kitkat1978 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 (edited) my boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months now. Living together for about 2 months. My boyfriend refuses to have sex with me saying that he is stressed out over his financial situation. The last time we had sex was a month ago and that's because I really pushed for it. I am tired of being rejected by him. But what really throws me off is how he will grope me in his sleep and kiss me and when he realizes what he's doing he stops. I asked him if he was just not into me and he keeps saying it's not that it's stress. I told him he confuses me and all he had to say was wow that's crazy that I do that in my sleep its confusing me too. I don't know how to take this it's all weird why does he do this? Edited September 6, 2014 by kitkat1978
tk8888 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Does he have any enough issues downstairs? Does he release his sexual frustration on anything else (masturbation, porn, etc)? I used to go to porn and masturbation A LOT when I was stressed and the gals in my life hated it. If they are serious financial issues, the stress could really be killing the mood!
DazedandConfused8 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 my boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months now. Living together for about 2 months. My boyfriend refuses to have sex with me saying that he is stressed out over his financial situation. The last time we had sex was a month ago and that's because I really pushed for it. I am tired of being rejected by him. But what really throws me off is how he will grope me in his sleep and kiss me and when he realizes what he's doing he stops. I asked him if he was just not into me and he keeps saying it's not that it's stress. I told him he confuses me and all he had to say was wow that's crazy that I do that in my sleep its confusing me too. I don't know how to take this it's all weird why does he do this? Being stressed can certainly change one's sexual appetite. Are you two working together on resolving those financial issues? Are they solvable (e.g. student loans) or something else (gambling, drugs, etc)? Also, you're moving quite fast considering you started living together after dating for only three months. Even now you're only five months into this relationship, and if you're living together perhaps part of the financial problems are the push-and-pull of who's pulling their weight. 3
WonderKid Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 That's weird. If I was stressed sex is something I would WANT in order to de-stress. 4
preraph Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 So when he gropes you in his sleep, is the little soldier standing at attention or at ease? Because my first thought was stress-related impotence. Check next time.
Diezel Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I have a friend who does this. He just can't deal with the stress. But the stress was related to resentment caused by the person he was living with. He had 100% of the financial burden on him while living with his significant other. So the stress of work, studies, and financial situations was getting to him so badly, he just couldn't deal with it. Since they moved out, he hasn't had a problem. I'm not suggesting that this might be the issue with you, but I am furthering the point that this type of thing CAN happen. Right off the bat, I see you two have been together for 5 months and living together for 2? Why did you two rush into living together?
Author kitkat1978 Posted September 6, 2014 Author Posted September 6, 2014 Him and I both have full-time jobs. I pay half the rent and anything else he needs. Also told him I would help him with this debt he's in he knows I have his back. Don't know what else I can do for him.
Author kitkat1978 Posted September 6, 2014 Author Posted September 6, 2014 I moved in with him because he asked me too. Was gonna wait a little longer but he didn't want to wait.
FitChick Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Perhaps he moved in with you so he'd have fewer bills to pay. Now he regrets it but can't afford to leave. 4
Gloria25 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Perhaps he moved in with you so he'd have fewer bills to pay. Now he regrets it but can't afford to leave. Agreed ^^ ... Are you sure he's not using you? Again, this is why I'm against shack-ups. IMO, it is not a "progression" in the RL. And, finances aside...He doesn't know you from Adam. He probably just isn't into you anymore. Dating is to figure out if you're a match (well, unless you're looking just for companionship)..it takes about 1 1/2 to 2 years to get to know someone. So, it's been 5 months - he realized he isn't into you.
