robertkennedy9099 Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I went on a few dates with a girl a year ago and there was a lot of mental and physical chemistry. From date number one she expressed hesitancy about dating because she was trying to get into grad school and had just gotten out of a bad relationship. I understood that she was confused and stressing, so after about a month I told her we could just be friends. She seems to be very career-oriented like me, but to an even greater extreme. We got to know each other fairly well, but not super close. A couple months later I started dating another girl and lost contact with the first. The second girl and I dated for three months, but then she got a job in another state and we had to let it fade out. Girl #2 was not very nice and kind of a drunk, so I wasn't too beat up about it. After I gave it some time I texted the 1st girl out of the blue. In honesty, I had never stopped thinking about her. She responded quickly and favorably, saying that she had been thinking about me and that she was super busy. I also got busy and did not text her again for another month. At that time I texted her something flirty/sexual and she responded favorably again and she suggested we meet up sometime as friends. The ball is in my court now, but I do not know what to do. Since she made sure to let me know her invitation was friendly, it makes me think that she is still not open to dating which of course I respect. I think it might be better to decline her friendly invitation and check in on her sometime later down the road, maybe in a month or two if I'm not dating someone else. If I give her friendship now I'm afraid I will kill our initial chemistry/mystery that seems to endure even until now. If my intentions are romantic, is it better to stay on her radar from afar and let her think about me from time to time or go all in and meet up with her now.
Assasda Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Naa.. you should go out with her. The girl wants to know if you can be her friend too, and not just some sex fiend. She wants to know if she can trust you. So, take her invitation, and show her a good time 1
Author robertkennedy9099 Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 Ok! Thanks for the response. I'll hang out with her and check the vibe. I'll try to be just friends, but she knows I want to get it.
Assasda Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Ok! Thanks for the response. I'll hang out with her and check the vibe. I'll try to be just friends, but she knows I want to get it. Good, She knows you want to get it, so show her you can be a fun friend too.
Zippy2000 Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I've been here before. She said she's like to meet up AS FRIENDS. I think she can't be more clearer. 1
Author robertkennedy9099 Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 her actual words were "we should get a friendly drink sometime."
mightycpa Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 her actual words were "we should get a friendly drink sometime." So when you meet a girl for the first time that you're interested in, you say "we should get a drink sometime" but she added the curious adjective "friendly" Your instincts are correct. You might do yourself a favor by responding something like: "I don't want to be your friend. I'm looking for a little more. Let me know when you're interested in that." It will remove the ambiguity from your relationship. 1
angel.eyes Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 You're going to be a friend. Period. After a few dates a year ago, you weren't what she was looking for in a date and she told you she didn't want anything romantic. You can't convince a woman to change her mind on that. If she had initiated contact and suggested dating, you would have a shot on the romantic front. But she didn't. She doesn't see you that way. You contacted her with sexual flirting, and she's made it clear the meeting would be friendly. You're going to bang your head against the walls of the friend zone. If you want a girlfriend, look elsewhere.
preraph Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I'm afraid she's got you solidly in the friendzone. You have been from the beginning and she made a point to say you still are. I think you're wasting your time here and unless she has a coven of female friends she's willing to introduce you to, you're done.
Author robertkennedy9099 Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 I love this site. I think you guys are dead on- I decided not to follow through with her invitation, but I'm just going to leave it hanging, like I'll get back to her when I can. This way I stay on her radar, but keep myself guarded. If she's really interested, but busy, she will text me a follow up, otherwise I get my answer. Thank you!
angel.eyes Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Guard yourself from what? You will stay on her radar...as a FRIEND. If she follows up, it's because she's interested in maintaining the FRIENDship, not because she suddenly wants to date you. If you want to be a platonic friend and would be happy to cheer her on as she dates other guys, then stick around on her radar. Otherwise, cut the cord and move on.
Author robertkennedy9099 Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 I don't know if I agree with that. Keeping in touch from afar has worked for me before. Sometimes people really aren't interested in dating for whatever personal reasons. A text every few months is zero investment, and as long as they remain flirtatious they can establish rapport over a long period of time. At the very least you both get a nice little ego boost.
angel.eyes Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 (edited) She hasn't wanted to date you for over a year. Your excuse that she's just not ready to date ATM is wearing very thin. I don't get how periodic reminders that you're not what she wants in a boyfriend is an ego boost for you, but okay. Carry on. She has been crystal clear about where you stand in her eyes. Perhaps you'll find the doorway out that millions of other guys stuck in the friend zone somehow missed. Edited September 8, 2014 by angel.eyes
Author robertkennedy9099 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 (edited) I appreciate you keeping me down on earth. Our egos tend to get out of hand. Luckily I never knew her very well, so there's no real friendzone to escape from. We were strangers to begin with. Only thing that threw me off is that she invited me out, I never suggested it. Edited September 8, 2014 by robertkennedy9099
Coil Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I appreciate you keeping me down on earth. Our egos tend to get out of hand. Luckily I never knew her very well, so there's no real friendzone to escape from. We were strangers to begin with. Only thing that threw me off is that she invited me out, I never suggested it. Some friendzoning women have no problems inviting a friend out or displaying actions that can give false hope.
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