irc333 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I have to say, Super Natural at message 101 of this thread. In regards to the whole idea of just a conveyor belt/catalog shopping mentality of online dating. Recalling how back when it first got started, someone wouldn't touch such a thing with a 10-foot ball..that you were considered "desperate" if you did such things. Now, even people I know in Meetup say how great such a thing is by saying, "You get to meet people you otherwise normally would not meet!" Thing is, they are kind of new to online dating and may come to terms with some people and wind up farmed into a rather impersonal nature of online dating. That it becomes "blah" after a while and there's no organic means of growing close with someone. I recall a conversation with a woman, this was when Yahoo Personals had been popular. Apparently she was a Christian single (not that it matters, lol), but this was before the days of Meetup and online dating sites were actually FREE at the time. There used to be a rather sizable church in her city that was popular for it's singles ministries, Bible Studys, and social activities after services. I get to talking to her and I asked, "Hey, have you ever tried out the <so and so church>, it has a real big singles group." She said, "I have, but there is rather socially awkward people there and quite frankly aren't the kind of people I would date." Yes, she was rather an attractive woman that went to check things out, only to notice not so attractive, fashionably out-of-date, socially inept people, etc. That's pretty much it. Now with online dating, it seems this method is inadvertently causing those to become desensitized to the organice approach and just farming through it like job interviews. I've heard complaints from my real life female friends having men cancel on them at the last minute, only to find them in "Online Now" status on POF. A lot of Catfishing. Though...it allows you to "Meet people that you would NEVER otherwise meet" though ...back in the 90's or early 2000's one COULD use that as a selling point...but now...mmmm...not so much. With so many options out there people are seeking the bigger better deal. The last woman I dated was a classic example. SHe only signed up on a dating site to "view" what's out there...only to see undesirable riff-raff and then logged off permanently. When we were out at the flea market, she spotted a man that was rather "riff-raff" in nature and said, "Holy crap, I saw him on POF!" He looked like a Meth head. lol Anyhow, I met her at a Meetup and it all happened naturally, organically. The way that dating was meant to be. I had taken a leave of absence from POF for 6 months and didn't register, but still had the ability to do a Filtered search only to see the same, still active faces again much later, which means I've exhausted my options in my geographic region within' a 1 hour drive radius. Yes, there is a finite amount of single people in the area. Yet, they remain permanent fixtures of these sites. Another note: Online is most preferred by people (namely women, and not women bashing here at all, but this is society in general) as they like to CONTROL who is in touch with them. They no longer care for the men approaching them in public method of meeting. As it was stated, they all have their faces buried in their smart phones or have their headsets plugged in. Some have even touted they prefer not to be bothered out in public when they are running errands. If a guy does ever strike up a conversation with a woman in a grocery store line, she's very cordial with him and short...then...she likely gets home on a Fri night, lock the doors and log into whatever dating site so she can "control the flow" of men with the ease of a delete key. Of course, men can be faulted for their unrealistic expectations as they have not much to bring to the table as the 50 year old man pursues 20 somethings. lol Also, another note....they rarely attend Meetups nor are the type to partake in Meetups because the idea of an "Organized" means of meeting new people is unappealing to them. Ever noticed some Meetups have over 1,000 members, but only, at the most 20 regulars attend...well...regularly? LOL What happens here is they look at the RSVP list of those in attendance that night...go "ew, ugly people" and don't go, even though they could be missing out on a great day of kayaking. Ironically enough, you'll see them come out of the wood work if they've never been to a Meetup if it's a 4th of July BBQ, Labor Day Picnic, and of course...the holidays they REALLY ramp up the RSVP's. LOL So now this evolvement of online dating has rather merged and the lines of crossed from the virtual world into the real world, as I see the same people on Meetup AND online dating sites. Some have openly TALKED about their online dating ventures in public at the Meetups...so there's no stigma or shame associated much with online dating anymore. Anyhow, figured I'd reiterate what Super Natural had so eloquently put it. Not sure if you've noticed the writing on the wall as of late, but it seems more and more apparent ..yes?...No? :-)
tk8888 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Yes - Definitely too many options coming in at once although I don't use them so I can't give a personal story there. I'm also not a big dating multiple people at the same time guy if you are ACTUALLY looking for a relationship. No - I have friends who have met through dating websites and are happily married. They were too busy to meet otherwise.
