UPDATE! Why does he keep trying to date me when I said "I am not into players"?

[xxJuliexx]

Hi guys! It's just a little update on http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/490925-why-does-he-keep-trying-date-me-when-i-said-i-am-not-into-players post and I wanted to get opinions on how I did, and I wanted opinions on him as well. Just give me your over all opinion. Thank you.

 

 

Well, I haven't seen him but I was over at my parents house and my mom picks up the phone and it's "player man" I guess I will call him "Josh" to make things easier. Josh calls my mom and asks if she knew anyone that could use him for extra work on the weekends, and then he asked "Where's Julie?" "You and Julie should meet me at Louie's Bar" My mom relayed the message while on the phone with him, and I said "I'm not interested, and I am busy" SO then he said "You and Julie should meet me later then" And I didn't show up.

 

 

Then the next night, I was in class and I got a weird number calling me. I called it back after I got out of class, and what do you know? It was Josh, he got a new number obviously. He was asking me if I knew anyone that would use him for extra work, and I was just normal with him, saying "I'll see" then he kept on continuously saying "I love you" to me and "I love you to death" He was saying he had to go, but yet he kept on talking to me. I didn't respond to his "love you's" So I just got off the phone with him. How did I handle it? What do you think about him? Obviously I am not budging so I don't why he thinks I am going to? Just give me your overall opinion on both of us! Thank you!

[Tayken]

Simply to score in order to make you eat your words i.e. that you were only playing hard to get

[xxJuliexx]

Also what I find weird too is that when I came home he apparently Facebook messaged my mother prior to calling me, saying "What's Julie's number? I need to ask her something" When he knows my number off by heart, cause when I was around him like a month ago, he didn't even have his phone on him and he said my number at the top of his head, so he has my number in his memory bank, lol, I don't know why he would message my mom, to get my number, when I have always had the same number, and he knew it. Weird....don't know where he was going with that? Lol.

[Tayken]

Hmmm...how did he know your mother has a Facebook account, and what is she doing friending him or whatever the term is? I am not on any social media so don't use it

[d0nnivain]

I still don't think he's a player. I think he's a mixed up young guy who is doing everything wrong as he tries to express his genuine affection for you. Players don't call your mom.

 

Since your mom & brothers are already mixed up in this, have one of them gently but firmly tell him to back off if you really aren't interested.

 

Remember, though I think you secretly enjoy the attention & part of you wants him to prove his love by continuing to chase you.

[CarrieT]

Players don't call your mom.

Players also don't express words of Love.

 

This guy is not a player, but a love-sick kid.

 

If you are genuinely not interested, then sit him down and tell him - point blank - to stop contacting you. Period.

 

Then file a restraining order if you really don't want him around.

[xxJuliexx]

Hmmm...how did he know your mother has a Facebook account, and what is she doing friending him or whatever the term is? I am not on any social media so don't use it

 

Well a long time ago he sent her a friend request and so they are Facebook friends on Facebook. She doesn't engage with him though, people just add each other all the time on FB it doesn't mean anything lol.

[xxJuliexx]

I still don't think he's a player. I think he's a mixed up young guy who is doing everything wrong as he tries to express his genuine affection for you. Players don't call your mom.

 

Since your mom & brothers are already mixed up in this, have one of them gently but firmly tell him to back off if you really aren't interested.

 

Remember, though I think you secretly enjoy the attention & part of you wants him to prove his love by continuing to chase you.

 

I do like him to some extent but I wouldn't say I have a "crush" on him or I like him in a boyfriend way etc. I do like him though, I guess you could say just him as a person, but I get offended when he starts his "player" acts of going out with multiple women and lying about who he's dating and what not, cause it offends me cause I think "Oh you think i'm stupid?" "You think I am going to fall for that crap?" "Really?" but I did kinda tell I am not interested, but I see how it could appear that way, that I like the attention and what not, but seriously, I think I would be ok with him if he wasn't so sexual and condescending I guess. Thanks D0nnivain!

[xxJuliexx]

Players also don't express words of Love.

 

This guy is not a player, but a love-sick kid.

 

If you are genuinely not interested, then sit him down and tell him - point blank - to stop contacting you. Period.

 

Then file a restraining order if you really don't want him around.

