Bronzepen Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 There is a time and a place for everything. In your situation, you did the right thing by telling your BF. How your BF reacted is normal. He may have fished a little by asking how you felt about the guy but I guess he just wanted reassurence from you. No big deal. Here is a tip for you. Don't accept invitations or gifts from strangers. Yes, it sounds like something you say to kid but you will be surprised how many adults ignore this rule. When this stranger offered to get you a drink you should have politely said, "No, thankyou." Like you said, sometimes it's hard to read when someone is hitting on you but when you are in a committed relationship, just follow the rule above. It will help you to avoid any misunderstandings. Don't sweat about seeing the that guy for the next 6 months. He's a big boy, I'm sure he has been rejected before. Just treat it like it never happend.
Author Merin Posted March 4, 2005 Author Posted March 4, 2005 Originally posted by Bronzepen There is a time and a place for everything. In your situation, you did the right thing by telling your BF. How your BF reacted is normal. He may have fished a little by asking how you felt about the guy but I guess he just wanted reassurence from you. No big deal. Here is a tip for you. Don't accept invitations or gifts from strangers. Yes, it sounds like something you say to kid but you will be surprised how many adults ignore this rule. When this stranger offered to get you a drink you should have politely said, "No, thankyou." Like you said, sometimes it's hard to read when someone is hitting on you but when you are in a committed relationship, just follow the rule above. It will help you to avoid any misunderstandings. Don't sweat about seeing the that guy for the next 6 months. He's a big boy, I'm sure he has been rejected before. Just treat it like it never happend. While this guy wasn't exactly a *Stranger* I've talked with him and the other guys in the building who've done work in our clinic he was/is someone I've seen before, spoke with before... but yeah.. I don't know him. Do I wish now I would've said "No thank you" yeah I do.. but again I guess I was just being naive.. My BF.. I think your right.. he wanted reassuarnce.. he called me this morning before he got to work and just wanted to make sure I was good to go... Thanks
savethedrama4allama Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 I don't think that your bf should be bothered by this, IMO. You are fine and you do not have a big diamond on your finger (that I know of) to ward off the menfolk. What does your bf expect? He could urinate on you every morning to mark his territory, but beyond that he should expect a few date offers now and then. You handled it how you should (answering no) so you're all good. I understand that uncomfortable feeling, because its like this. If you assume the man IS asking you out, and you cut it off at the pass, he maybe WASN'T asking you out at all and you look like a pompous, stuck up b*tch who thinks everyone wants her. So we tell ourselves "he didn't mean it like that" in an effort to be polite and look the other way, figuring he isn't asking us out but hoping that if he is it'll just blow over. We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but we also don't want to make fools of ourselves. I like to hear when people hit on my sig other, because I know I have a catch. Most of my bfs have liked to hear the same as well. But maybe we're weird! llama
Bronzepen Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Originally posted by Merin While this guy wasn't exactly a *Stranger* I've talked with him and the other guys in the building who've done work in our clinic he was/is someone I've seen before, spoke with before... but yeah.. I don't know him. Do I wish now I would've said "No thank you" yeah I do.. but again I guess I was just being naive.. My BF.. I think your right.. he wanted reassuarnce.. he called me this morning before he got to work and just wanted to make sure I was good to go... Thanks You weren't being naive. Not even close. What's obvious to others may not be obvious to you and what's obvious to you may not be obvious to others. Just follow the rule. You will be fine. Don't bring up the guy again to your BF. If your BF does ask about him, like, "Oh, so did the guy say anything to you today?" Just say, "No, I think the guys embarrassed and avoids me like the plague." Whether it's true or not. Laugh it off with your BF and change the subject.