GH3 Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Gloria is probably right, but I have a blatant suggestion. If you haven't tried giving him a BJ, that's a good way to get a guy going. And don't even ask him just do it! Don't even let him see it coming. My boyfriend gets stressed and doesn't get up as a result so... You know. If you don't know how to give one just jerk him off. This usually works because they don't have to do any of the work. If the BJ (or jerking) works, meaning he gets up and gets into it, just hop on and start doing your thing. Maybe start doing it right when he starts getting all gropey and what not. Maybe treat him to a nice (not so expensive) outing on the same day as well to de-stress him a little before hand. Wish you well! 7
Author kitkat1978 Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 (edited) That thought about him using me has crossed my mind. When I said together for 5 months I meant relationship wise. We were talking to each other for 4 months before we got serious so I guess a total of 9 months all together. And we were acquaintances for years before that. Anyway I've talked to him about it again and he swears it has nothing to do with me. Everything else in our relationship is good except for the sex thing. So I don't know but im not gonna stick around forever. He will kiss me and touch my leg hug, me hold me at night. Even though he is affectionate could it still mean he's not feeling me? Edited September 7, 2014 by kitkat1978
Author kitkat1978 Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 He actually says that he doesn't even feel like masturbating. And as far as I know he doesn't watch porn.
GH3 Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Well if talking about it isn't something he wants to do, then try maybe going away to a friend's house to give him time to think. Make see to be calm about it when you tell him though.
Thruster Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Kit: This is on the masturbating subject I went to the Dr. and asked him that question (about all men twisting their twizzler) He replied 95% of all men do it the other 5% are dam good liars So as for me - -well -- I would never think of it 1
normal person Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Him and I both have full-time jobs. I pay half the rent and anything else he needs. Also told him I would help him with this debt he's in he knows I have his back. Don't know what else I can do for him. The fact that he needs you to pay for "anything else he needs" on top of helping him get out of debt could be incredibly emasculating for him. In our society men feel a cultural obligation to be breadwinners and providers. If he can't do that himself and actually needs you to do it for him, it's entirely possible he feels like less of a man. You're the breadwinner, rendering him essentially useless. If he has that sense of inadequacy, it wouldn't be any surprise if it transferred to the bedroom too. Depressed, inadequate guys may often have much less of a sex drive. I've got a friend who was working terrible jobs while in school for a few years while his girlfriend was working full time and paying all the bills. He confided in me that he definitely felt emasculated. Conversely, success is almost like an aphrodisiac. It feels like you get pumped full of testosterone and you aren't limited by anything. 1
mightycpa Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Maybe he's got a brand new STD that he's not ready to share with you yet.
GH3 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Maybe he's got a brand new STD that he's not ready to share with you yet. Well, as far as we know it could be a possibility. Oh good grace, if that's the case, I'm sorry for the oral sex suggestion, don't try it just yet to be safe.
GH3 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 The fact that he needs you to pay for "anything else he needs" on top of helping him get out of debt could be incredibly emasculating for him. In our society men feel a cultural obligation to be breadwinners and providers. If he can't do that himself and actually needs you to do it for him, it's entirely possible he feels like less of a man. You're the breadwinner, rendering him essentially useless. If he has that sense of inadequacy, it wouldn't be any surprise if it transferred to the bedroom too. Depressed, inadequate guys may often have much less of a sex drive. I've got a friend who was working terrible jobs while in school for a few years while his girlfriend was working full time and paying all the bills. He confided in me that he definitely felt emasculated. Conversely, success is almost like an aphrodisiac. It feels like you get pumped full of testosterone and you aren't limited by anything. Hmm, agreed.
Author kitkat1978 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Posted September 10, 2014 Well not sure what to do about the whole bread winner situation. Kinda at a loss with that.
Author kitkat1978 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Posted September 10, 2014 I would hope that its alot more serious than using me since he has 2 wonderful little girls he has custody of so they are with us most of the time. they love me too death. I would hope he wouldn't let them get attached to me like that if he wasn't serious about us.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 You just have to decide if you want to live like this. You haven't been together that long and he's already refusing sex? Doesn't sound good, sorry. Personally, I wouldn't be content with what you've got. One of the main things that differentiates a lover from a friend is SEX - and you don't have that. So he's basically a roommate that you cuddle with
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