PinkCarnations Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 (edited) I was talking to this guy online since July. We both "liked" each other on OkC but he messaged me first. We messaged a few messages a week at first, but then I noticed that I was always asking questions and initiating new topics. Occasionally, he'd end the sentence with a "you?" But for the most part, he was merely answering my questions.. Anyways one time I got fed up and didn't bother replying with a new question or topic.. Just left the conversation with his last reply, which was an answer to a question I asked. A week passed, and I decided to give it another chance.. I messaged him, "hey hope you're doing well" something like that. He replied, and we started talking again, except much more often than before, and the conversations were also fun. Also even when I don't ask a question, I can still count on him to reply. One day I asked him "how come you don't ask me any questions" and he said he's terrible with small talk that's not in-person. (We can't meet up yet because he's out of town for work). Then I started sharing about some volunteer work that I was doing recently; I was pretty enthusiastic about it.. But all he replied was "that's cool" I was really peeved at this point and just stopped messaging. I was hoping he'd show more interest by sending another message but he hasn't and it's been a week. Do you think he's just not interested and I should leave things this way? ... Or should I reply and continue the conversation until we can meet in person? It could be that he doesn't wanna double message & his newness to online dating could be a factor? I think he's a funny and cool guy and I don't wanna over analyze things and let go of something good if it's not even a big deal. At the same time, i could just be wasting my time with someone who's replying out of boredom? Edited September 6, 2014 by PinkCarnations
todreaminblue Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 my ex who was in a relationship we can and could talk for ages on the phone text messages are short and to the point...he isnt much for small talk either and if he has something to say he says it eloquently.....he doesnt talk to people he doesnt know that well......in fact ......i made him talk more....lol....his dad is the same but get them on a topic they love and they talk forever ..... i would have to say one of the most rewarding experience i continue to have is to open up people who dont talk much...i am not saying it is ever easy...and yeah sometimes its like extracting teeth...but what i have found is there a deep rivers running underneath and in the center of people who dont engage in small talk... this i know for sure, is to access the river ...you have to row the boat in small streams first.....small streams of ideas that leads them somewhere they love to be ..and get them talking.....you dont give up when you hit an eddy in conversation you row right through it,into deeper water.....you just have to trust the fact ...you dont know this person enough to knwo when you can stop rowing......so you keep going till you hit it...and you always will..if that person is right for you..so i probably differ from everyone else and what they suggest...i say keep rowing......dont give up.....and i wish you happy steerage.......deb
Poppygoodwill Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I think that if you were talking to him in person, you'd soon tire of it being a one-way conversation. So it's natural that you also tire of it when doing it online. YOu won't know for sure until you meet him face to face, but my gut would say that you're just one of many he's in touch with (which is fine) and that he's interested enough to keep in touch, but not enough to put extra effort in - to develop it. so the test will be: when will you meet up?
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 (edited) gosh, and i am shy, that even has me scratching my head. There is only so much you can do to open the door. Though, not knowing any history about him, and age, i can relate wee things. i assume he has low confedence topping his shyness. That can be difficult for women, in thinking that it is a lack of intrest. i can see peeps thinking i am not interested, because i go with the flow, and wait for them to show they can see me through how i do things in genral. in ways it is slow and lacks physical attachment. i always thought that was the best and easiest approach, but it never got much, until i had to attempt being something i was not and just made me uncomfy. there are two ways of looking at this path, go with what you are comfy with, and not what you expect. sometimes you may find it easier on you knowing the real differences than expecting them. i guess that is my way of showing how i would go about trying to open up a wee bit to allow some comfort between the uncomfortable side of dating. though, i never really got to date because of the lack of feeling comfy from seeing the other missinterpets me in the basic levels. maybe he sees that in you on how you come off at times. again it is something you can only see in reflecting back on replies and such.seems that he has made efforts but assumes another open door, who knows??? Edited September 6, 2014 by sdrawkcaB ssA
Tayken Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 OP....it's no different from girls/women that aren't interested but still reply, and try and turn you into a pen pal. It's their way of not trying to be rude, or to have you on the back burner if things don't work out with Mr/Ms Wonderful they might be currently attached to 2
DazedandConfused8 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I was talking to this guy online since July. We both "liked" each other on OkC but he messaged me first. We messaged a few messages a week at first, but then I noticed that I was always asking questions and initiating new topics. Occasionally, he'd end the sentence with a "you?" But for the most part, he was merely answering my questions.. Anyways one time I got fed up and didn't bother replying with a new question or topic.. Just left the conversation with his last reply, which was an answer to a question I asked. A week passed, and I decided to give it another chance.. I messaged him, "hey hope you're doing well" something like that. He replied, and we started talking again, except much more often than before, and the conversations were also fun. Also even when I don't ask a question, I can still count on him to reply. One day I asked him "how come you don't ask me any questions" and he said he's terrible with small talk that's not in-person. (We can't meet up yet because he's out