Swan89 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 My friend and I have been told plenty of times that we're very good looking but I'm not being full of myself. I'd consider us to be on the same level but with different style. He is skinny, stylish and has a pretty boy feminine face whereas I'm slightly more muscular and bigger built than him. I'd consider myself to be a pretty boy but I look more dominant/manly faced than him but I still have boyish looks with thick eyebrows and black hair. What I don't get is, is that women will approach him but not me. Even if a woman looks at me with interest, they will rarely, mostly never approach me but my friend frequently gets approached. They will always talk to him first or taper the conversation to him more. I am confident yet slightly reserved. It depends on my mood. What do you think is going on here? Unless he really is more attractive than me?
Tayken Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 He is skinny, stylish and has a pretty boy feminine face whereas I'm slightly more muscular and bigger built than him. Only a small % of women are attracted to the muscular and bigger built...I know it's hard to believe, but it's reality e.g Ryan Gosling v Duane Johnson (the rock).....am sure it's clear who will get more women It's the same with women......put a nice petite woman brunette up against a tall one brunette also, and I bet you the petite one gets more men Simple as that. You also mentioned your buddy is stylish, which could also be the reason why women like him more. I know women compliment about my shoes and clothes all the time (not jeans, logo shirts, flip flops and running shoes) 1
cristalina Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 It could be any number of things. If a woman has short hair, she's approached less than a girl with long hair. It's just kind of the nature of things in today's society and culture. People like certain things. It just means that when you do get approached, the girl is genuinely interested in you. It's actually a good thing. - Cris
Author Swan89 Posted September 6, 2014 Author Posted September 6, 2014 I never said I was muscular, I'm average build and I'm just more muscular compared to him because he is skinny. Also, I always dress nicely when I go out with clothes that fit well. I'm stylish too but his dress sense is more 'fashionable' or he dresses more smartly than I do, which is not my style.
truth_seeker Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I say it has to do with style. Women will go out of their way to compliment a guy on his wardrobe than his looks.
Author Swan89 Posted September 6, 2014 Author Posted September 6, 2014 Ironically, he doesn't always dress smartly. The guy can look great in the most casual of outfits.
Jules Dash Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Your buddy has the momentum going for himself from women approaching him all the time and it is reflected in subtle, subconscious ways through his personality that makes him attractive to women. He is carrying this momentum with confidence and a persona that you may think you have but there is a difference that can be seen by the women. The more he gets approached, the more momentum he will continue to build and the more you don't get approached compared to him, the more momentum you will lose that is reflected in your behavior, posture, etc,. It's called "swagger." 2
Author Swan89 Posted September 6, 2014 Author Posted September 6, 2014 I forgot to mention that he is engaged to his girlfriend and I am the single one.
Jules Dash Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I forgot to mention that he is engaged to his girlfriend and I am the single one. That helps his swagger. Ever wonder why those who are already taken seem to draw more attention in the crowd or that you seem to be more attractive when you are in a relationship? You have that nothing to lose security of having someone already in your life momentum about you. 3
GemmaUK Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Get your eyebrows tamed. So many men do these days and it's a good thing. Step up your wardrobe too if you are a bit behind in style. Fashion is a bit meh in my opinion but style isn't. Also watch your friend and see how much he does eye contact and smiling. Do you do the same? Do you look approachable?
OwMyEyeball Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 What Jules said Guys place a lot of emphasis on looks. Far more than women. So when we find ourselves striking out with the ladies the first place we look for fault is our own appearance. Yes, looks do matter, but only in the sense that for the average male they are an enhancer of subtler qualities that cannot be faked except possibly by the most talented of actors. The whole "be yourself", "work on your confidence", "respect yourself", "build and focus on your life goals" advice touches on actions a guy can take to improve his entire self, which in turn will greatly improve his attractiveness. You could spend lifetimes breaking it all down and understanding it. This is the downfall of cerebral men - the consummate thinkers who need to analyze, understand and plan before executing. Those qualities are essential to certain fields of endeavour (engineering, programming, business admin, accounting, etc.) but are the cold-blooded murders of spontaneity, charisma and free expression. Questions to ask yourself: What in life makes your smile? When was the last time you laughed so hard you almost cried? When was the last time you pursued your passions? How often do you pursue it? How do you express yourself through art? What do you want out of life? How you are working to get it? What have you created? What do you want to create? 1
GemmaUK Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 What Jules said Guys place a lot of emphasis on looks. Far more than women. Not true. Women are into looks too. We don't want to get close to someone we are not attracted to. It's been a shock on a couple of occasions for me where I thought the guy had an OK body only to find he spent his time with me (uncomfortably) breathing in. Personality is key..interesting and being yourself...but...women are just as visual as men. (moreso in some ways actually). We need to be attracted. If we aren't physically attracted massively then we give a guy a chance...and it rarely works out. There is no lust. No lust is dull city.
