UPDATE! Why does he keep trying to date me when I said "I am not into players"?

[xxJuliexx]

Whatever forget I said anything or posted anything! You people are going off on different tangents. I asked why he would be so rude to me and you people are just bashing me. So forget it.

[evanescentworld]

Why he would be so rude to you, is a basic mystery.

Frankly, he's an idiot.

 

However:

Why you continue to tolerate it, put up with it, entertain it and keep writing about it, when you should just be blocking it out of your life completely, is a greater mystery.

And that is something that we're trying to make you understand.

 

Head-reading other people, and gauging their motives is pointless; you can't ever get to the bottom of what OTHER people do, or why.

 

The only thing you can pay serious attention to, is your responses, and why you do the things you do, in reaction.

 

So really, the question is, "Why do I react the way I do, and what's the best way of changing it for the better?"

[Zahara]

Whatever forget I said anything or posted anything! You people are going off on different tangents. I asked why he would be so rude to me and you people are just bashing me. So forget it.

 

I think it is just exasperating that you keep creating these threads about him, when all you have to do is take people by their behavior and do what needs to be done -- and that would mean, if someone comes into your own home and disrespects you, you 1) remove him from your home 2) create boundaries.

 

Who cares why he would be rude to you? People act the way the act because 1) that's who they are 2) they believe they can 3) you have given the impression that you have no boundaries and can and will accept disrespect.

[slizl]

Your dad should have Ray Rice'd his ass. On a side note, you are nuts.

[snowflakes88]

Probably because it's obvious you love the attention.

[preraph]

Your family lets him in for the same reason they let the brother be a jerk to you. You need to block Josh every way possible and tell your parents you'd appreciate it if they would too or at least give you warning when he's there because you won't be ever wanting to see him again. Sounds like your parents are used to you getting demeaned by your brother and are quite comfy with that, but it's your life and you can cut them out if you have to as well to get rid of Josh. Change your number, block his calls, block his texts, kick him off FB and everything else and if he shows up tell him if he tries to contact you again, you're contacting police. Tell him no and don't argue with him about it. Just get rid of him.

[d0nnivain]

the psychology behind it is very simple: He wants your attention. If he can't get positive attention, he'll take negative attention. He is doing anything to get you to notice him & react to him. It's all part of the fact that he likes you but is just botching his attempts to get you to reciprocate.

 

I know it's your house but if you have told him to leave you alone & he's not, even though it's your house, when he arrives leave, or at least go to a different part of the house. At some point if it continues get your parents involved.

[ExpatInItaly]

He's immature. He likes the power he has over you. He's a complete tool.

 

Your mother should have made him leave.

 

You should not speak to him.

 

There. Psychology 101 dismissed.

[stillafool]

Well it's about Josh the guy in my latest posts. Everyone told me to be firm with him and so out of nowhere I visit my parents house and he shows up and says he's going to help my dad dig a pond. My brothers aren't home, but I have another brother from my mom's first marriage who is absolutely brutal and vindictive to me.

 

 

Well Josh, kept on trying to ruffle my feathers, and he kept bringing up my brother, and even my mom chimed in and said "Stop it! You know she gets angry if you mention Michael" He said "I know, that's why I mention him" And then he kept bringing up stuff he shouldn't bring up and I said "You're crossing the line, get away from me" And then he would act really pervy and start being all touchy and he put his hand on my leg, and I said "Remove your hand now or else" He kept grabbing my hand and saying how much he loves me and I said "Get away from me" then he would start up again with the condescending comments, when I said I was having anxiety about a test that is coming up and I'm stressed out and to leave me alone. Then when I was ignoring him He said "Don't give me the cold shoulder" "Do you hate me?" "Everythings alright babydoll" He just kept doing that and then he would touch me and I kept saying "Keep away from me" So why is he trying to make me mad? Why is he trying to ruffle my feathers? And then act all pervy and touchy? What the hell? I seriously can't stand Josh now. Don't tell me to forget about it, I want to know the psychology behind this and why he did that to me!

 

Why didn't you tell him what I told you to say? The way you comment to him is making him think you like his behavior.

[stillafool]

 

I know it's your house but if you have told him to leave you alone & he's not, even though it's your house, when he arrives leave, or at least go to a different part of the house. At some point if it continues get your parents involved.