 

 

I just wanted opinions on how I handled the situation and perspectives on the new situation. I see what you are saying, but players can say "I love you" to a girl, and what not, cause they are just trying to get what they want and have her under the false impression that the guy really "loves" her so that player dude can get what he wants. Players can manipulate emotions still. But I appreciate your opinion, and it's something to consider, cause who knows? I maybe to harsh for all I know. Thanks!

[Tayken]

Well a long time ago he sent her a friend request and so they are Facebook friends on Facebook. She doesn't engage with him though, people just add each other all the time on FB it doesn't mean anything lol.

 

Not parents and their kids friends....that just seems wrong to me. I mean how will your dad feel if he knew this, or how would you feel if your dad is "friending" one of your friends?

 

People rob banks all the time, a crime is still a crime, and I won't do it personally.

 

This seems to be a case of young drama here....but I expect a parent to know better.

[RedRobin]

Players also don't express words of Love.

 

This guy is not a player, but a love-sick kid. (Ah, baloney)

 

If you are genuinely not interested, then sit him down and tell him - point blank - to stop contacting you. Period. (she already has, many times. She doesn't need to waste one more second on this tool)

 

Then file a restraining order if you really don't want him around. Probably is time for that, yes

 

 

Oh, and the declarations of love? The 18 year old who tried to get me to kiss him when I was 12 told me that.

 

 

Every douchebag, player, married a-hole wanting me to have an affair with him told me that.

 

 

The sociopath in D-lish's thread told her that.

 

 

It's manipulation. Calling her mom and trying to reel her in is also pretty sick. Getting another number, then calling her so she'd pick up is sick.

 

 

The guy isn't love sick. He's just sick... and looks like will do anything... to get what he wants.

 

 

For as much experience as some of you ladies claim to have, I have my doubts that you two really know much about THIS kind of manipulation.

[mortensorchid]

Is he a player or just clueless? As I did not read your previous posts on this guy, I assume you are/know he's a player. There was some guy years ago who was bothering me. He kept calling me for MONTHS when I never returned any of his calls, sometimes calling me from multiple numbers one after another and never leaving a voice mail message. Talk about annoying. All I had to do with him is say one day "Please don't call me again." And I hung up. Never heard from him again. I think you could try this with him and it might hammer it home. Sometimes it's as simple as that.

 

 

And if that doesn't work, try aggression. I one time got a call from someone and shouted at him to stop calling me. He texted back how I wasn't a nice person at all and he was only trying to be my friend. That did not stop him even after a few months he started texting again. And if that's the case, change your numbers, block him on all social networking sites, change your email, screennames, etc. I knew someone who refused to change her numbers because they were work related. Well, maybe so, but peace and quiet is worth much more than constant bothering.

[RedRobin]

I do like him to some extent but I wouldn't say I have a "crush" on him or I like him in a boyfriend way etc. I do like him though, I guess you could say just him as a person, but I get offended when he starts his "player" acts of going out with multiple women and lying about who he's dating and what not, cause it offends me cause I think "Oh you think i'm stupid?" "You think I am going to fall for that crap?" "Really?" but I did kinda tell I am not interested, but I see how it could appear that way, that I like the attention and what not, but seriously, I think I would be ok with him if he wasn't so sexual and condescending I guess. Thanks D0nnivain!

 

I just wanted opinions on how I handled the situation and perspectives on the new situation. I see what you are saying, but players can say "I love you" to a girl, and what not, cause they are just trying to get what they want and have her under the false impression that the guy really "loves" her so that player dude can get what he wants. Players can manipulate emotions still. But I appreciate your opinion, and it's something to consider, cause who knows? I maybe to harsh for all I know. Thanks!

 

 

Julie, the difficult part for you is that this guy seems to be somewhat ingrained in your social network. Being a young lady, it is quite common to want to be 'nice' and find ways to not offend someone when you need to reject them. This guy is taking advantage of that.

 

 

You know the deal already with this guy, and for that, you get TONS of credit.

 

 

As you can tell, I seriously think this guy has crossed many lines. I'd seriously consider having a heart to hear t with your mom, brother, or whoever will listen about making sure they do their part to keep this guy away from you and document these incidents.

 

 

Then you need to tell the guy to stop contacting you, and if he doesn't, then you will inform authorities. Not in person. But in writing. Next time he contacts you.

