UPDATE! Why does he keep trying to date me when I said "I am not into players"?

September 6, 2014

I do admit I like him. I just don't know how much I like him. I don't have a "crush" on him and I don't look at him as a boyfriend, so I don't know my true feelings on him but I can say I do like to some extent. I don't enjoy the attention, sorry if it appears that way, but really I am just not a mean person and I don't want to hurt anyone so I am trying to make my message clear but be nice about it and it doesn't seem to be working though, but I can't get myself to the point of actually be rude with him to make him stop. Also he doesn't contact me that much for me to even say that anyways. He really doesn't "bother" me, he just bothers me when I see him, and when I visit my parent's house cause he's either hanging out with my brothers or calling there, or when my friends invite him out somewhere. Other than that he doesn't call me often or text at all. So I am between a rock and a hard place. Thanks.

God, you're in love with this guy. Stop fighting it and admit it already.

September 6, 2014

I don't believe this.

Believe it - she confirmed it.

September 6, 2014

I am 21 years old so it's really no big deal. Facebook is that type of social media where you add anyone, It's really no biggie lol.

So what if you are 21 yrs old? All that means is that in the US you are now able to consume alcohol. If you knew it all, why are you on here then?

I know exactly what Facebook is, and I hear about all the drama that goes on with it, which is why I have chosen to avoid it like the plague. By "adding anyone", does that include pesty types then?

If I was on there, I won't even dream of adding my child's friends, there is just something creepy about that

September 6, 2014

She should tell her parents and brothers that he wants to have sex with her and she doesn't know what to do. They will handle things.

Why don't you, OP, date guys from school instead of having fantasies about players?

Contact his ex-girlfriends and see what they have to say. That might convince you.

If you don't want to take any of the advice given thus far, have sex with him. I guarantee you will never see him again.

September 7, 2014

Why would you call back a random number that called you?

September 7, 2014

Maybe he is playing you but even players can fall in love. I've known many, some are now in happy relationships. My cousin was pursued by a player for years. She married his friend who was the good guy and the good guy left her alone with a little girl to raise.

The player helped her recover, she fell in love. They married and he adopted her daughter, and they had another.

Shesbeen happily married to the player for 23 years. I know most players don't turn out to be the one. But it can happen

September 7, 2014

She should tell her parents and brothers that he wants to have sex with her and she doesn't know what to do. They will handle things.

Why don't you, OP, date guys from school instead of having fantasies about players?

Contact his ex-girlfriends and see what they have to say. That might convince you.

If you don't want to take any of the advice given thus far, have sex with him. I guarantee you will never see him again.

What are you talking about? I did take people's advice! Everyone told me to give him a straight up "I'm not interested" and I said exactly that, and I was giving the update cause a lot of people said they wanted to know the update when I say that to him and I did, so I gave an update to let people know it didn't work, and he still thinks somehow that I am stupid and will fall for him or something. I do like him to some extent but I am not a mean person I don't want to create drama, and I am not around him that much, I just wanted to have a discussion and have opinions on the matter, but I did take people's advice, and I am telling people that he is still persistent and it seems to not matter what I say but in the end it's not that big of a deal cause he is easily avoided, I live on my own so I am not around my parents house that much, and that is where he usually calls and is around there cause my brothers live with my parents. Thanks for commenting.

September 7, 2014

Red Robin - you see this?

Yes, I saw this.

My thought is that she liked the guy he USED to be, not the guy he is now... or the guy she learned he really is.

She is having a hard time reconciling the person she THOUGHT he was and the behavior she is seeing now.

If she goes along with it, sure, she'll learn. She'll learn that she was right about him being a player. She already knows he is. Lots of women want to believe they are different instead of just trusting their instincts and walking away.

There is always someone who tells them something like 'players fall in love too'. Ah baloney. Players love themselves and no one else.

Besides, why would any decent, self respecting woman ever develop feelings for a man who used, discarded, and 'played' with so many women before her? Yuck.