 

This is true. Just because he comes over does not mean you have to be in the same room or entertain him in any way.

[Diezel]

Probably because it's obvious you love the attention.

 

Ding ding ding, we have a winner.

 

Obviously EVERYTHING he is doing is working.

[DazedandConfused8]

Well it's about Josh the guy in my latest posts. Everyone told me to be firm with him and so out of nowhere I visit my parents house and he shows up and says he's going to help my dad dig a pond. My brothers aren't home, but I have another brother from my mom's first marriage who is absolutely brutal and vindictive to me.

 

 

Well Josh, kept on trying to ruffle my feathers, and he kept bringing up my brother, and even my mom chimed in and said "Stop it! You know she gets angry if you mention Michael" He said "I know, that's why I mention him" And then he kept bringing up stuff he shouldn't bring up and I said "You're crossing the line, get away from me" And then he would act really pervy and start being all touchy and he put his hand on my leg, and I said "Remove your hand now or else" He kept grabbing my hand and saying how much he loves me and I said "Get away from me" then he would start up again with the condescending comments, when I said I was having anxiety about a test that is coming up and I'm stressed out and to leave me alone. Then when I was ignoring him He said "Don't give me the cold shoulder" "Do you hate me?" "Everythings alright babydoll" He just kept doing that and then he would touch me and I kept saying "Keep away from me" So why is he trying to make me mad? Why is he trying to ruffle my feathers? And then act all pervy and touchy? What the hell? I seriously can't stand Josh now. Don't tell me to forget about it, I want to know the psychology behind this and why he did that to me!

 

Why didn't your dad punch this guy in the face?

[d0nnivain]

Why didn't your dad punch this guy in the face?

 

Because violence is never the answer & her dad understood what was going on here. The inept harmless guy was flirting with his daughter & she liked it, despite her protests to the contrary.

[BlueIris]

While I understand your desire to understand why he did that, sometimes the answer really is simply that he’s a jerk. Some of the posts might reflect what he was thinking, but it doesn't matter really because if you tell someone to stop doing something to you, he or she should stop or you get away. Glad you dropped him.

 

Going forward, if you tease-play with your BFs, be clear when it’s no longer playful. “No. Really. Stop.” Guys who listen, care and respect you won’t have a problem with it. But if someone habitually keeps going once you’ve clearly said "No" or Stop", be absolutely and completely done with him. So, it's good you're done with this one, regardless of why.

[BlueIris]

Why didn't you tell him what I told you to say? The way you comment to him is making him think you like his behavior.

 

I don't understand. Can you explain what indicated that she liked the behavior?

 

This is what she said she said:

I said "You're crossing the line, get away from me"

I said "Remove your hand now or else"

I said I was having anxiety about a test that is coming up and I'm stressed out and to leave me alone.

I was ignoring him

I kept saying "Keep away from me"

 

She could have told him to leave, so is that what you mean?

 

 

edited to add ~~Also, as to what I said above, I do not mean to imply that what you said was not enough. It was more than enough!~~ My dad wouldn't have punched him but he would have told him to leave and told me to leave that jerk alone. And, man, I'd hate to believe that anyone these days still follows the "she really wanted him to, even though she told him not to" theory!

Edited September 10, 2014 by BlueIris

[preraph]

I have to disagree that his behavior is harmless. Going through friends or family to get to the woman is a textbook move by stalker types, and stalker types often turn dangerous. And the longer you let it go on, the more likely it is to turn dangerous. This dopehead is not lovesick. He's an abusive stalkery jerk.

[stillafool]

I don't understand. Can you explain what indicated that she liked the behavior?

 

This is what she said she said:

I said "You're crossing the line, get away from me"

I said "Remove your hand now or else"

I said I was having anxiety about a test that is coming up and I'm stressed out and to leave me alone.

I was ignoring him

I kept saying "Keep away from me"

 

She could have told him to leave, so is that what you mean?

 

 

edited to add ~~Also, as to what I said above, I do not mean to imply that what you said was not enough. It was more than enough!~~ My dad wouldn't have punched him but he would have told him to leave and told me to leave that jerk alone. And, man, I'd hate to believe that anyone these days still follows the "she really wanted him to, even though she told him not to" theory!