[xxJuliexx]

Not parents and their kids friends....that just seems wrong to me. I mean how will your dad feel if he knew this, or how would you feel if your dad is "friending" one of your friends?

 

People rob banks all the time, a crime is still a crime, and I won't do it personally.

 

This seems to be a case of young drama here....but I expect a parent to know better.

 

I understand what you are saying but my dad is also Facebook friends with him. I mean we're not children, He's 25 years old and he worked for my dad for a little bit. I am 21 years old so it's really no big deal. Facebook is that type of social media where you add anyone, it's not like my mother and father engage with him anyways. It's really no biggie lol.

[xxJuliexx]

Julie, the difficult part for you is that this guy seems to be somewhat ingrained in your social network. Being a young lady, it is quite common to want to be 'nice' and find ways to not offend someone when you need to reject them. This guy is taking advantage of that.

 

 

You know the deal already with this guy, and for that, you get TONS of credit.

 

 

As you can tell, I seriously think this guy has crossed many lines. I'd seriously consider having a heart to hear t with your mom, brother, or whoever will listen about making sure they do their part to keep this guy away from you and document these incidents.

 

 

Then you need to tell the guy to stop contacting you, and if he doesn't, then you will inform authorities. Not in person. But in writing. Next time he contacts you.

 

Thanks RedRobin! I understand what you are saying. I guess I thought by me saying "I am not interested" and what not would be enough for him or tell him "this girl is not into me" I am between a rock and a hard place cause I do like him and don't want to hurt his feelings, but he needs to understand that I am not that type of girl that sleeps around with guys and is into players and I can't even tell you how many times I exhausted that to him. Then it just makes me confused and he plays games or something cause like I said, he knows my number off by heart, I don't know why he would FB message my mother asking for my number when he already knew my number. Also I found out the "new number" he has is actually his house phone. He broke his cell phone again, and so he was using his home phone and he never uses that, so I didn't recognize the number at all. But he plays weird games and I don't know what he's trying to accomplish by asking for my number when he already knows it? Lol. Thank you!

[truth_seeker]

Players also don't express words of Love.

 

This guy is not a player, but a love-sick kid.

 

If you are genuinely not interested, then sit him down and tell him - point blank - to stop contacting you. Period.

 

Then file a restraining order if you really don't want him around.

 

D0nnivain - isn't the restraining order on the same idea as my suggestion for her to get the police to give this a guy a courtesy call?

[RedRobin]

Thanks RedRobin! I understand what you are saying. I guess I thought by me saying "I am not interested" and what not would be enough for him or tell him "this girl is not into me" I am between a rock and a hard place cause I do like him and don't want to hurt his feelings, but he needs to understand that I am not that type of girl that sleeps around with guys and is into players and I can't even tell you how many times I exhausted that to him. Then it just makes me confused and he plays games or something cause like I said, he knows my number off by heart, I don't know why he would FB message my mother asking for my number when he already knew my number. Also I found out the "new number" he has is actually his house phone. He broke his cell phone again, and so he was using his home phone and he never uses that, so I didn't recognize the number at all. But he plays weird games and I don't know what he's trying to accomplish by asking for my number when he already knows it? Lol. Thank you!

 

 

First of all, stop worrying about HIS feelings. He's certainly not worried about yours.

 

 

Yes, telling him you aren't interested should be enough for any normal person. The fact that he keeps violating your boundaries is what concerns me. The fact that he is trying to do end runs around your wishes by using your family concerns me.

 

 

Whatever friendship, relationship, or otherwise you or your family had with him in the past needs to end...

 

 

These other connections he has to you and your family need to be eliminated. At this point, it is sending the wrong message that he is closer to you than he really is. Whatever he was in the past doesn't apply anymore.

[truth_seeker]

Remember, though I think you secretly enjoy the attention & part of you wants him to prove his love by continuing to chase you.

 

I agree 100%.

 

If she didn't like him at all, she would have nipped this in the bud a long time ago. For her to allow this to continue, she does like him.

[RedRobin]

... Also...

 

 

I personally am not a fan of restraining orders or police intervention until all other avenues have been exhausted and only those cases where you feel you might be in physical danger or they are severely impacting your ability to engage in work or other social activities. I've had one or two stalkers in my life, and multiple incidents of sexual harrassment in my career working around all men. I've never had to involve authorities.