September 7, 2014

Maybe he is playing you but even players can fall in love. I've known many, some are now in happy relationships. My cousin was pursued by a player for years. She married his friend who was the good guy and the good guy left her alone with a little girl to raise.

The player helped her recover, she fell in love. They married and he adopted her daughter, and they had another.

Shesbeen happily married to the player for 23 years. I know most players don't turn out to be the one. But it can happen

Oh wow! That's an interesting story! yeah sometimes players can change I've even seen it with my own friends, guys whom I known forever have changed cause they fell in love with a girl. My friend who is 24 years old was a constant player and had the pick up lines and everything and then a girl came along 2 years ago and they are still together and he is madly in love with her, lol. He doesn't like any other girl and it's like he's a whole new person, so I see what you mean, but I don't know. I think Josh thinks it's "thrill" with me more than an actual love towards me. I think he likes the fact that he chases me and I resist, and it's almost like he wants to be the winner lol. That's the impression I get. But thanks for sharing your story and opinion

September 7, 2014

It's more than likely that the 'married to player guy for 23 years' is getting cheated on, and he's just really good at hiding it. I work with all men. See THAT all the time. You get to talking, and it turns out he was that way before they got married... So rather than be divorced twice and disrupting the kid's life, the wife turns a blind eye rather than just admitting she was stupid for ever getting involved with the guy in the first place. That's usually how the story goes.

September 7, 2014

Yes, I saw this.

My thought is that she liked the guy he USED to be, not the guy he is now... or the guy she learned he really is.

She is having a hard time reconciling the person she THOUGHT he was and the behavior she is seeing now.

If she goes along with it, sure, she'll learn. She'll learn that she was right about him being a player. She already knows he is. Lots of women want to believe they are different instead of just trusting their instincts and walking away.

There is always someone who tells them something like 'players fall in love too'. Ah baloney. Players love themselves and no one else.

Besides, why would any decent, self respecting woman ever develop feelings for a man who used, discarded, and 'played' with so many women before her? Yuck.

Wow, you hit the nail on the head with that. I think you are right! Cause when I didn't know him well, I thought he was genuinely a nice guy that really liked me but we didn't hang out much and the relationship didn't progress cause I was in the process at that time with going to college full time and working full time, plus I moved into my apartment so it was a very busy and stressful time, and that naturally made me hold back cause I was so busy that whole semester. Then I was finding out more and more about him! Then that made me resist, but I loved the person that I first knew of him, and once I started to find out it was hard for me to let go of him as a friend cause I built a connection and a bond with him at the time, and I didn't want to accept the fact that this guy is "playing" me or is a "player" cause I did like him to some extent, and loyalty is a big thing with me, and I especially hate players. However, I thought well I will just keep my distance and I did, but it doesn't matter cause when I visit my brothers and my parents he will sometimes be there or call while i'm there and it will put me in a bad position. It is difficult and I am fighting through the fact that he is a player, and I am not giving in, and I won't, but in the same breath I can't let go. So you are definitely right RedRobin! Thanks! And sorry for the long reply lol.

September 7, 2014

Julie, it is always sad when you have to let a friend go, or someone you thought you trusted turns out not to be so trustworthy.

I myself just cut the last tie with a friend of mine who was cheating on her husband (someone I also know) for over three years despite my advice. Her now H met her when she was dating someone else, and she tried to engage HIM in an affair at the time, and he refused. Insisted on her breaking up with the other guy, which she did.

So, maybe her H shouldn't be surprised when he finds out he was cheated on... considering the circumstances of how their relationship started. I tried to distance myself from her ever since she told me about her affair, but she goes to the same ballet class as me and we have a lot of overlapping friends... a few of whom I introduced to her before I found all this other stuff out.

The final straw was over something that, from an outsiders viewpoint might look very trivial... but to me, I knew she was lying to me boldfaced... and well, I'd had enough. I was not going to allow even one more mutual connection to be polluted by my acquaintance with her. She's a snake and always will be.

See, this is how it goes with players. Male or female. They are always playing. And not just the people they want to have sex with. All you can do is get away from them.