 

She said the above things to him over and over in the past. He continues to say them. I don't think she seems serious enough in her tone when she tells him she is not interested. That is why I gave her the language to say in her prior thread so he will be sure to get the message that she is not just uninterested but not interested in HIM. If she had said it the way I told her to he would know she doesn't want him and leave her alone. The language she used sounds very much like she's enjoying the chase.

[BlueIris]

She said the above things to him over and over in the past. He continues to say them. I don't think she seems serious enough in her tone when she tells him she is not interested. That is why I gave her the language to say in her prior thread so he will be sure to get the message that she is not just uninterested but not interested in HIM. If she had said it the way I told her to he would know she doesn't want him and leave her alone. The language she used sounds very much like she's enjoying the chase.

 

Ok. But let’s give her a break. Learning to assert oneself and set clear boundaries isn’t the easiest thing- especially when we’re not in the habit, or when a relationship has followed a certain pattern that one person is trying to break. I certainly know people, especially girls and women, who are nervous to assert themselves, or who do not want to come off as forceful for fear of being labeled a b***h. I mean, there are enough posts that label her negatively and assign fault to her even in this situation, where she was very clear!

 

When I was younger, I sure feared being called something bad or having blame shifted to me if a guy overstepped, or if he assumed I was playing and didn’t mean it, so I was shy about asserting myself. I might giggle or waffle or blush or just be quiet-toned when I said something. It’s a learning process- for men and women.

 

Heck there’s even a book called “why does he do that?” It’s the classic question, so it makes perfect sense that she asked why he did that!

 

He's gone now and she did step up and consistently say, no. So good on her. He might not believe her still, so she might keep getting pushed, and tested.

 

I wish you luck, OP. Stick to your guns and go No Contact if he harasses you.

 

Edited to add: When this thread was first posted, it began with the first post on page 4 and was titled "Why is he trying to make me mad?" Now that thread has been tacked onto an old thread- I guess at the OP's request? Or maybe they just always put all threads about the same person or relationship together into one thread. I'm pretty new here.

Edited September 11, 2014 by BlueIris

[xxJuliexx]

I don't talk to the loser, I don't engage with him. BlueIris is right, what more could I do? I wasn't smiling or laughing as I was saying "Get away from me" I kept going away, when I was in the living room and he started that crap, I went into the dining room, he followed me in still touching me and I said "QUIT IT!" and walked outside, he follows me outside, still touching and grabbing my hand and trying to hug me, and then when I tried to go back inside he blocked my path and was laughing. Then I went upstairs HE STILL FOLLOWED! I kept saying "Seriously get away from me" and he kept laughing and saying "I love you! Everything's fine babydoll" Then when I sat down he sat next to me and touched my leg and I said, "Remove your hand or else" and he said "Stop resisting" and I tried to physically remove his hand myself. He had this undeniable strength, it's probably because he's a psycho. So I got up again and he was blocking my path and so on. I tried all what I could, then my dad came in the house and he acted normal and backed off.

[FitChick]

I got up again and he was blocking my path and so on. I tried all what I could, then my dad came in the house and he acted normal and backed off.

 

That's why you should tell your parents.

[Diezel]

I don't talk to the loser, I don't engage with him. BlueIris is right, what more could I do? I wasn't smiling or laughing as I was saying "Get away from me" I kept going away, when I was in the living room and he started that crap, I went into the dining room, he followed me in still touching me and I said "QUIT IT!" and walked outside, he follows me outside, still touching and grabbing my hand and trying to hug me, and then when I tried to go back inside he blocked my path and was laughing. Then I went upstairs HE STILL FOLLOWED! I kept saying "Seriously get away from me" and he kept laughing and saying "I love you! Everything's fine babydoll" Then when I sat down he sat next to me and touched my leg and I said, "Remove your hand or else" and he said "Stop resisting" and I tried to physically remove his hand myself. He had this undeniable strength, it's probably because he's a psycho. So I got up again and he was blocking my path and so on. I tried all what I could, then my dad came in the house and he acted normal and backed off.

 

And then you told your dad about his behavior and you and your family kicked him out of the house, at which point your dad pulled out an unloaded shotgun, as if to threaten his life and told him to never come back...

