saz123 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I'm on vacation at the moment. Have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. I have barely heard from him at all. We have been texting a little bit but he refuses to call me due to costs. Last night I asked him to call me and his reply was "I'm busy". Later that night he asked to Skype video call me, so we did, and he looked happy to see me. Saying "love you" "miss you" etc and making jokes. As we ended the call I asked him to message me later, but he never did. And he's ignoring my messages now. I have a feeling he just wants me to enjoy my time away and to not think about him however it's making me feel awful that he is ignoring me. Help please anyone! X
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 ummmm... to put it simple your love is not being shared equally. it is nice you are thinking of him while away, just maybe he assumes you would be busier and setup some time with his buds and is partying it up. prolly drunk and unable to contact you until he is good. you can return PO'd and give him a good telling, and make your views shown so that he understands what you expect from him. if he does not show you respect by being more caring and understanding to your needs, you may have to rethink your priorities with him.
amaysngrace Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 He's acting like my toddlers use to if I left them for a little while. They use to ignore me too. Except he's not a toddler.
Author saz123 Posted September 6, 2014 Author Posted September 6, 2014 Obviously he set up time to see his pals BUT he video called me yesterday night whilst at his friends house... and told me he would message me as soon as he could. He has read my messages too but hasn't said anything back to me. Fine he wants me to have a good time and not message him every minute of the day but there's no need to ignore me. Usually he'd send me a message each night but failed to last night even though he said he would. He doesn't drink either so he wouldn't be drunk.
mammasita Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 How about you tell him how how his lack of messages makes you feel in a non confrontational manner.......that usually works in relationships.
Author saz123 Posted September 6, 2014 Author Posted September 6, 2014 How about you tell him how how his lack of messages makes you feel in a non confrontational manner.......that usually works in relationships. I have of course He tends to ignore me when I am out with my friend just because he wants me to have a good time. It's just 1 message wouldn't hurt. I've told him 1 message at least would make me happy and I haven't got one since before our video call yesterday. I get he's busy and stuff. He did text me before I went away and said "I can't wait to hear the stories about your holiday when you're back" so maybe he was hinting just to enjoy myself and not think about him, until I'm back. Also he is picking me up from the airport when I'm home.
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I have of course He tends to ignore me when I am out with my friend just because he wants me to have a good time. It's just 1 message wouldn't hurt. I've told him 1 message at least would make me happy and I haven't got one since before our video call yesterday. I get he's busy and stuff. He did text me before I went away and said "I can't wait to hear the stories about your holiday when you're back" so maybe he was hinting just to enjoy myself and not think about him, until I'm back. Also he is picking me up from the airport when I'm home. well, if he knows about how you communicate, even if he is open to just let you have a good time, then he should not ignore you. missing a reply back does not seem right, unless he is the one out on vacation. hear his side when he picks you up. and clearly redefine what you expect. i am sure his good intentions may be too laxed. just have him understand how you felt and expect a little more from him in keeping promissing contact. if he did not promise to contact you, then it would have been a different story. 1
Absinthe Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Honestly? This used to be something that bugged me about guys but as I strated to realise it was common behaviour, I decided to let it go. I live thousands of miles away and am close to my Dad but he NEVER texts me if I don't text first. We typically go two weeks without speaking before I have to break the silence. At the same time I know that he misses me loads. He never vocalises his true feelings, never. But you know, nobody could ask for a better Dad or more faithful husband. He is ex-military, so he often travelled loads, and he wouldn't call every day, just once a week. Even when he and my Mum had just started going out and he was out on training, he wouldn't call her every day to ask how she was. Of my male friends who text their girlfriends constantly, many of them are doing it because she kept harping on at him to do it and in the end, he caved. But if he wasn't nagged, he wouldn't do it. These guys are no less interested in their girlfriends though. tl;dr don't worry. 3
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Honestly? This used to be something that bugged me about guys but as I strated to realise it was common behaviour, I decided to let it go. I live thousands of miles away and am close to my Dad but he NEVER texts me if I don't text first. We typically go two weeks without speaking before I have to break the silence. At the same time I know that he misses me loads. He never vocalises his true feelings, never. But you know, nobody could ask for a better Dad or more faithful husband. He is ex-military, so he often travelled loads, and he wouldn't call every day, just once a week. Even when he and my Mum had just started going out and he was out on training, he wouldn't call her every day to ask how she was. Of my male friends who text their girlfriends constantly, many of them are doing it because she kept harping on at him to do it and in the end, he caved. But if he wasn't nagged, he wouldn't do it. These guys are no less interested in their girlfriends though. tl;dr don't worry. Well it sounds like the OP has feelings that she is not willing to sweep under the carpet. Some peeps think of it like you and others are not that way. I don't think it is a strain on the relationship to rethink and allow for new understandings. In the 3+ years of my LDR, we rethought many times, as one new progression into deeper trust, had made room for deeper feelings to be understood. Not sure if they got everything setup and allowed things to flow naturally. Even natural flows will need some guidance between each others needs and wants. Mutual understandings must be met 50/50 or love gets to be one sided in some ways. Love is not just passions, it is accepting and caring for the other. Caring should account for what the other expects without seeing it as a demand. If the OP fears it will be a demand, then her trust has already been short sided by other actions.