 

 

There is a process to get rid of them... and a very effective one... that preserves your integrity and saves a lot of unnecessary time and drama. You've told him you aren't interested, that should have been enough, but it isn't. So, the next time he calls or emails, tell him not to contact you or your family anymore.

 

 

Ask your family to sever ties with him as well. It's unfortunate, but needs to be done.

[xxJuliexx]

I agree 100%.

 

If she didn't like him at all, she would have nipped this in the bud a long time ago. For her to allow this to continue, she does like him.

 

 

I do admit I like him. I just don't know how much I like him. I don't have a "crush" on him and I don't look at him as a boyfriend, so I don't know my true feelings on him but I can say I do like to some extent. I don't enjoy the attention, sorry if it appears that way, but really I am just not a mean person and I don't want to hurt anyone so I am trying to make my message clear but be nice about it and it doesn't seem to be working though, but I can't get myself to the point of actually be rude with him to make him stop. Also he doesn't contact me that much for me to even say that anyways. He really doesn't "bother" me, he just bothers me when I see him, and when I visit my parent's house cause he's either hanging out with my brothers or calling there, or when my friends invite him out somewhere. Other than that he doesn't call me often or text at all. So I am between a rock and a hard place. Thanks.

[RedRobin]

I agree 100%.

 

If she didn't like him at all, she would have nipped this in the bud a long time ago. For her to allow this to continue, she does like him.

 

 

I don't believe this.

 

 

I believe that young women get the message from society they have to be 'nice'... and aren't as forceful as they need to be telling someone off.

 

 

Also, there are plenty of men who get the message that being an a-hole gets results. Even though it is very rare, if one woman in 100 changes her mind, that's good enough odds for some guys. Especially since it really isn't that tough to bombard people with attention these days, given social networks, texting, cell phones, etc. Much harder to do and keep up in days past.

 

 

This guy could be doing this with 10 women simultaneously waiting for one to bite. Probably is, according to our OP.

[xxJuliexx]

... Also...

 

 

I personally am not a fan of restraining orders or police intervention until all other avenues have been exhausted and only those cases where you feel you might be in physical danger or they are severely impacting your ability to engage in work or other social activities. I've had one or two stalkers in my life, and multiple incidents of sexual harrassment in my career working around all men. I've never had to involve authorities.

 

 

There is a process to get rid of them... and a very effective one... that preserves your integrity and saves a lot of unnecessary time and drama. You've told him you aren't interested, that should have been enough, but it isn't. So, the next time he calls or emails, tell him not to contact you or your family anymore.

 

 

Ask your family to sever ties with him as well. It's unfortunate, but needs to be done.

 

 

That's another thing. I don't want to go to my family about it. I am between a rock and a hard place with that, cause I know that will stir drama, and I don't want to have any drama. It's really difficult. I guess I am just going to have to swallow it and keep ignoring him and just ignore everything. Thank you!

[RedRobin]

That's another thing. I don't want to go to my family about it. I am between a rock and a hard place with that, cause I know that will stir drama, and I don't want to have any drama. It's really difficult. I guess I am just going to have to swallow it and keep ignoring him and just ignore everything. Thank you!

 

 

Ok. Maybe you aren't ready to have them completely sever ties with him. Fair enough.

 

 

I still think you ought to have a conversation with them, and let them know how you are feeling about this. You don't need to go through this alone.

 

 

So far, I haven't heard any indication that they will create more drama for you. They sound like mature adults who can gracefully help you accomplish whatever you need to do. That's what parents are for If it makes you feel better, I occasionally ask my parents for advice and help managing certain social situations myself. Your parents never stop being your parents, if they are good ones!

[Diezel]

Just go out with him already. You two deserve each other.

 

This has been going on for weeks. You obviously like him more than you were originally letting on. I am pretty sure this is you overstating everything that happened and you secretly really want to go out with him.

 

If you didn't, you would have told him by now.

 

There's a difference between "playing nice" under normal circumstances, but once he starts crossing certain lines... that's on YOU.

 

So either you stop confusing the issue and give in to what you feel for him and give it a test run or stop playing games with each other, be real and don't talk.

[truth_seeker]

I do admit I like him. I just don't know how much I like him.

 

Red Robin - you see this?