Author Merin Posted March 4, 2005 Author Posted March 4, 2005 Originally posted by savethedrama4allama I don't think that your bf should be bothered by this, IMO. You are fine and you do not have a big diamond on your finger (that I know of) to ward off the menfolk. What does your bf expect? He could urinate on you every morning to mark his territiry, but beyond that he should expect a few date offers now and then. You handled it how you should (answering no) so you're all good. I understand that uncomfortable feeling, because its like this. If you assume the man IS asking you out, and you cut it off at the pass, he maybe WASN'T asking you out at all and you look like a pompous, stuck up b*tch who thinks everyone wants her. So we tell ourselves "he didn't mean it like that" in an effort to be polite and look the other way, figuring he isn't asking us out but hoping that if he is it'll just blow over. We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but we also don't want to make fools of ourselves. I like to hear when people hit on my sig other, because I know I have a catch. Most of my bfs have liked to hear the same as well. But maybe we're weird! llama The first time my BF even thinks about pissing on me to mark whats his we gonna have a problem! ::Looks at finger:: LOL No big diamond.. but uh.. been there, done that.. funny thing is when I actually had the ring my EXH was all about me *ahem* "dating" others.. That is/was one of the reasons it did feel uncomfortable for me.. I honestly had zero idea what this guy was suggesting.. the way he put it, it just didn't occur to me.. had I known that upfront I would've just told him "No thanks, I've got a boyfriend" and then when it was so obvious that I didn't get it.. you would think he would've been embarrassed right? LOL no he just asked how about friday then... how about next week? He knew what he was doing, the sh*t! I don't think my BF was mad about me telling him, I do think he just wanted to know I had done the right thing... so good to go
Author Merin Posted March 4, 2005 Author Posted March 4, 2005 Originally posted by Bronzepen You weren't being naive. Not even close. What's obvious to others may not be obvious to you and what's obvious to you may not be obvious to others. Just follow the rule. You will be fine. Don't bring up the guy again to your BF. If your BF does ask about him, like, "Oh, so did the guy say anything to you today?" Just say, "No, I think the guys embarrassed and avoids me like the plague." Whether it's true or not. Laugh it off with your BF and change the subject. Thanks BP.. I will keep this in mind:)
clynn Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 ha ha. I had a guy at work ask me if I wanted a coffee. I said Sure, a Tall Latte. Ha hah. Later on, after he asked me again on a different type of date, I figured out that he was actually asking me OUT for Coffee!!!! Ha hah. Sometimes guys just aren't very clear. Also, I was totally taken off guard cuz I didn' think that I'd shown any interest in him or that we really had had much of an interaction. Very very funny. And I dunno not such a big deal to tell your b/f. You're a good girl and so why not. Just a funny story to share!
Author Merin Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 Just a bit of an update on how my BF had actually taken this... I spent the weekend with him at his house this weekend.. neither one of us had mentioned this situation at all that is until this afternoon... we were sittin on his sofa when he said to me... "Hey, I was just thinking about that guy hitting on you at work... " I said really why? He asked me again if this guy was good looking.. did I like him.. I said NO I didn't have an interest in him and am very happy where I am (with him) he said "Make no mistake about it Merin.. I know guys hit on you and yeah it bothers me a little.. but you're my girl and I know that." I agreed.. LOL ya know that yes I am with HIM.. I asked him if it makes him uncomfortable when girls hit on him... he said no that it doesn't happen that often LOL yeah right! I asked him how he handles it when it does.. he says "I'm just a dick about it, so they know whats up" LOL I asked him if he thought I should just be a beeotch when things like this happen to me... OR if I should just handle things the way BP has suggested in just sayin no thank you (regardless of what I think was meant by the invitation) He said that he would feel better if I just said No thank you regardless of what I think it means.. because he and I are in a relationship and his words "You're MY girl" I told him that in the future I will decline any invitations for anything (even if it's what I thought/think is a friends only gesture) according to him, there isn't any such thing LOL so yeah... He told me he was glad I had told him about it.. he was pissed about the way the guy had gone about things.. but not mad at me for telling him... So Yay! LOL Thanks again all
Bronzepen Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Originally posted by Merin Just a bit of an update on how my BF had actually taken this... I spent the weekend with him at his house this weekend.. neither one of us had mentioned this situation at all that is until this afternoon... we were sittin on his sofa when he said to me... "Hey, I was just thinking about that guy hitting on you at work... " I said really why? He asked me again if this guy was good looking.. did I like him.. I said NO I didn't have an interest in him and am very happy where I am (with him) he said "Make no mistake about it Merin.. I know guys hit on you and yeah it bothers me a little.. but you're my girl and I know that." I agreed.. LOL ya know that yes I am with HIM.. I asked him if it makes him uncomfortable when girls hit on him... he said no that it doesn't happen that often LOL yeah right! I asked him how he handles it when it does.. he says "I'm just a dick about it, so they know whats up" LOL I asked him if he thought I should just be a beeotch when things like this happen to me... OR if I should just handle things the way BP has suggested in just sayin no thank you (regardless of what I think was meant by the invitation) He said that he would feel better if I just said No thank you regardless of what I think it means.. because he and I are in a relationship and his words "You're MY girl" I told him that in the future I will decline any invitations for anything (even if it's what I thought/think is a friends only gesture) according to him, there isn't any such thing LOL so yeah... He told me he was glad I had told him about it.. he was pissed about the way the guy had gone about things.. but not mad at me for telling him... So Yay! LOL Thanks again all That's great. Happy that things worked out. I like happy endings.
Scott S Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 Originally posted by Merin He told me he was glad I had told him about it.. he was pissed about the way the guy had gone about things.. but not mad at me for telling him... So Yay! LOL Thanks again all I'm glad to read he didn't take out any jealousy on you. I think that with your relationship still relatively new, there may remain some insecurities about it. You have expressed a few of your own. A woman like you, who is such a sweetheart as well as very attractive, will tend to attract men, & may cause a boyfriend to feel a bit threatened. When Gina & I were first dating, it was a LDR, & right after we started dating, she went on an out of state trip to visit some relatives & a male friend in San Diego. Her assurances that he was only a friend notwithstanding, I still felt a few pangs of insecurity myself. Where these things become problematic is when they cause the person to become unduly controlling & possessive, but you have been there, so I do not need to elaborate on that point. On a side note, please forgive my recent absence. It is tax filing season.
