DontWakeMeUp Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I just really want to know if there are others out there for whom it has taken this long to get over an ex. What did you do to get over them? Or did you even succeed? Because I feel resigned to the fact that I never will. For those who are curious: we dated 5 years, lived together, talked of marriage. He cheated on me with a girl from work (at the job I got for him-- worthless SOB). I found out and I moved out that weekend. We have been NC (well as close as I can get to NC as he has tried VERY hard to keep me from succeeding...I had to block his number, change MY number, block his facebook, block his email, and block him on Linked In because he was THAT persistent even though every time I said please leave me alone). I have had 2 somewhat serious relationships since him. I spent a long time being so raging and furiously angry that I had little room for sadness. That was not too bad and I wish I could go back to that, because now I am just sad and bitter. I am with a wonderful man who gives me many things my ex never could. Yet still I cannot move on. Please tell me I am not alone and this is not going to be for the rest of my life. I am 26. I don't think I will live past 30 like this because it has worn me down that much.
Dontfindme Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 It took me 3 years to get over one of my relationships, and as far as I know, I wasn't cheated on. Infidelity is hard to deal with. I believe that it does get better, but yours may just be happening at a slow pace, and your ex's attempts to reach out certainly aren't helping you. Perhaps you can see someone about the unresolved feelings?
AltiumV Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 betrayal never leaves unfortunately, you learn to live with it but it will always linger try to cast aside the bitterness and enjoy life =) all the best 2
Hollywood-Tourist Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 For me it's not even been 2 months & I'm still as hurt, angry & heartbroken as the night it happened. Time is NOT a healer for me, it just doesn't work.
mightycpa Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I just really want to know if there are others out there for whom it has taken this long to get over an ex. ... I am with a wonderful man who gives me many things my ex never could. Yet still I cannot move on....Please tell me I am not alone and this is not going to be for the rest of my life. I am 26. So, I think the first thing you need to do is to define "over". If by over, you mean that it will never hurt you when you think about it, then that's doubtful. But if by over, you mean that you won't think about it for years on end, and you'll be genuinely happy, then yes, that can be your future. I have to wonder if you're wasting your wonderful man's time by sticking around for him when your heart isn't in it. You are ONLY 26. You're going to need to become one with that sadness you feel in order to get rid of it, and Mr. Wonderful might actually get in the way of being able to do it. You're going to need to cry, and what helped me was that I said the things I thought were so great about my ex out loud, and everything I said just didn't ring true. She wasn't the nicest person, we didn't have the greatest sex, we didn't know each others minds, etc., etc., etc. I had to demonstrate to myself that what I felt and what I know are two different things. The other thing I had to come to terms with was that by looking backwards, I was really trying to change the outcome of something that had already happened. In other words, a lot of my thoughts were about fantasy, both about changing things, and about how "great" it was, and I wasn't taking the time to live in the present, with the things and people actually around me. But that takes time to internalize. Better get started. 1
livingnightmare Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 It will pass one day, just got to keep at till it does. I was dumped after nearly 6 years, 6 years ago. Having a child with the woman has forced me to have contact with her now and again. The break up was very cruel on top of a turbulent relationship. Every time I was moving on some contact would happen and things would happen to constantly knock me back over and over. I let my life spiral completely out of control for the first few years drinking heavy, you name it everything you shouldn't do I done and dug my self into a deeper hole. Maybe about four months ago she got in contact under false pretenses with all sorts of mixed messages and revieled she was cheating at the end, this spirraled me back out of control as what I was trying to come to terms with for 5½ years wasnt real. But recently I have had family be a go between for my daughter, and this is the longest I have been able to keep a distance from her. I am actually starting to feel good in myself again even though nearly every area in my life needs working on massively, I have not been in a relationship since, but in a way I know it would not have been good for me when I look at where my mind has just come from. I am now setting up a small investment that should reward me heavily and change my life. What I'm saying is I never thought I would see this light at the end of the tunnel, I really never, but it is appearing in front of my eyes, that day will come for you too one day, it will come for everyone. Now I truly know what kind of person she was and can look at how I played my part and what I must do to rise up from this, big changes are happening. This person wasnt right for you, or they would never have betrayed you. Once you realize that fully and realize you dont need/want him or anyone you will be well on your way. Patience.... there is no written rule on time. This wont last forever.... I can even laugh at myself at times now for things I done after the breakup.. Feel free to read a few of my first posts to see how I once believed my life was over, my life is just starting now I realize it PS when the thoughts start coming be aware of what you are thinking, don't fuel the thoughts, train yourself to shift the thought away, the more you go into the thoughts the worse it gets, the saying out of sight out of mind is true, but so is out of mind out of sight!