September 7, 2014

Julie, it is always sad when you have to let a friend go, or someone you thought you trusted turns out not to be so trustworthy.

I myself just cut the last tie with a friend of mine who was cheating on her husband (someone I also know) for over three years despite my advice. Her now H met her when she was dating someone else, and she tried to engage HIM in an affair at the time, and he refused. Insisted on her breaking up with the other guy, which she did.

So, maybe her H shouldn't be surprised when he finds out he was cheated on... considering the circumstances of how their relationship started. I tried to distance myself from her ever since she told me about her affair, but she goes to the same ballet class as me and we have a lot of overlapping friends... a few of whom I introduced to her before I found all this other stuff out.

The final straw was over something that, from an outsiders viewpoint might look very trivial... but to me, I knew she was lying to me boldfaced... and well, I'd had enough. I was not going to allow even one more mutual connection to be polluted by my acquaintance with her. She's a snake and always will be.

See, this is how it goes with players. Male or female. They are always playing. And not just the people they want to have sex with. All you can do is get away from them.

Oh my! Sorry about your friend, I see what you mean. It's hard, and I am trying to distance myself, maybe over time it will get better, but yeah it's hard to let go of that "good" feeling and that different impression, but yet I know what he's all about. It's weird. Thank you RedRobin, you are very insightful!

September 7, 2014

The final straw was over something that, from an outsiders viewpoint might look very trivial... but to me, I knew she was lying to me boldfaced... and well, I'd had enough. I was not going to allow even one more mutual connection to be polluted by my acquaintance with her. She's a snake and always will be.

See, this is how it goes with players. Male or female. They are always playing. And not just the people they want to have sex with. All you can do is get away from them.

Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater... the hardest I think is when you know you're being lied to - you get that sinking feeling in your stomach - and it stings like hell. Overcoming that initial shock and hurt is the hardest. After that, it's either walk away or revenge. I do laugh at people, who are players, when they complain they can't meet any one. I'd like to think that's karma doing its job.

September 7, 2014

Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater... the hardest I think is when you know you're being lied to - you get that sinking feeling in your stomach - and it stings like hell. Overcoming that initial shock and hurt is the hardest. After that, it's either walk away or revenge. I do laugh at people, who are players, when they complain they can't meet any one. I'd like to think that's karma doing its job.

True! Very true! Ha! I wish he would say that. I would so give him the all the details why he can't find anyone, haha.

September 7, 2014

It's more than likely that the 'married to player guy for 23 years' is getting cheated on, and he's just really good at hiding it. I work with all men. See THAT all the time. You get to talking, and it turns out he was that way before they got married... So rather than be divorced twice and disrupting the kid's life, the wife turns a blind eye rather than just admitting she was stupid for ever getting involved with the guy in the first place. That's usually how the story goes.

Maybe he is, but I do know she cheated on him 5 years ago with a friend. She stayed at my house a while after, she felt horrible because he was faithful to her

Maybe he has been screwing around the whole time, or had revenge sex after her affair. But he's a hard worker, a good husband and father. I admit I'm jaded and have a hard time trusting people, but I trust him

September 7, 2014

Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater... the hardest I think is when you know you're being lied to - you get that sinking feeling in your stomach - and it stings like hell. Overcoming that initial shock and hurt is the hardest. After that, it's either walk away or revenge. I do laugh at people, who are players, when they complain they can't meet any one. I'd like to think that's karma doing its job.

I do believe some cheaters can reform, but only with a full confession and a lot of therapy. To me, it is similar to alcoholism or substance abuse. The roots go deep. Most don't have the courage for that.

September 8, 2014

Julie

When you told him you weren't interested what was your body language like? You may have been sending mixed messages, especially if you giggled or smiled.

If you genuinely don't want to date this guy do & say the following:

Get him someplace quiet but relatively public. Your parents' living room with other people in the house is fine; a table in the corner if you are out with a group is better as long as you can hear each other speak.

Tell him that he needs to stop telling you that he loves you because it's creeping you out & is not flattering. Tell him the sentiment is not returned. Tell him that as your brothers' friend & somebody who has been allowed in your parents' home you hope he can respect your instruction to back off.