WesternWizard Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Out here in Los Angeles, you can forget about OLD if you're a man, even if you're good looking and rich. Basically, the overwhelming majority of women on OLD in LA are waiting for Mr. Moneybags to pick them like a flower... never mind most of these same women are not that good looking and are too busy flying from one country to another to "see the world". Basically, most of them are going to end up in nursing homes for not approaching men.
Author irc333 Posted September 6, 2014 Author Posted September 6, 2014 Out here in Los Angeles, you can forget about OLD if you're a man, even if you're good looking and rich. Basically, the overwhelming majority of women on OLD in LA are waiting for Mr. Moneybags to pick them like a flower... never mind most of these same women are not that good looking and are too busy flying from one country to another to "see the world". Basically, most of them are going to end up in nursing homes for not approaching men. Yeah , where I live it's more of a rural area....some of these newly single ladies move here to be with their parents/ family after a divorce or break up. THey come to realize the only people around here are the elderly or toothless rednecks...so they throw up a dating profile....I've emailed these women before, only to nary a response....took a break from online dating....went to see if the same women were there and ther ethey were. THey are better off moving to a larger city with greater options. One cannot afford to be picky when living in BFE.
FitChick Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Basically, most of them are going to end up in nursing homes for not approaching men. Most of them will anyway if they marry older men. Men die 7-10 years before women, which is why I date younger men.
FitChick Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Basically, most of them are going to end up in nursing homes for not approaching men. Most of them will anyway if they marry older men. Men die 7-10 years before women, which is why I date younger men. irc333, maybe you should move since you are always complaining.
NGC1300 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Yeah it's crazy how some of the same women have been active on those sites for years. And you know tons of men must be messaging them too. Wonder if they're even serious about the whole thing.
guest569 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I am still ashamed to admit to people that I met my ex online. It was always awkward for me when we were together and people ask how we met, but the reactions were always positive. I mean, it is a strange thing to do really isn't it? My ex actually met 10 different women in the early stages of our dating. I find that a bit insulting to be honest, I didn't have to meet anyone else cause i knew straight away. If we had met in real life whilst say, in the supermarket, rather than specifically hunting for partners online, I wouldn't have been competing with so many others. But no, we never would have met in the real world. Since my ex, I had a brief relationship with another from online.. In the 2 months we were dating. He was dating someone else and ended up dumping me for her. Ouch. Had I known that I was competing with another woman, there is no way i would have dated him for 2 months. Whilst this can easily happen, I think online dating makes this more common and easy for people to multi date. I don't mind if people are up front about it. But it doesn't make you feel special
OwMyEyeball Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Limiting your options to what can be found online is huge limitation in itself. Whether that be for job searches, business, romance, finances or any other realm of human endeavour. Social networking has been and still is the most effective way of meeting social (and a lot of practical) needs. Hands down. That some of that socializing has moved to online platforms doesn't discount the importance of continuing to form, foster and expand social circles. There's only so much of that you can do online. OLD offers the "direct approach" to what for most people is arrived at indirectly, through social gatherings and connections. That being said, I see no reason to feel shame for having met another person online. It's a connecting point, not the foundation and drive of the relationship. Who cares what your "first meet" story is. The story is only exciting as the storyteller makes it. "I kicked a ball around. Some people got pretty excited by that" - Pele "I got pretty angry about taxes and decided to do something about it" - George Washington "I drive a car around in circles." - Dale Earnhardt Jr (and Sr) "I made some people laugh." - The late Robin Williams and Joan Rivers 2
