Apaige Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Made plans with a friend to meet a few people out tonight. It was understood that I wouldn't be able to get out until later 9:00ish. Made arrangements for a babysitter. We both discussed takin my car tonight...which just proves that this was thought out and discussed a head of time. Friend sends me a text at 7:45, to tell me that he was heading to where we were meeting other friends. He left me, and just said " I am leaving, I'll see you there" really!!! I was ditched. When I questioned him, he just said, "no big deal, I'll see you when you get here" are you effing kidding me?! Needless to say, I didn't go, and he just says sorry miscommunication!! Really?!?! It wasn't a miscommunication, because we discussed taking my car. So he promises to make sure that we plan a grown up night on Friday!!!! Wth?! I am 40 years old and don't have time for this shot!!
Survivor12 Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 (edited) I don't understand why it is upsetting you so much & I don't agree that you were ditched. Since you were driving anyway, what difference did it make? Apparently, he decided he didn't want to wait until 9:00--nothing else changed. Personally, I prefer to meet people out so I am free to arrive & leave when I'm ready. But, that's me. Obviously, you feel differently. Edited September 7, 2014 by Survivor12 2
hoping2heal Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Do you have romantic feelings for this friend?
Author Apaige Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 I don't understand why it is upsetting you so much & I don't agree that you were ditched. Since you were driving anyway, what difference did it make? Apparently, he decided he didn't want to wait until 9:00--nothing else changed. Personally, I prefer to meet people out so I am free to arrive & leave when I'm ready. But, that's me. Obviously, you feel differently. Actually, I wasn't going to drive. He was going to drive my car. He wasn't drinking.
CC12 Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I think he's probably being tactful by calling it a "miscommunication." I would call it an overreaction on your part. Yes, you had plans with him, and he didn't stick to the plan 100%. But the goal of that night was to meet with friends, and he did that, and you could have done that if you wanted to. Why didn't you just drive yourself and meet your friends at nine? You missed out on a fun night because...you were trying to prove a point, I guess? Or you wanted to punish him for "ditching" you? Are you two dating? Was this supposed to be like, a special "date"? If so, I could kind of see why you're upset, but still, you could have followed through on the plans, and had a nice date night anyway.
Author Apaige Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 I think he's probably being tactful by calling it a "miscommunication." I would call it an overreaction on your part. Yes, you had plans with him, and he didn't stick to the plan 100%. But the goal of that night was to meet with friends, and he did that, and you could have done that if you wanted to. Why didn't you just drive yourself and meet your friends at nine? You missed out on a fun night because...you were trying to prove a point, I guess? Or you wanted to punish him for "ditching" you? Are you two dating? Was this supposed to be like, a special "date"? If so, I could kind of see why you're upset, but still, you could have followed through on the plans, and had a nice date night anyway. I get that I missed out on a fun night, but plans are plans...no need to rush right over without me. Yes, it would have been a date night, nothing special. But I just thought it was rude. Why even bother making plans with someone if you're just going to ditch the original plan and do your own thing anyway. I wouldn't have minded had I not set up a babysitter, and made arrangements on my end...I never would have ditched someone and said " just meet me out". The beat is, I expressed my feelings in a subtle way, but then I did tell him how I thought it was "F'ing rude of him" and his response was , " I am biting my tongue to your BS text" wth?! I am the one that was ditched, and I am the one that is pissed, not him!!! Shady If you ask me! 2
CC12 Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I get that I missed out on a fun night, but plans are plans...no need to rush right over without me. Yes, it would have been a date night, nothing special. But I just thought it was rude. Why even bother making plans with someone if you're just going to ditch the original plan and do your own thing anyway. See, I see it maybe going something like this: Friend calls your boyfriend and says, "We're on our way to the place. Want to come with us or meet us there?" And of course your boyfriend says yes I'll go with you, because that was the whole point of the night. Do you think he should have said no and waited at home for you for another hour or more? The beat is, I expressed my feelings in a subtle way, but then I did tell him how I thought it was "F'ing rude of him" and his response was , " I am biting my tongue to your BS text" wth?! I am the one that was ditched, and I am the one that is pissed, not him!!! Shady If you ask me! Ah, see, I was surprised before when you said that he called it a misunderstanding. I thought he was just being polite. But it turns out that he actually doesn't accept your reason for being upset. I don't either, honestly. I don't think you should be pissed about this. Feelings are feelings. They happen, and you can't always control them. But you can try to realize when your feelings are kind of not making sense, and if your feelings are unfair to someone.
Survivor12 Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 The DD thing doesn't really matter because he could still have driven you home. He changed his mind and decided that he didn't want to sit around waiting until after 9:00 to go. He didn't ditch you-you ditched him. To say he had no need to rush over without you is ludicrous. Not wanting to sit around for an hour and a half watching the clock waiting for you when he could be spending that time with friends isn't unreasonable. What is rude is you standing him up because you didn't get your way. How long have the two of you been a dating? Are you in a relationship?