preraph Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I bet it's all about his looks and style. It's true women like that tall thin type more than the more macho muscular, but certainly not all women. His style gives women an excuse to compliment him too and him being engaged makes him unthreatened by women on the advance because he has his out if he wants to use it. He probably has a more open approachable look than you. But generally if one guy is getting more play than the other, it's about women find him more attractive overall. If you'd like to post a photo of you two, we'll be glad to gawk -- I mean vote.
truth_seeker Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 My take is that women want to feel safe, comfortable, secure and in control of their relationship. Men who offer this are the guys they want to marry, the guys they want as boyfriends. They only step away from these types of men if they come across a dream guy, ie, tall, dark, handsome, great body, high social status.
irc333 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Heh, you know what's funny....the tons of threads here suggesting, "hit the gym, work out, build some muscle, etc, then you'll attract women" Ironic. Only a small % of women are attracted to the muscular and bigger built...I know it's hard to believe, but it's reality e.g Ryan Gosling v Duane Johnson (the rock).....am sure it's clear who will get more women It's the same with women......put a nice petite woman brunette up against a tall one brunette also, and I bet you the petite one gets more men Simple as that. You also mentioned your buddy is stylish, which could also be the reason why women like him more. I know women compliment about my shoes and clothes all the time (not jeans, logo shirts, flip flops and running shoes)
Tayken Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I never said I was muscular, I'm average build and I'm just more muscular compared to him because he is skinny. Also, I always dress nicely when I go out with clothes that fit well. I'm stylish too but his dress sense is more 'fashionable' or he dresses more smartly than I do, which is not my style. There you have it, you answered your own question. Like I said before, most of the women I have known in my 40 odd years, have always complimented on my smartly dress sense and shoes (nice dress shoes). This could be because I grew up in a mega metropolis and developed a sense of fashion (not designer gear) based on my environment Jeans and golf shirt is not smart dress, never will be
Tayken Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Heh, you know what's funny....the tons of threads here suggesting, "hit the gym, work out, build some muscle, etc, then you'll attract women" Ironic. Obviously those threads aren't mine.....if you stack up gym rats against ordinarily toned men.....8 out of 10 times the gym rats will lose out to the ordinarily toned. I mean who wants to be walking along the street with someone that can't fit into a suit, or have problems with their arms relaxing along their body....I am sure you have seen these type of people, they look ridiculous
AD1980 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Not true. Women are into looks too. We don't want to get close to someone we are not attracted to. It's been a shock on a couple of occasions for me where I thought the guy had an OK body only to find he spent his time with me (uncomfortably) breathing in. Personality is key..interesting and being yourself...but...women are just as visual as men. (moreso in some ways actually). We need to be attracted. If we aren't physically attracted massively then we give a guy a chance...and it rarely works out. There is no lust. No lust is dull city. I would agree the idea looks aren't that important to women is nonsense..As you said you can make a case that looks are even more important to women
Destined2B Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 My friend and I have been told plenty of times that we're very good looking but I'm not being full of myself. I'd consider us to be on the same level but with different style. He is skinny, stylish and has a pretty boy feminine face whereas I'm slightly more muscular and bigger built than him. I'd consider myself to be a pretty boy but I look more dominant/manly faced than him but I still have boyish looks with thick eyebrows and black hair. What I don't get is, is that women will approach him but not me. Even if a woman looks at me with interest, they will rarely, mostly never approach me but my friend frequently gets approached. They will always talk to him first or taper the conversation to him more. I am confident yet slightly reserved. It depends on my mood. What do you think is going on here? Unless he really is more attractive than me? Maybe he just has a more approachable body language? Maybe they approach him to try to get to know you. There could be hundreds of reasons- your guess is as good as ours. If I were you, I'd be happy for your buddy, and do the approaching myself. 3
