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Posted (edited)

Hi everyone :)

 

I am feeling hurt or maybe just lost and confused because I am not sure if I have done the right thing, however I think the reason I feel this way is because my boyfriend/ex always responds in a way where he blames me and points the finger at me.

 

but here goes the story....

I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because he lied to me of his whereabouts.... our relationship has been on and off and I know that itself is not good, and I have broken up with him because of getting frustrated with the way he communicated back to me when I confront him about some thngs.

 

Very defensive and always tells me I am the issue etc etc...

but also because he lied about small things before, but I feel no matter how small or big a lie is, if a partner feels hurt by it,, its not acceptable.

If two people trust each other or respect each other there should not be any lying necessary, whatever it is.... if its my fault that he had to lie or not... I feel a partner needs to communicate that to another no mater what.. because that's the only way to resolve it really, no point lying and hiding even if your reason is good one, because there is underlaying factors that are not resolved and it builds up over time.

 

so anyway... this time... he lied where he was....

we kind of had a fight on Sunday... he wasn't nice.. he went to a party

(I couldnt go because I was sick w flu) and got back tipsy which is fine.. But he drove tipsy, I was so angry with him... how can I respect someone that doesn't even respect themselfs... etc...

anyway I confronted him about that and he was defensive.... I said I care and that's why I am saying it.... he said sorry but I just know he just said it to avoid talking bout it... anyway I gave up on fighting bout it so he went home in that state cause he said I was abusing him.

 

The next days he called me etc and I was still a bit stand offish bout what happenedon the wknd with him being tipsy... so I just kind of kept being more quite and not really exited or overly happy when I spoke to him...anyway

so on Tuesday.. I finished work at 8pm and he normally calls,, he didn't so I called him later on.. I said.. oh you didn't call me tnt.. he is like oh you were not so happy today etc... and didn't call me at lunch ( I felt like .. really is that how it goes.... is this some game.. I felt so crap- thinking you act like an idiot on the wknd and you want me to bounce back into your furry little fluff ball cause you want that- but I didn't say that to him)

so I asked where he was ... he said he was w a friend having dinner in one place near his home, during this conversation.. I could hear a woman's voice happily kind of yeling as such... and he saz to me... oh Brads wife saz Hi... ( I dont even know her or Brad, I know of Brad tho) anyway I was like ok... I better let you go back to dinner, he was like yea I call you wen I get home.... shouldn't be long... I was ok cool. So I let it be for a while..... felling something doesn't sound right to me here... no call for another hour.....

 

So I call him... and he is now in a car driving back home, puts me on speaker to say Hi to Brad..I say Hi to Brad.... yet no brads wife voice.... So I am like ok cool call me when you get home. So then he calls me...

and I kind of can tell he is typsy etc... so I ask so how was the ight etc.. he is like good etc.. so I ask him.. so it was just you and Brad at dinner.. he is like yes.. ( and me -oh ok ) so I say oh but you told me Brads wife was there... and he is all acting dumb.. what? what? so I keep repeating .. he is like what girl etc.. so tell him exactly as he told me her saying hi etc....

so then I say... what is going on ? I would like to know..he is still what what ? .. so then he says.. I will tell you the truth.... he wasn't at that place near his home , he was at another restaurant which is close to my home.... (meanwhile guys I am sick cause of flu not feeling well etc he knew that) and he says that girl was Ryan's wife (owner of the restaurants wife that I only met once) now I am talking to him very calmly whilst he is getting annoyed that I am asking him all this etc.. he proceeds to tell me .. why am I causing an issue ... I say to him.. why did you lie to me about this? there is no reason to lie... why did you have to lie to me? he saz .. because if he had told me he was going to dinner etc I would make an issue just like I am now.. he saz dont think you cought me out I told you the truth... (and I am thinking what? how can you speak like that etc... wat you mean I cought you out.. so I realize there is a bigger problem here and I feel like I am the enemy... he proceeds to say .. the girl was nice to me for saying hi... not like me etc... I felt so hurt.. I said oh so now everyone else is nice except me) he just wasnt nice about it...

 

( but I wasn't making an issue I was communicating to him asking him what is going on calmly + I never check up on him, I never go to his place or call him lots on the phone daily.. I really don't, I am not that kind of girl, he is more like that.. he would call me so much when I am out with a gf or so.. ) anyway .. when I told him why he lied to me.. he went crazy.. like he did nothing wrong like I am causing an issue and that's why... like I just want to fight and cause problems etc so I just said.. its ok... its best we go to bed now and left it like that... because he was typsy and there was no point to continue at the time.

So in the morning I get a msg from him saying he feels bad and is sorry about bull****ting me last night.

 

I didn't reply , he then called me later and told me he feels bad... I kind of played it cool but told him.. its ok everyone lies (I was being sarcastic) and said thank you for calling ... bye.

And that was it for me... I knew inside I couldn't pretend its ok...

I was quite and withdraw for a day.. he then called me and demanded I speak to him.. angry on the phone.. saying he said sorry etc..

 

Again I was calm and told him exactly how I feel... hurt that he lied and told him trust is the most important thing in a relationship and now I cant trust him no more after this time...he went nuts and I realized he is not even interested in resolving it or seeing what trust means...

 

so then I told him there is no point on going on like this. I am 34 and I want an honest man and want to build a family with a man like that.. all he was concentrating is if I was breaking up on not... its just crap... I felt like this man never wants to hear the truth or think bout anything, its just so important that he has me and I pretend all is ok... I just felt like that .. and I felt I cant do this no more. I gave him so many chances... he lied to me about small thigns before, he acted like an ******* before.... I dont know if he cheated on me... I never check on him etc... who knows.. but how am I meant to know or trust when he does thigns like that and then acts all nasty when confronted...did he lie before about where he was.. who knows?

He is very nice otherwise.. he treats melike lady... flowers, takes me out to dinners etc... when we are tghtr... makes thigns for me.. food coffees... but I do the same.. so thats fine.. but I dont lie, I never lied.. and even if have broken up but if I had something organised before break up...I would still let him know and I would still give in to him and invite him. But he doesnt do that... after break up he acts all cool.. tells me never to talk to him very nasty points the finger at me... its always my fault... and then goes off and goes out posts his check in public( like why seriously) and then after a week or 2 when he seez I am not doing anything bout it... .. he begs me... I don't get it.

I always tell him if that's how he feels about me then why is he with me.. but he loves me and he is apparently only angry at the time and doesn't mean it...but thats not cool.

 

So that's why I broke up... I am not asking for you to be on my side or his... I want you to tell me your honest opinion and if you need to ask me things about it its fine I will tell you honestly.. because I feel confused weather I did the right thing, cause he always resorts to the fact that I break up with him all the time (but yes that's cause I cant deal with him and I belive him when he gets back to me ) or am I over reacting... and am I being a bitch like he thinks I am... always the issue. etc...

let me know I would appreciate it... I want to grow as a person and be a better person so I appreciate your response.

 

 

thanks for taking your time. :)

sorry for the long story but i had to explain it.

Edited by lierlier
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Posted

I'm sorry but I didn't fully read your post because it was a bit confusing but I will say this; If you don't trust him now, you never will and that is no way to have a relationship.

 

Sometimes we have to break up with people we still love and care about, it doesn't mean we are meant to be. You ended it for a reason and for your sanity, stick to that choice. You're 34. You're at a point in your life when you should no longer want to stick around for high school drama and you will never have a family with this person.

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