Justaguy30 Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 My ex cheated on me a lot with and I am still hurt by the things she did. Its been 7 months and I still miss her. Sometimes you just love someone so much you wanted to spend your life with them but unfortunately they were not good enough to you for that to happen. I still have feelings for an ex of like 10 years but I no longer think about it all the time. Perhaps you should contact your ex and just have a conversation with him. Maybe it will make you feel better. People don't like being blocked like that so he might still be pissed idk
NoLeafClover Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 I just really want to know if there are others out there for whom it has taken this long to get over an ex. What did you do to get over them? Or did you even succeed? Because I feel resigned to the fact that I never will. For those who are curious: we dated 5 years, lived together, talked of marriage. He cheated on me with a girl from work (at the job I got for him-- worthless SOB). I found out and I moved out that weekend. We have been NC (well as close as I can get to NC as he has tried VERY hard to keep me from succeeding...I had to block his number, change MY number, block his facebook, block his email, and block him on Linked In because he was THAT persistent even though every time I said please leave me alone). I have had 2 somewhat serious relationships since him. I spent a long time being so raging and furiously angry that I had little room for sadness. That was not too bad and I wish I could go back to that, because now I am just sad and bitter. I am with a wonderful man who gives me many things my ex never could. Yet still I cannot move on. Please tell me I am not alone and this is not going to be for the rest of my life. I am 26. I don't think I will live past 30 like this because it has worn me down that much. You can not move on...but you are with someone that gives you what your ex can't Already? Wtf? I would be so angry if I were your current bf right now. Can you imagine being with someone who claims they love you etc but yet have a torch still burning for their ex? "What do you mean we are together but you are not over your ex? HUH?" How do you explain dragging someone along? I know this is suppose to be about you, but how would you feel if your ex came on here stating the same thing yOU did while still being with you?
Mary Oak Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 I can't answer your question, as it has also been over two years since my ex left. I hope we will get over it eventually. But, I too have sortof resoloved myself to always feeling like this. As far as your current bf, give the guy a break. You obviously are not emotionally available to him. Let him go. There is no reason to hurt someone else. When you are with someone else, it is easier to "not deal" with your hurt. You should let him go and try to heal.
Strength in Healing Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Sorry to hear this my friend. Alas, if it still hurts, then one (or both) of these scenarios is likely: 1). Something specifically has not been dealt with properly 2). You have been running from the pain and hurt. See, many people (including myself) want to run from the pain. The memories. Triggers. But the reality is, you have to run towards the pain. If you run from it, you aren't really escaping it, you just aren't facing it, and it's free to sneak behind your view and find a permanent, comfy place in your mind to reside as long as it's allowed.
mightycpa Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 You know, one thing that helped me was that I went back over our story, and I looked for a point in time that had I done something different, the outcome would have changed. I couldn't find one... every road led to where I was eventually. Sure, I could get more time, but I couldn't change anything. That helped me a lot, because it led to total acceptance of my situation. You might try that.
irresolute Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 You blocked him. You never stalked him. You took him out of your life and never saw him again. That was almost 3 years ago yet you can't move on. This makes me extremely sad because no contact is supposed to work. Your story is a sad one and makes me think about all this no contact. I've been no contact for 2 months already and still feeling hurt and missing him but I honestly can't imagine living all my life with this misery. your post made me sad. Very sad. I just really want to know if there are others out there for whom it has taken this long to get over an ex. What did you do to get over them? Or did you even succeed? Because I feel resigned to the fact that I never will. For those who are curious: we dated 5 years, lived together, talked of marriage. He cheated on me with a girl from work (at the job I got for him-- worthless SOB). I found out and I moved out that weekend. We have been NC (well as close as I can get to NC as he has tried VERY hard to keep me from succeeding...I had to block his number, change MY number, block his facebook, block his email, and block him on Linked In because he was THAT persistent even though every time I said please leave me alone). I have had 2 somewhat serious relationships since him. I spent a long time being so raging and furiously angry that I had little room for sadness. That was not too bad and I wish I could go back to that, because now I am just sad and bitter. I am with a wonderful man who gives me many things my ex never could. Yet still I cannot move on. Please tell me I am not alone and this is not going to be for the rest of my life. I am 26. I don't think I will live past 30 like this because it has worn me down that much.
me85 Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 First of all, you will most certainly move on. 5 years with someone is a long time and if you lived with him for that long or even 2+ years...that makes it even harder to move on because it's so much like being married to that person. Secondly and lastly, you really shouldn't be involved with anyone seriously IMO. Not until the feelings you have for your ex have completely subsided. I really feel for you. It's been a little over a year since my BU and I'm still not fully over it. So I promise I can relate. Best of luck to you!
Recommended Posts