If he doesn't back off tell your parents & your brothers but don't call the police or try for a restraining order. Telling you he loves you is not a criminal act.

September 8, 2014

Julie

When you told him you weren't interested what was your body language like? You may have been sending mixed messages, especially if you giggled or smiled.

If you genuinely don't want to date this guy do & say the following:

Get him someplace quiet but relatively public. Your parents' living room with other people in the house is fine; a table in the corner if you are out with a group is better as long as you can hear each other speak.

Tell him that he needs to stop telling you that he loves you because it's creeping you out & is not flattering. Tell him the sentiment is not returned. Tell him that as your brothers' friend & somebody who has been allowed in your parents' home you hope he can respect your instruction to back off.

If he doesn't back off tell your parents & your brothers but don't call the police or try for a restraining order. Telling you he loves you is not a criminal act.

I said it in the background while my mom was on the phone with him. I said "I'm not interested and i'm busy." Yeah you're right I need to do something. Thanks for the advice!

September 8, 2014

That's another thing. I don't want to go to my family about it. I am between a rock and a hard place with that, cause I know that will stir drama, and I don't want to have any drama. It's really difficult. I guess I am just going to have to swallow it and keep ignoring him and just ignore everything. Thank you!

No you don't have to swallow anything or ignore him. Just pull him aside and tell him with a very serious face, "I do not appreciate the constant advances whenever you see or talk to me. Please stop asking my relatives about me. I simply am not interested in you in a romantic way. Please stop because I have no intention of dating you. If you continue to bother me I will have no other choice but to ask for help from my brother and parents." Then turn and walk away. It's really simple.

September 9, 2014

Well it's about Josh the guy in my latest posts. Everyone told me to be firm with him and so out of nowhere I visit my parents house and he shows up and says he's going to help my dad dig a pond. My brothers aren't home, but I have another brother from my mom's first marriage who is absolutely brutal and vindictive to me.

Well Josh, kept on trying to ruffle my feathers, and he kept bringing up my brother, and even my mom chimed in and said "Stop it! You know she gets angry if you mention Michael" He said "I know, that's why I mention him" And then he kept bringing up stuff he shouldn't bring up and I said "You're crossing the line, get away from me" And then he would act really pervy and start being all touchy and he put his hand on my leg, and I said "Remove your hand now or else" He kept grabbing my hand and saying how much he loves me and I said "Get away from me" then he would start up again with the condescending comments, when I said I was having anxiety about a test that is coming up and I'm stressed out and to leave me alone. Then when I was ignoring him He said "Don't give me the cold shoulder" "Do you hate me?" "Everythings alright babydoll" He just kept doing that and then he would touch me and I kept saying "Keep away from me" So why is he trying to make me mad? Why is he trying to ruffle my feathers? And then act all pervy and touchy? What the hell? I seriously can't stand Josh now. Don't tell me to forget about it, I want to know the psychology behind this and why he did that to me!

September 9, 2014

Also he said "I was just kidding, you know that" "We had this discussion before" I said "You're being disrespectful Josh and I don't like you" He said "I am not being disrespectful, I'm joking around" But if he's joking then he's pretty sick cause you shouldn't joke about someone's pain. You shouldn't joke about something that bothers someone. He's such a loser and a douchebag, and I want to know the possible reasons why he did that to me! Thank you.

September 9, 2014

I want to know the psychology behind this and why he did that to me!

I want to know the psychology behind how your parents would allow this to go on under their roof.

He's a dick. Who knows why people are like that. He's small, vindictive, and he doesn't have a good sense of social boundaries or personal interaction. He's a dick. That's all. It ain't rocket science.

September 9, 2014

Seriously, another post about this guy?

You like him and ANYTHING he says, gets to you. That's why he does it. And it's working. If you and your family can't tell him firmly to stay away from you and your house, then it's because you don't want to.

September 9, 2014

You're the one with the problem.

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UPDATE! Why does he keep trying to date me when I said "I am not into players"?

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