d0nnivain Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 You are creating problems where there isn't a major problem. If the worst thing your guy does is back off when you are on vacation cut him a break. 3
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 You are creating problems where there isn't a major problem. If the worst thing your guy does is back off when you are on vacation cut him a break. OK, I assume women should be submissive to their men and their own needs. I am not telling her to smack the living #&$^ out of him. If she can't speak what she feels, there is no deep and meaningful relationship. So am I the only one seeing she does feel, or why even bother posting??? If he can't reason to her needs then, yes don't say a freak'n word to him, and save what you got... And be sure to give him a BJ because you miss him.
d0nnivain Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I am not saying that she should be submissive or never say her piece. I said if he's otherwise a good BF & the only thing he does "wrong" is not chase after her while she's on vacation but otherwise is happy to Skype & is wonderful when she returns, is that single point of contention truly a reason to jettison a whole otherwise solid relationship? Presumably in the future, they will only go on vacation together. 2
Art_Critic Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 he sounds upset about something, is he upset he isn't on vacation with you ?
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I am not saying that she should be submissive or never say her piece. I said if he's otherwise a good BF & the only thing he does "wrong" is not chase after her while she's on vacation but otherwise is happy to Skype & is wonderful when she returns, is that single point of contention truly a reason to jettison a whole otherwise solid relationship? Presumably in the future, they will only go on vacation together. Never said kill it... just talk through it. I think she wants good reason for getting confidence to talk to him about it. She does not want to feel bad in bringing it up without good reason. To me good reason is sharing feelings good or bad. Hiding from what bothers you will just complicate things further down the road. I say even if uncomfy, say what you feel, and let love and trust get you through it. He has yet to say what had happened, and if not in the bad, he will listen and understand her side of it. I don't see why peeps think talking over issues is the same as confrontation. Confrontation is when both sides fail to understand the issue and become in conflict. If a man goes into conflict with a woman in discussion, he is failing to understand her. That happens when either he is wrong and hiding it, or that the woman is wrong and forcing the issue without discussion.
preraph Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 He's being passive-aggressive because he'd rather you didn't go and he's probably doing all the things he's been wanting to do too. I'm telling you the best solution to ANY situation when someone isn't returning your texts/calls is to completely stop texting and calling and go out and have fun and forget about it. 1
carhill Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 he sounds upset about something, is he upset he isn't on vacation with you ? That's one potential explanation. From my own perspective, since my exW vacationed with her girlfriends fairly regularly, I came to see vacation 'breaks' as downtime, since I'm more of an 'individuals coming together in love' versus 'joined at the hip' type person. My exW was the same so we meshed well in that regard. In the classic sense, 'no news was good news' and, other than any issues which came up and letting the other know they had arrived safely, we did our own thing. Perhaps the OP should ascertain her BF's perspective on such matters. Ask open-ended questions like 'why', and in a non confrontational manner, seeking understanding, *after* she gets back. In the meantime, enjoy your vacation! 2
Apaige Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I'm on vacation at the moment. Have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. I have barely heard from him at all. We have been texting a little bit but he refuses to call me due to costs. Last night I asked him to call me and his reply was "I'm busy". Later that night he asked to Skype video call me, so we did, and he looked happy to see me. Saying "love you" "miss you" etc and making jokes. As we ended the call I asked him to message me later, but he never did. And he's ignoring my messages now. I have a feeling he just wants me to enjoy my time away and to not think about him however it's making me feel awful that he is ignoring me. Help please anyone! X He definitely sounds mad about something....and btw, I see nothing wrong with expressing your feelings to your BF, and I agree, no reason why he can't text/call you. 1
rester Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 The worst thing you could do right now is speculate that he is mad at you. Talk it out when you get home, but for the time being have fun and enjoy your vacation. It's very likely he's just enjoying his time apart from you. Doesn't mean he loves you any less. 3