TheyCallMeOx Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 (edited) Just like I believe nobody is perfect, I also believe that no dating concept is perfect, either. I've pursued plenty of women in public environments only to be told "sorry, I have a boyfriend." The times that I am successful at getting a phone number, I find out through a first-time phone conversation that we're not compatible. Either that, or they have a kid. Then you have to politely tell them "oh, sorry. I didn't know you had a kid. Let me just be a typical as*hole and run in the opposite direction because you have a kid. Or let me be a typical a*shole because I refused to give you a chance at a date simply because you had an incompatibility that I didn't like. At first, she seems interesting...nice butt, nice smile, funny, but then you eventually find out her personality, and then it's like "welp...she's no good." Kind of disappointing and a waste of time. Then there's the option of going to "singles only" meetups, which is great because now I know that they're single, but every event is based around the consumption of alcohol. I don't drink alcohol, nor do I like going to bars for any occasion. Then there's the "singles only" meetups that genuinely seem kind of fun, like kayaking, but it's only for people ages 40+ because they've been to too many bars that they wanna switch it up for once in their lives. So it's either I meet a social drinker, which I'm not interested in, or I talk to women 40+ years old and lookin' for a man that I clearly can't be. Then you got the option to meet some women through friends, assuming you have a large network of friends. Again...it's no different than meeting a woman in public, but now you got an obligation to take things further than you normally would, or else you're gonna look like a bad friend for not seizing opportunity. Then once things don't work out, you're going to get hounded by your friend on why it didn't work out, and you'll have to explain "she just wasn't my type" multiple times. If it turns out really bad, you may end up putting your friend in a difficult position to "choose one or the other." The list goes on and on. I could spend hours and hours on individual ways to date people and why it potentially sucks, but I'm not going to point out every single flaws. That's just a waste of time. When someone is happily married, or whatever the case may be, do you really think they care how they met? I don't care if I found my soul-mate in a bathroom at McDonald's; I just would care about the fact that I found someone. Anybody who spends their time comparing stories with other couples is, I believe, going to end up being one miserable person: not just romantically, but socially, sexually, physically, etc. When I ask a friend "how'd the sex go?" I'm not expecting him to give me this long and drawn out story about how he ended up having a foursome with Paris Hilton, a midget, and his other sex partner. I'm just expecting him to say "I stuck it in, she liked it, I liked it, we eventually came, and I left." Honestly, I'd just be glad that one of my friends got laid. The same thing applies to relationships. As long as you're happy, why does it matter where they met? I met a woman doing OLD, and I'm gonna do that sh*t again. Yeah, there's some weird women out there but I've had more success online than I have in real life. No certain way is guaranteed to work. The point of having options is to find something that will. Sometimes, people get lucky at grocery stores. Congratulations. Some people have wonderful stories. That's fantastic. Use whatever works. If you don't like online dating, delete your profile, pursue dating scenes that you feel comfortable participating in. No problem. There's plenty of opportunity out there, and different approaches you can take. There is no right or wrong way. Having a child in a hospital may be a boring approach, and something that a lot of couples tend to do, but I'd rather have a child near professionals to take care of my woman than my wife having a child in the backseat of a black and gold trim 1979 Firebird running from the cops (mustache not included). Edited September 7, 2014 by TheyCallMeOx 1
Lipitor11 Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Yeah it's crazy how some of the same women have been active on those sites for years. And you know tons of men must be messaging them too. Wonder if they're even serious about the whole thing. I also think it's disturbing to find the guys that have been on there for several years! It's like what are they looking for? I don't know what is more socially acceptable for a man to be on OLD for 6 years or a woman to be using OLD for that period of time.
Author irc333 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 I also think it's disturbing to find the guys that have been on there for several years! It's like what are they looking for? I don't know what is more socially acceptable for a man to be on OLD for 6 years or a woman to be using OLD for that period of time. Good question, though the thing is, let's say you take these two genders in the same geographic range that they seek (say 25 miles on POF) Chances are THESE very men you speak of have been emailing said women (both of which have been on the online dating sites forever) and these men had likely been emailing these women. Of course, guess who is ignoring these men? The women. So nothing is really accomplished. LOL It's becomes a geographic stalemate of sorts between those within close range of each other. What I like to do is wait a few months, and emails the same women in my area I've already emailed before to see if they had an "AH-HA!" moment of sorts realizing that they cannot afford to be picky where they live.
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