressing in your life.
Author Sad26 Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 I needed this conversation to move on. Without this I feel like used toothbrush. If I ever meant something to her then she would not have sent me a breakup text and stopped communication thereafter.
Author Sad26 Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 It just hurts to be ignored. If she blocks me on whatsapp, I will feel good. If she replies me asking never to contact her again, I will feel good. This plain ignore makes me feel that she does not want to acknowledge my presence even.
evanescentworld Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Closure HAS to come from you, not from her. The only one who can truly turn a page and put a lid on this, is you, not her. More contact with her will simply breed the desire for more contact with her. You're self-harming this way. we often look in horror and amazement at those who admit they physically self-harm, but that's just a physical response to an emotional distress. Everybody self-harms, by doing precisely what you are doing. Hanging on, and not letting go. You need to stop focussing on her giving you the validation you require by responding to you. She's actually doing you a favour by cutting you off. You should appreciate that, and quit trying. 4
Justaguy30 Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 The conversation will likely not help you move on. It will make you feel better if it goes well for a period of time but a week or a few weeks later you will just have more questions. My ex did this to me, I left one night and was never allowed to come back home. She blocked me from everything and months later we finally had a nice conversation and it did make me feel good but it also made me miss her more. The best thing you can do is just realize its over and do your best to move on. Do you want to talk to someone who ignores you for months and won't respond to a simple message? You shouldn't. Sorry you are having such a hard time. I feel your pain 3
mightycpa Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Why do you think you want this? What will change in your life? The truth is that she doesn't want to be bothered about it. That is your closure, you just have to embrace it.
Author Sad26 Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 Thanks to everyone for their replies. Why do you think you want this? What will change in your life? The truth is that she doesn't want to be bothered about it. That is your closure, you just have to embrace it. I want this final conversation to know what did I do for her to suddenly block all communication with me. One day we were all fine, and the next day she sends a text that she is breaking up with me and then no chance for me to talk about it. I have done nothing for her to end things this way. I just need to know what happened and if she thinks I am so worthless, then her to say that to my face. This plain ignore is very humiliating, and I don't know how you could be sleeping with someone in the night and next morning cut him off. What did I do ?
Justaguy30 Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 That is where you are missing out my friend. This is not about you it was about her. Its nothing you did or didn't do it was just about what she wanted and sorry to say it I am pretty sure she met someone else. At least she broke it off with you instead of stringing you along cheating on you for months or something. You should be thankful she didn't do that. 1
Justaguy30 Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 For months I tired to figure out what I could have done and I know what I could have done but the true answer is it wasn't meant to be so just let it be and find peace in the fact that now you have a chance to find someone who really does love you and want you hopefully for the rest of your life. If she told you the whole truth would you like it anyway. Probably not.
Justaguy30 Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 I really do feel your pain, I just woke up missing my ex again. I would love to be able to call her and say hey what are you up to and just chat like we used to but we can't do that. Its sad I know! I miss her 1
Author Sad26 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 I really do feel your pain, I just woke up missing my ex again. I would love to be able to call her and say hey what are you up to and just chat like we used to but we can't do that. Its sad I know! I miss her Yes I think the pain is also because with her not letting me have a conversation means I had no value at all. All the times and moment we had were all fake, they meant nothing. She does not feel even a pinch or else I would have had a chance. I read your posts justguy, and can imagine your pain. At this point it seems having those good days were not worth the present pain.
MrWorkinProgress Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 I think I'm in the opposite position. My ex broke up with me over text, after 3 years. We had lots of problems and had had a previous breakup, but I still can't quite believe it ended that way. However, I know NC is best and I've been doing pretty well at maintaining it. She, unfortunately, is trying to force a conversation, I suspect because she's feeling unsatisfied by the text breakup and wants to get the last word. I don't see what's in that for me and my recovery, and frankly I don't think I owe it to her. In any case, the other posters are right: it won't give you satisfaction and it won't aid your recovery. It will do the opposite. In my experience every contact is like hitting a "reset" button that takes you back several steps in the recovery process. My advice is to accept that - for whatever reason - it's over and put as much of your focus as possible into your own emotional health. Think about all the feelings you're feeling: anger, confusion, sadness, regret, you name it, and sit with them all rather than push them out. You don't need an explanation as much as you need to process all the feelings you're having so that you can get through what is a normal healing process. (And speaking as someone grieving a breakup more recent than yours, I fully acknowledge how much easier this advice is to give than to take)
Justaguy30 Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Life is a learning experience my friend, those wonderful moments you had helped shape you as a person and made those two years wonderful. You will learn a lot from this relationship and learn all the signs to watch out for next time. When you are better you will be stronger! I am almost over this and its been the toughest time of my life but if I can do it you can too! Seriously every time you think about her think how much of an a hole she is and how you would never want anything to do with someone like that. Try it out
Justaguy30 Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 My ex still can't see what she did wrong. After all of that and every horrible thing she did and the nice talk I said we had. Wanna hear the apology I got? She said sorry all of that messed up stuff happened. Not sure I did this or that or sorry I hurt you and treated you like that. Just a general sorry bad things happened. That is it. No responsibility taken. You do not want to be involved with someone who doesn't take responsibility for their actions. It will mess you up and you will never feel okay.