Gloria25 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 (edited) Heh, you know what's funny....the tons of threads here suggesting, "hit the gym, work out, build some muscle, etc, then you'll attract women" Ironic. Well, I think it has to do with what some women are being taught today - which is to crush any signs of strength or masculinity in men. When men are being "men" (i.e. stoic, strong, wanting sex from their woman) they are being called "Conan the Barbarian", controlling, out of touch with their feelings. So yea, some women now a days are attracted to guys who are all into the skinny jeans, weak, "One Direction" look. Not me... While I like a man who can clean up nicely, I don't want a guy to have a better manicure than I do. But you know what? I think some women's need for a strong man comes out eventually in the bedroom - hence the success of the 50 Shades of Grey books (which I am not a fan of). OH, also out of curiosity...how far does your "skinny-jeans" friend get with these women? Cuz again, while these women are being taught to go for weak men...these women just want someone they can manipulate, control, and feel power over. In essence, they want a female version of a boyfriend. Someone that will go shopping with them, but won't ask them for sex. Edited September 6, 2014 by Gloria25
camillalev Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 What Jules said Guys place a lot of emphasis on looks. Far more than women. So when we find ourselves striking out with the ladies the first place we look for fault is our own appearance. Yes, looks do matter, but only in the sense that for the average male they are an enhancer of subtler qualities that cannot be faked except possibly by the most talented of actors. The whole "be yourself", "work on your confidence", "respect yourself", "build and focus on your life goals" advice touches on actions a guy can take to improve his entire self, which in turn will greatly improve his attractiveness. You could spend lifetimes breaking it all down and understanding it. This is the downfall of cerebral men - the consummate thinkers who need to analyze, understand and plan before executing. Those qualities are essential to certain fields of endeavour (engineering, programming, business admin, accounting, etc.) but are the cold-blooded murders of spontaneity, charisma and free expression. Questions to ask yourself: What in life makes your smile? When was the last time you laughed so hard you almost cried? When was the last time you pursued your passions? How often do you pursue it? How do you express yourself through art? What do you want out of life? How you are working to get it? What have you created? What do you want to create? This a million times. A guy can be good looking but if has nothing behind his eyes and no fire in his soul, it ain't gonna happen.
PogoStick Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I would definitely make the case that looks are less important to women. But important? Certainly.
Mangina Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Only a small % of women are attracted to the muscular and bigger built...I know it's hard to believe, but it's reality e.g Ryan Gosling v Duane Johnson (the rock).....am sure it's clear who will get more women It's the same with women......put a nice petite woman brunette up against a tall one brunette also, and I bet you the petite one gets more men Simple as that. You also mentioned your buddy is stylish, which could also be the reason why women like him more. I know women compliment about my shoes and clothes all the time (not jeans, logo shirts, flip flops and running shoes) Ryan Gosling prettier than Duane. I think face come before body, but I do see girl going crazy over body builders. I really don't think big muscles will hurt you, it's just that guys like Gosling don't need them. 1
bluesgirl Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Honestly coming from a girl, I would approach the guy who is not as good looking because it is less intimidating. Maybe that's just me, but it could be because your friend looks more approachable...not as intimidating to talk to? That's the only way I can figure it...because I have done this before.
Destined2B Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Obviously those threads aren't mine.....if you stack up gym rats against ordinarily toned men.....8 out of 10 times the gym rats will lose out to the ordinarily toned. I mean who wants to be walking along the street with someone that can't fit into a suit, or have problems with their arms relaxing along their body....I am sure you have seen these type of people, they look ridiculous Not every gym rat is a meathead as you described. I think most women will agree that a man that invests time and money into his health is a lot more attractive than a man who spends time choosing another piece of wardrobe for his walk-in closet. 1
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