Author Merin Posted March 10, 2005 Author Posted March 10, 2005 Originally posted by Scott S I'm glad to read he didn't take out any jealousy on you. I think that with your relationship still relatively new, there may remain some insecurities about it. You have expressed a few of your own. A woman like you, who is such a sweetheart as well as very attractive, will tend to attract men, & may cause a boyfriend to feel a bit threatened. When Gina & I were first dating, it was a LDR, & right after we started dating, she went on an out of state trip to visit some relatives & a male friend in San Diego. Her assurances that he was only a friend notwithstanding, I still felt a few pangs of insecurity myself. Where these things become problematic is when they cause the person to become unduly controlling & possessive, but you have been there, so I do not need to elaborate on that point. On a side note, please forgive my recent absence. It is tax filing season. LOL Thanks Scott Funny.. yesterday the same guy called me at the clinic.. OMG! I was at the front desk and saw him outside in a car... a few minutes later the clinic phone rang... it was him So I'm sittin there with the Doc, I have a patient standing there and this guy says "Hey Merin.. it's Brandon" I'm like "Uh huh.. whats up?" he says "I was wondering if you were available to go out this Friday?" WTF! I said "No, I'm sorry" ::Silence:: ::More Silence:: then he says "Okay, thanks anyway" I said "Okay, bye" Damn I hope this isn't going to continue the whole time this building is being done! I didn't tell my BF about this call... not because I'm trying to hide it from him... but I also don't want to make him feel insecure about this.. because as far as I'm concerned at this point it's a non-issue.. Funny too my BF and I were talking this past Sunday about other people hitting on one of us and what not... and he mentioned to me that when we had first gone to one of his boys houses for a get together on New Years Eve that there was a lot of girls there he has known for awhile (my BF) but none of them had ever flirted with him or hit on him... however after they met me that night, all of a sudden they were telling his buddy how nice looking he is.. blah blah.. LOL goes to show I guess how sometimes things that you might not have noticed about someone before become a lot more attractive or appealing when they are no longer available to you.. hmmmm
blind_otter Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 So have you said, like outright, "No, I'm involved with someone right now, but thanks for the compliment"??
Scott S Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 Originally posted by Merin he says "I was wondering if you were available to go out this Friday?" WTF! I said "No, I'm sorry" ::Silence:: ::More Silence:: then he says "Okay, thanks anyway" I said "Okay, bye" How about something like "I'm sorry. My BF has a brand new Colt Python that he can't wait to show me."
Author Merin Posted March 10, 2005 Author Posted March 10, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter So have you said, like outright, "No, I'm involved with someone right now, but thanks for the compliment"?? Yeah I did tell him the first time he asked that I have a boyfriend.. that was after I figured out what he was doing to begin with... LOL guess I was having a short bus moment... BUT I did let him know that I have a BF.. I was polite.. said thanks but no.. but he doesn't seem to get it OR he doesn't want to get it..not sure which one it is... I hate being rude to ppl... and I don't want to have to be rude to this guy... but for real, what else to do if he keeps it up
blind_otter Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 I think, since you already went the direct route, that he deserves a rude moment. "Hi, how are you? Listen, you're really starting to creep me out since I said I wasn't interested in hanging out with you and you keep calling. SO do us both a favor and don't let your fingers do the talking."
Scott S Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 Originally posted by Merin I hate being rude to ppl... and I don't want to have to be rude to this guy... but for real, what else to do if he keeps it up I hate being rude as well. Unfortunately that does not register with some people. For some, they can take a hint only if applied with a jack handle. ________________________________________________________ Make something idiot-proof, and they will simply invent a better idiot.
Linlin Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 How about, "I'm sorry but my BF wasn't impressed the first time you asked and I am sure he will be less impressed this time and want to talk to you about it." or "Do you know what our company's policy is on Sexual Harrassment?"
Author Merin Posted March 10, 2005 Author Posted March 10, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter I think, since you already went the direct route, that he deserves a rude moment. "Hi, how are you? Listen, you're really starting to creep me out since I said I wasn't interested in hanging out with you and you keep calling. SO do us both a favor and don't let your fingers do the talking." I like that! Linlin, I like yours too... if he does this again I'll use one of them.
WalkingTall Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 Piping in on the subject of telling your S/O about it My GF would tell me everytime someone "jokes" with her. Now me being the naive one , I assumed it was just plain joking and then she told me what was said. It turned out to be hitting on. She continued to tell me and it got to the point that it was nearly a daily thing. I am out of town alot so I decided that to keep my sanity, I asked her not to tell me. But the flip side to that is, a wondering mind that could be more dangerous to the relationship than a knowledgeable one. Thats my 2 Canadian cents.
Podna Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by WalkingTall I am out of town alot so I decided that to keep my sanity, I asked her not to tell me. I guess the question is, do you want to see the shark that’s eating you or not? Some would rather not see it and others would. I am one of the ones that would like to see what’s eating them. To each his own though.
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