Els Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Last night I asked him to call me and his reply was "I'm busy". Later that night he asked to Skype video call me, so we did, and he looked happy to see me. Saying "love you" "miss you" etc and making jokes. As we ended the call I asked him to message me later, but he never did. And he's ignoring my messages now. Okay, let me get this straight. HE initiated a video call last night (ie less than 24 hours ago). It was a good video call that he was very affectionate and enthusiastic about. And the only issue is that he hasn't answered your texts since then. And you're on vacation, presumably traveling somewhere new? And he's picking you up at the airport when you arrive back home, presumably soon? Eh, I think you should just let it go. It seems rather over the top to be complaining about no texts for less than 24 hours, especially after he initiated a call last night. IMO he's right, you should just enjoy your vacation! If it were a long-term LDR thing my answer would be different, but this level of contact sounds fine for a temporary vacation. A little space now and then is healthy. 3
stillafool Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I haven't read your entire thread but if I were the one on vacation I would call my SO on my time. I wouldn't expect them to call me while I'm on my vacation. If my SO was the one on vacation I wouldn't want to call and interrupt their fun. I would just wait until they contacted me. I think you are over reacting about this. Why don't you go out and have fun on your vacation and not worry about him? Let him have fun with his friends while you are away. 1
Author saz123 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 well, if he knows about how you communicate, even if he is open to just let you have a good time, then he should not ignore you. missing a reply back does not seem right, unless he is the one out on vacation. hear his side when he picks you up. and clearly redefine what you expect. i am sure his good intentions may be too laxed. just have him understand how you felt and expect a little more from him in keeping promissing contact. if he did not promise to contact you, then it would have been a different story. I phoned him yesterday, he answered and was very blunt throughout the conversation. He was saying "this is supposed to be my week of peace" "I'm going to have a 40 pound phone bill" "I sent you a message before you went the was saying just have a good time" etc etc. He couldn't wait to hang up the phone either and to be honest I felt like he didn't want to talk to me in the first place. I asked if he missed me and his reply was "kind of yeah" and I asked I he's excited about picking me up from the airport and his reply was "of course". I really don't understand him and I just think it's plain rude. I said to him as a joke "oh when I get back home you'll probably be like see you later" (meaning break up with me) his reply was "you just worry too much". I sent him 1 last message last night saying I'm switching my phone off until I leave to go to the airport to enjoy my holiday, and at the end I wrote "love you loads bye see you soon" and all he put was "love you too bye". I'm fed up and quite frankly have felt like this vacation is ruined because of the way he's made me feel. I've got 3 days left to make him miss me, will not contacting him make him miss me?
Author saz123 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 he sounds upset about something, is he upset he isn't on vacation with you ? I don't think so. He said to me last night "I'm annoyed because I'll probably have a 40 pound phone bill when you're back" and "this is supposed to be my week of peace". I've messaged him way more than I should of done basically and I've seriously pissed him off. Not sure how to make it up to him other than completely back off for the next 3 days. How can I make him miss me.
Author saz123 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 (edited) That's one potential explanation. From my own perspective, since my exW vacationed with her girlfriends fairly regularly, I came to see vacation 'breaks' as downtime, since I'm more of an 'individuals coming together in love' versus 'joined at the hip' type person. My exW was the same so we meshed well in that regard. In the classic sense, 'no news was good news' and, other than any issues which came up and letting the other know they had arrived safely, we did our own thing. Perhaps the OP should ascertain her BF's perspective on such matters. Ask open-ended questions like 'why', and in a non confrontational manner, seeking understanding, *after* she gets back. In the meantime, enjoy your vacation! I think this is what he wanted all along me to have my space away and for him to have his space at home. He's very angry at me though for messaging him. I know he isn't missing me because I've been messaging him when I shouldn't of. I don't know what to do other than back off until I leave for the airport! Also just to add - a few weeks ago he was exactly the same with me. Ignoring my texts etc and I bumped into him and he said to me "leave me alone you're so annoying". So I did, I didn't contact him. I went out with my friends. He also said to me "the only way you're going to see your friends and do things you should be doing is if I don't reward you until you do" basically saying he's going to be mean until I do it. I went out and saw my friends... He messaged me a couple days later saying I'm so glad you've seen your friends let's meet up. He was never like this in the beginning of our relationship, a year later and he's gone crazy controlling. I am his first girlfriend by the way ages 19 and 22. Edited September 8, 2014 by saz123
Author saz123 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 The only part of the messages I've sent to him that he replied to is the "I love you" part. The only thing he's messaged me back is "I love you too" Almost like he feels like he has to say it.
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