of town for work). Then I started sharing about some volunteer work that I was doing recently; I was pretty enthusiastic about it.. But all he replied was "that's cool" I was really peeved at this point and just stopped messaging. I was hoping he'd show more interest by sending another message but he hasn't and it's been a week. Do you think he's just not interested and I should leave things this way? ... Or should I reply and continue the conversation until we can meet in person? It could be that he doesn't wanna double message & his newness to online dating could be a factor? I think he's a funny and cool guy and I don't wanna over analyze things and let go of something good if it's not even a big deal. At the same time, i could just be wasting my time with someone who's replying out of boredom? Why aren't you meeting up in person? Online conversations get boring. I get if you're talking for a bit to get to know each other, but eventually one of you - if you're interested - should be inviting the other out to meet each other in person, where you can actually share information and not be bored. 1
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Why aren't you meeting up in person? Online conversations get boring. I get if you're talking for a bit to get to know each other, but eventually one of you - if you're interested - should be inviting the other out to meet each other in person, where you can actually share information and not be bored. I am in a 3+ year LDR and am never bored with my mate. We probably will not ever be in each others arms, but everything we share is beyond physical limitations. I could not imagine a day without her at my side, as she feels the same with me. It all depends on how much trust and understanding one puts into a relationship. Love has so many sides to it, some may never see all of them in their lifetime. For my mate and I, we found every facet of love and what it offers. No other has done that for us, and cannot be replaced. So, having the limitation of not being in each others arms is something we both accept, and rather have than not have what we have at all. Sure we miss not being able touch and kiss, let alone hold each other. But we share everything we feel in ways that can cross the other side of the world and then some. So in essence our limbs are more limited in touching than you think.
Zippy2000 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 It really depends what site you`re on and what your looking for. For example the site Plenty of fish shows some people want nothing but friendship and others intimate encounters. I used to be on POF but that was very fustrating. People you would message would message back. You ask for a date and they skirt aroun the issue or ignore the question together. I used to have the patience and ask but if it was up to 3 times I guess they weren`t that interested. If its just a one way conversation then its time to call it quits. They are just being polite and answering you or there is currently no one online to speak to so dont over analyse it. Its not you, its them!
DazedandConfused8 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I am in a 3+ year LDR and am never bored with my mate. We probably will not ever be in each others arms, but everything we share is beyond physical limitations. I could not imagine a day without her at my side, as she feels the same with me. It all depends on how much trust and understanding one puts into a relationship. Love has so many sides to it, some may never see all of them in their lifetime. For my mate and I, we found every facet of love and what it offers. No other has done that for us, and cannot be replaced. So, having the limitation of not being in each others arms is something we both accept, and rather have than not have what we have at all. Sure we miss not being able touch and kiss, let alone hold each other. But we share everything we feel in ways that can cross the other side of the world and then some. So in essence our limbs are more limited in touching than you think. I disagree. LDRs only work when there is an intent to eventually be together. Maybe they can be made to work if one is away for school for x period of time or another is away for military training for x months (both just examples), but you can't have a permanent LDR forever and expect that to be real love. Love always needs a physical aspect: of being together, cuddling, speaking in person, and so on.
travelbug1996 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 he sounds uninterested but i could be wrong. i wouldn't continue contact with him.
Gloria25 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 And, that's why I push for a "in person" meeting ASAP when it comes to OLD... The whole 'texting/emailing' back and forth is dry and is no way to get know someone...And, it's too easy to "look good on paper". In person you can see if there's chemistry and it isn't as artificial sitting behind a computer...
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I disagree. LDRs only work when there is an intent to eventually be together. Maybe they can be made to work if one is away for school for x period of time or another is away for military training for x months (both just examples), but you can't have a permanent LDR forever and expect that to be real love. Love always needs a physical aspect: of being together, cuddling, speaking in person, and so on. i never said i was a typical man, nor my SM was a typical woman. Our choice whether you accept it or not, is we rather have what we have (LDR) than not have each other at all. If you find that someone that connex to you as if they are part of you in every way, you'll find nothing can separate you from them, and visa-versa. So, like i said, we never feel bored with each other in any way. Sex is a procreation thing; intimate sharing with personal pleasures in verbal along with vissual stimulie is as rewarding as touching in passion. As for sharing things we want to do with each other, the internet is our window to take the other places they never been before. So one can live a fulfilled life, even though your limited by touch. Everything else is shared as if we have each other in the same room. Nothing is held back, as we have had growth pains and old wounds we both worked together on that were difficult, and rewarding. Sorry you are so stuck on what peeps are led to believe. I rather live not by what is the norm, as my norm was never found in normalcy. Peeps have to realize, relationships are not laid plans in life. they are all different, yet everyone wants to place them in the same mold.
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