simplicity1 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 When meeting a new group of people, I sometimes get a lot of attention from men for maybe a week or two and then it all disappears. I suspect that's where this is headed too, so maybe you can help me play my cards right. I'm in my mid 20's and last night I had a dance party with a new group of people. It was like middle school! Two guys who I met in the last week, each with two wingman friends, fighting over me in a pretty immature way. Guy #1 is generally doing the right things (seeking me out, actually inviting me to do stuff, etc), but I feel myself giving him "just enough" because I'm undecided about him and the physical attraction may not be there enough. Guy #2 has all the physical attraction and I can't help but crush on him, but he's behaving very weirdly! He was def a bit drunk, but the most attention he gave me last night was during times I was talking with #1. One time he more or less pulled me away! Another time #2's friend started dancing with me a bit and then pulled in #2, and literally pushed us together. But then #2 would only talk to me for a bit until he'd wander away When he and his buddy were leaving at the end of the evening, they saw me and came back. It was a chaotic scene but my friend was explaining that we were waiting for someone for a surprise and then #2 ended up kind of waiting around with his friend for a bit in the corner and then ultimately left without saying goodbye to me. A bit more context on #2: we spent two evenings in larger groups last week focused only on each other, getting to know each other a lot and making fun of each other. But now suddenly in the last 2-3 days he's gotten all weird and distant. (ex/ I went up to his buddies twice at another event and when another of his friends joined the convo #2 kind of wandered away and left his friend and me to talk despite my efforts to engage most with #2). I thought this behavior was obviously because he had decided he didn't like me, but judging by #2 and #2's friends behavior last night, maybe he's just being weird because he *is* attracted to me??? I don't know!! So, how do I navigate this situation?? Do I text guy #2 something this morning like "you left last night?" It's always in my nature to be very proactive about these things. Been trying to train myself to be more passive and 'let them do the work' or whatever. But maybe guy #2 needs me to make a move?? I'm hanging with #1 on Monday but def subconsciously giving him just enough which maybe isn't fair of me? I just think it's plausible that at the end of the day wind up as friends, but also plausible that i'd grow to like him more, so trying to keep both options open! Or do I face the fact that, like in past situations, this story ends with me winding up with neither one? Thanks for any help.
d0nnivain Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 They key to multi dating is make sure they never are in the same room with each other. You may have lost them both with that faux pas. 1
preraph Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I think #2 isn't used to having to compete and just assumes he'll get the girl, especially since they all know each other and that dynamic has probably played out many times. He probably does not care that much, but he's a little competitive because he's used to getting the girl so he hates to lose out to his buddy, but not enough to really put any work into it to win you. So I'm saying for him you're just another girl, but he'd like to keep up his image of being the one among his group who gets the girl. If you're really not attracted to the other guy, then stop flirting with all these guys and move on. If you think you might be attracted if his personality was good, then give him a chance, but you're going to have to really shut down #2 and not let him interfere or it's just going to hurt #1.
Author simplicity1 Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 I think #2 isn't used to having to compete and just assumes he'll get the girl, especially since they all know each other and that dynamic has probably played out many times. He probably does not care that much, but he's a little competitive because he's used to getting the girl so he hates to lose out to his buddy, but not enough to really put any work into it to win you. So I'm saying for him you're just another girl, but he'd like to keep up his image of being the one among his group who gets the girl. If you're really not attracted to the other guy, then stop flirting with all these guys and move on. If you think you might be attracted if his personality was good, then give him a chance, but you're going to have to really shut down #2 and not let him interfere or it's just going to hurt #1. Thanks, I think this is all very rational advice. (but by the way all of us only met a couple of weeks ago and I think they've only spoken once or twice)
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