 

RIGHT?

 

Because God forbid I had a daughter who went through that in MY house and I didn't find out about it.

 

They may never find that kid's body.

 

So it BOGGLES my mind that you and your family continue to allow him to visit and even step foot into the house, which suggests to me, that you DO still like SOMETHING about this. That's a horrid thought.

[stillafool]

I do like him to some extent but I wouldn't say I have a "crush" on him or I like him in a boyfriend way etc. I do like him though, I guess you could say just him as a person, but I get offended when he starts his "player" acts of going out with multiple women and lying about who he's dating and what not, cause it offends me cause I think "Oh you think i'm stupid?" "You think I am going to fall for that crap?" "Really?" but I did kinda tell I am not interested, but I see how it could appear that way, that I like the attention and what not, but seriously, I think I would be ok with him if he wasn't so sexual and condescending I guess. Thanks D0nnivain!

 

The above is why I think she likes the attention as well as other statements she has made. If someone was bothering me the way OP says this guy does and I didn't like it; I would certainly speak to my Dad about him and have him thrown out of the house.

[xxJuliexx]

And then you told your dad about his behavior and you and your family kicked him out of the house, at which point your dad pulled out an unloaded shotgun, as if to threaten his life and told him to never come back...

 

RIGHT?

 

Because God forbid I had a daughter who went through that in MY house and I didn't find out about it.

 

They may never find that kid's body.

 

So it BOGGLES my mind that you and your family continue to allow him to visit and even step foot into the house, which suggests to me, that you DO still like SOMETHING about this. That's a horrid thought.

 

Lol, hey! I agree! It was a total violation for sure! So I could see a parent getting upset about the. I told my dad about it, and my dad thinks he was "joking" and he says he's "immature" so my dad took it lightly an didn't really think it was "abnormal", however, my mom said she doesn't want him back in the house, cause she agreed with me that it was wrong of him to do that. My mother was livid but my dad took it lightly. Luckily I don't live in their house, I live 20 mins away and I do frequently visit them, but hopefully since my mom is on my side that he won't be there cause it seems like almost everytime I visit my parents he's there, cause he's either hanging out with my brothers or doing some kind of work for my dad. It just sucks cause I think I have to be less frequent in visiting my parents, cause of him, cause him and my brothers do get along, so I really don't know how much of that "He's not stepping foot in this house ever again" rule is really going to be valid. Thanks.

[BlueIris]

Lol, hey! I agree! It was a total violation for sure! So I could see a parent getting upset about the. I told my dad about it, and my dad thinks he was "joking" and he says he's "immature" so my dad took it lightly an didn't really think it was "abnormal", however, my mom said she doesn't want him back in the house, cause she agreed with me that it was wrong of him to do that. My mother was livid but my dad took it lightly. Luckily I don't live in their house, I live 20 mins away and I do frequently visit them, but hopefully since my mom is on my side that he won't be there cause it seems like almost everytime I visit my parents he's there, cause he's either hanging out with my brothers or doing some kind of work for my dad. It just sucks cause I think I have to be less frequent in visiting my parents, cause of him, cause him and my brothers do get along, so I really don't know how much of that "He's not stepping foot in this house ever again" rule is really going to be valid. Thanks.

 

Not good. Well, at least your mom understands. Your dad just doesn't get it and is still living in the mindset that it's all on the girl and boys get a pass, or the way boys treat girls doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter why you don't want that boy around the house, your dad should be backing your decision even if he doesn't understand. It sounds like your family- that is, your dad especially- has set the stage for disrespect and disrespectful relationships. Well, at least your mom gets it. Maybe you can call before going over so you can avoid the guy. If he shows up while you're there, I'd just say your "good byes" and leave.

[Omei]

When people are not interested dont want them around and I mean truthfully feel that way then its real easy to get a person to go away/stay when ones usually annoyed or doesn't have much effection in their direction its real simple for them to let go without worrying about if the other persons feelings are hurt or not. That being said I agree with the majority the attention is liked good or bad and OP is the one with the problem is it even really a problem? I dont get why there's a post I just see that whole girl being stalked girl likes girl makes post about it but doesn't plan to fix it thing.