Author Sad26 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 The situation feels so bad. I seem to be having the constant urge to ask her these questions and see what he replies. I want her to tell me on my face that I meant nothing and all that we had was fake. That I was stupid enough to not judge a person and not see fake emotions. I am not able to do anything with this lingering pain. I am losing hope that one day I will feel normal again. I know that I will never get the chance to ask her these questions. How can she live so happily by cutting me off like this.
Pompom Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I feel your pain. It is cruel to get dumped with no closure, no kindness, and see the dumper having a great time, basically at your expense because they owe you to use that time to help you understand. I've been there, still kind of am, and it's awful. Those people are awful. 2
Sugarkane Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 I feel your pain. It is cruel to get dumped with no closure, no kindness, and see the dumper having a great time, basically at your expense because they owe you to use that time to help you understand. I've been there, still kind of am, and it's awful. Those people are awful. Having been in the same situation in the past, this is what pissed me off the most.
bubbaganoosh Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 So you get a chance to talk to her. No doubt the conversation will go back to one question, "Why". I can tell you from experience that the "Why" question will not be good enough. I had to wait 40, count em 40 years for the answer and I may as well have waited 400 years because the answer I got wasn't good enough and it never will be. Right now your persistence is just like you flogging yourself with a whip. Keep it up and you'll go through the skin down to the bone. What you need to do is accept the fact that it's over and move on without dwelling on the why question or any other because if you don't the wounds wont heal and you'll bleed to death. Trust me on this I was 21 when I got burned to a crisp and when I was 61 I finally got the chance to ask and it wasn't worth my time. Move on. Be happy and good luck. 1
Sugarkane Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 I'm not a professional but I think these people are psychopaths. Since they have no empathy or remorse. Sounds right to me. 1
Pompom Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 Having been in the same situation in the past, this is what pissed me off the most. Look on the bright side. Only I can get so unlucky and screwed by fate that that man who was so cruel in just poofing on me for a way older, way uglier hag and broke all his promises, would proudly announce the birth of the result of his betrayal - their child - on MY birthday, where I had to get drunk alone because, other than him, and especially now without him, I have nobody. And yes. Psychopath. Like this one. http://awfuldates.wordpress.com/2014/09/07/liran-izhar-1979-haifa-israel/
Author Sad26 Posted September 11, 2014 Author Posted September 11, 2014 (edited) So you get a chance to talk to her. No doubt the conversation will go back to one question, "Why". I can tell you from experience that the "Why" question will not be good enough. I had to wait 40, count em 40 years for the answer and I may as well have waited 400 years because the answer I got wasn't good enough and it never will be. Right now your persistence is just like you flogging yourself with a whip. Keep it up and you'll go through the skin down to the bone. What you need to do is accept the fact that it's over and move on without dwelling on the why question or any other because if you don't the wounds wont heal and you'll bleed to death. Trust me on this I was 21 when I got burned to a crisp and when I was 61 I finally got the chance to ask and it wasn't worth my time. Move on. Be happy and good luck. I agree with you, and I know even if I would have gotten the meeting it would have done no good. However it is hard to believe that someone who was with me in bed could start ignoring me from the next morning. Not even the simple courtesy of replying to my messages with a hello. The sole objective I had was to hear on my face that I was not worth the human being for her, or I was an object and all that we had was fake. I want to see for myself that how did I misjudge someone that bad, how could I not see the reality of a person. This person flogged me for 6 months because I forgot to mention her that I was sick and went to the doctor. She said she can't trust me anymore. This same person slept with two other guys and told me six months later just before disappearing on me. How was that not trustworthy and how could she flog me for 8 months when she herself was untrue? These questions keep crossing my mind and makes me so frustrated. Wish I had the opportunity to ask these questions to her. Edited September 11, 2014 by Sad26 typo 1
Pompom Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 This person flogged me for 6 months because I forgot to mention her that I was sick and went to the doctor. She said she can't trust me anymore. This same person slept with two other guys and told me six months later just before disappearing on me. How was that not trustworthy and how could she flog me for 8 months when she herself was untrue? These questions keep crossing my mind and makes me so frustrated. Wish I had the opportunity to ask these questions to her. Holy crap. That woman, um, I'm not gonna say it because I don't wanna offend whatever respect you have left for her. Look on the bright side, you seem to have dodged a bullet here. 1
Author Sad26 Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 Holy crap. That woman, um, I'm not gonna say it because I don't wanna offend whatever respect you have left for her. Look on the bright side, you seem to have dodged a bullet here. Yes it just feels like winner takes it all. I have been cheated, dumped, humiliated and not even a chance to say how I feel. This injustice will go to my grave with me.
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