ResilienSea Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 After 17 years together. It's been a year, I still love him, I know he's been through several women like Kleenex from OKCupid. The last one was six months but he didn't change the status for that one. He reinstated his OKCupid account, was only on there for TWO WEEKS before deactivating again. And the "in a relationship since" date confirms it, since August. He's known her less than a month! He used to make fun of me using Facebook, like it was beneath him. And I thought sure if he was going to change that status (he NEVER reported OUR relationship on there) he would have done it with that six month long fling. I am DEVASTATED. It seems like such a silly thing. And yes I know I'm not supposed to look at his accounts. He's blocked me so I can't look but I have secondary accounts, We have a kid together so it's important to me to know who is in HER life. He won't let me see or talk to my kid which is another matter altogether... But I am CRUSHED. This hurts SO INCREDIBLY BAD like it wasn't bad enough already. I have no family or support system I can talk to about this. I foresee a call to Suicide Prevention Hotline later today. It hurts more than it has all year long. It is unbearable.
Haydn Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Legally you can`t see your child? Please stop using social media to keep tabs on him. Block him for one and work on seeing your child. Over a year he has moved on, he has changed you should try to do the same.
Author ResilienSea Posted September 6, 2014 Author Posted September 6, 2014 We have shared custody, he is violating the court order. They won't do anything about it. I have to beg to see her he refuses, won't let me talk to her on the phone. I'm not allowed to Skype or FaceTime. He was used as a pawn in his parents bitter divorce, with one parent using the child against the other as a leveraging chip. It's all he knows and he's replaying his personal history. All this has been going on for months. This other event I am posting about is fresh. It's just...layers and layers of painful experiences, one upon the other. I don't expect many to understand, I haven't come across any in real life that do. Usually with a child involved, the parents put the kid first and put aside their differences for the sake of the child. That is not what I'm dealing with here. The legal system has completely failed me, I have so much evidence of his neglectful parenting. Just last night, my child spent the night at this woman's house that he's known for a matter of a couple weeks. She doesn't know her or the woman's other children, the child has no say in the matter and is just taken and left unattended while he has his intimate relations down the hall. My child told me she has walked in on him having sex with one of them because he left the door open. He's done this with a series of women now, normally a decent parent would wait six months or so. It's going to screw up her ideas about relationships. It's unstable. It sets a bad example. And not to put too fine a point on it, but it's immoral. She's witness to an endless revolving door policy of a series of strangers. I saw my mother go through this, running personal ads. It was unstable for me and set a horrible example. Which led me to put up with way more crap from this man than I EVER should have, in a desperate attempt to keep our family together. I want to save my kid from being exposed to all this. I've gone through every legal channel I could. I've tried reasoning with the kids dad. None of it has made a bit of difference and I want to protect my kid. Seeing the FB status was shocking. I guess most young people are used to seeing these Facebook status changes and regard it as nothing. He always poo-poo'ed Facebook and made fun of me for using it.
lop98 Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I guess most young people are used to seeing these Facebook status changes and regard it as nothing. No, it's the same... I'm in my 20s and I know even a like on instagram can feel like the beginning of the end and it's not that different for friends following a breakup. I'm afraid I have no experience on children, marriage or divorce but you sound like you're developing obsessing thoughts about him and like you're both projecting it onto the child under the overused excuse of 'what's best' for her. I think what would be ultimately helpful for her is to at least have one sane and reliable parent she can turn to even if she can't see him/her frequently and right now it sounds like neither of you are focusing on be just that because you're too busy looking at the breakup. So try to have some real distance, heal... go NC at least for a month, use your time to get into healthy habits, meditate to stop this pattern of obsessive thinking, leave facebook or any social media that's taking a toll on your nerves and after several weeks, reconsider (hopefully with good legal advice) how you will proceed to reach an agreement regarding custody. Right now you are very hurt and if you think a good, rational decision will come out of pain, it's unlikely and you're risking a lot. Good luck and don't feel bad about trying to be 100% selfish for some 6 weeks at least, it's all about getting your mental and physical health back and your child will ultimately be thankful.
Haydn Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Joint custody? I don`t understand??????? The system in most countries does favour the mother. How could he stop you??? Facebook and social media really should the last thing on your mind. Your daughter should be first. 2
edgygirl Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I got worried about you. You know what I learned from all my failures? And there have been quite a lot in the past years? That NO ONE is worth our suffering like this. I know what you're feeling and how much it's hurting like now. BUT. Keep in mind. You WILL get over him. And the whole thing. And things will fall into place with you kid. I swear to you, in a few years you won't even understand why he was able to get you so down. That's how it always is in the end. I don't give a rats ass about any ex I suffered deeply for before. the only one that stings a little is the last one. That's how life is. We're resilient. We are able to get over things. Don't let this drag you so down as there is a light in the end of the tunnel. We are here for you. Don't let dark thoughts consume you. Come here. Most people are kind and caring here. Be well. (((hugs))) 1
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