Beachead Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 (edited) Made plans with a friend to meet a few people out tonight. It was understood that I wouldn't be able to get out until later 9:00ish. Made arrangements for a babysitter. We both discussed takin my car tonight...which just proves that this was thought out and discussed a head of time. Friend sends me a text at 7:45, to tell me that he was heading to where we were meeting other friends. He left me, and just said " I am leaving, I'll see you there" really!!! I was ditched. When I questioned him, he just said, "no big deal, I'll see you when you get here" are you effing kidding me?! Needless to say, I didn't go, and he just says sorry miscommunication!! Really?!?! It wasn't a miscommunication, because we discussed taking my car. So he promises to make sure that we plan a grown up night on Friday!!!! Wth?! I am 40 years old and don't have time for this shot!! Normally with my friends, we may do things like this with the purpose of making sure night run smoothly for everyone. Some people run late, others show up a bit early, some need rides, somem if I can't get someplace on time, I'll tell my friends to go ahead without me. If I can get there without depending on them, I'll let them know etc. They don't care and I don't care as long as we all show up to the main plan (Which in this case was to meet up with your other friends). If he backed out last minutely of this plan (Which was to ultimately meet the other friends) after inviting you and knowing that you really didn't know anyone else there but him, after you showed up, I'd understand why it'd upset you. If you were depending on him for a ride because you didn't have your own car and he shot you a text saying he was going to head there early on his own, I'd understand why it'd upset you. If you have feelings for him, then I could understand why you reacted the way that you did. If not, and this is a platonic thing for you, you then most definitely overreacted. You shouldn't be pissed off. - Beachead. Edited September 7, 2014 by Beachead
whichwayisup Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Made plans with a friend to meet a few people out tonight. It was understood that I wouldn't be able to get out until later 9:00ish. Made arrangements for a babysitter. We both discussed takin my car tonight...which just proves that this was thought out and discussed a head of time. Friend sends me a text at 7:45, to tell me that he was heading to where we were meeting other friends. He left me, and just said " I am leaving, I'll see you there" really!!! I was ditched. When I questioned him, he just said, "no big deal, I'll see you when you get here" are you effing kidding me?! Needless to say, I didn't go, and he just says sorry miscommunication!! Really?!?! It wasn't a miscommunication, because we discussed taking my car. So he promises to make sure that we plan a grown up night on Friday!!!! Wth?! I am 40 years old and don't have time for this shot!! You weren't 'ditched'. Your friend said he'd meet you there. He found another way to get there, that's all. He didn't want to wait another 2 hours for you. Not sure what the huge deal is? You should have gone anyway, on your own. Seems you excluded yourself by not showing up.
whichwayisup Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I get that I missed out on a fun night, but plans are plans...no need to rush right over without me. Yes, it would have been a date night, nothing special. But I just thought it was rude. Why even bother making plans with someone if you're just going to ditch the original plan and do your own thing anyway. I wouldn't have minded had I not set up a babysitter, and made arrangements on my end...I never would have ditched someone and said " just meet me out". The beat is, I expressed my feelings in a subtle way, but then I did tell him how I thought it was "F'ing rude of him" and his response was , " I am biting my tongue to your BS text" wth?! I am the one that was ditched, and I am the one that is pissed, not him!!! Shady If you ask me! Nobody told you NOT to go, you decided not to go out of spite or you were sulking. I really don't understand what difference it makes if he showed up with you or if you met him there. You were NOT ditched. How is this shady? Anyway, I suggest you lower your expectation levels that way you won't be so pissed off when plans change slightly. 1
Author Apaige Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 Nobody told you NOT to go, you decided not to go out of spite or you were sulking. I really don't understand what difference it makes if he showed up with you or if you met him there. You were NOT ditched. How is this shady? Anyway, I suggest you lower your expectation levels that way you won't be so pissed off when plans change slightly. Okay, sometimes it takes an outsiders opinion to make things a little more clear! Thank you!!
preraph Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I do think him changing plans at the last minute is rude. The least he could have done is ask her if that would be alright. I'd be taking it as he wanted to be out without me. I had something a little similar happen to me once, but it was a guy who was a neighbor and we'd only had one drink together when it happened. He asked if I wanted to go to a Halloween party where I wouldn't know anyone, all his friends, and I said yes and made a costume and everything and on the day of, he said "this little gal" needed him to drive her so he'd see me there. Not. As if I'm going to walk into some party of all strangers and the only person I know there is a guy who just traded me in for a "little gal" who needed a ride. As a side note, for men who think they get all the rejection, this is the type of crap us women get to experience. 2
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