lovingone Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Are there any women here (other than me) that has reached their 40th birthday or beyond without ever being married or having kids and wants to share their views on the subjects? 1
todreaminblue Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 never got married ......have five kids.......i never intended it to be this way.....but i know everything happens for a reason....i have a family.....i have love in my home......i have good times i have bad times....i have had some wonderful experiences...and some less than to be desired....but i wouldnt be where i am without both happening......all in all, i just live my life, I accept whatever happens happens....and i pray and i thank god i have a chance to live it......deb 3
d0nnivain Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 I was 39 when I met my husband & 41 when we got married. Many of my friends are approaching 50 & haven't been married although one has kids from when she was 19 & another is getting married in the Spring. We all have dated & have had long term relationships including living with people for more than 10 years. In our 20s we were mostly too busy having fun. In our 30s we all built our careers. Over the years we made pacts about being there for each other when we are old. Putting that support system in place took a load off everybody's mind. For me it had to be the right person. I'm a fairly dominant personality & I always said I wanted a man strong enough to let me be weak. DH is that guy but it took a while to find him. I also wasn't ready to share. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I waited too long to have kids & now I can't but I do accept that was my choice 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Over the years we made pacts about being there for each other when we are old. Putting that support system in place took a load off everybody's mind. I so get that. If you have the right friends, then it doesn't matter which men come and go. You always have one another, and that's something that will continue until the end of your life rather than relationships which tend to be more transient. 1
CarrieT Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 OP, while I had a brief marriage in my early 20s (to a man who cheated on me with other men), I never wanted children. I went from my mid-20s to my mid-40s in a handful of long-term relationships, most of which never went anywhere because I was dating guys who had no life-long potential: From age 25 to 27 with a guy who was a cross-dresser and fixed cars in his garage. From age 28 to 40 with a guy who didn't have a GED or a Driver's License and whose best job was as a night-stock clerk for Target. Then, in my 40s a really toxic relationship with an alcoholic, the ending of which brought me to LS. But the rest of the story and how I found love - and marriage! - in my late 40s is encapsulated here.
Author lovingone Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 OP, while I had a brief marriage in my early 20s (to a man who cheated on me with other men), I never wanted children. I went from my mid-20s to my mid-40s in a handful of long-term relationships, most of which never went anywhere because I was dating guys who had no life-long potential: From age 25 to 27 with a guy who was a cross-dresser and fixed cars in his garage. From age 28 to 40 with a guy who didn't have a GED or a Driver's License and whose best job was as a night-stock clerk for Target. Then, in my 40s a really toxic relationship with an alcoholic, the ending of which brought me to LS. But the rest of the story and how I found love - and marriage! - in my late 40s is encapsulated here. You should be writing books for the rest of us and share that wisdom that comes from being in so many of the wrong type of relationships.
Author lovingone Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 never got married ......have five kids.......i never intended it to be this way.....but i know everything happens for a reason....i have a family.....i have love in my home......i have good times i have bad times....i have had some wonderful experiences...and some less than to be desired....but i wouldnt be where i am without both happening......all in all, i just live my life, I accept whatever happens happens....and i pray and i thank god i have a chance to live it......deb That's great that you have a family. Relationships can come and go, but your children are irreplaceable. My mother had me at 39 and I have some other female relatives that had kids in their 40's so I guess I don't feel the biological clock worries. I am also a big fan of adoption.
Author lovingone Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 I was 39 when I met my husband & 41 when we got married. Many of my friends are approaching 50 & haven't been married although one has kids from when she was 19 & another is getting married in the Spring. We all have dated & have had long term relationships including living with people for more than 10 years. In our 20s we were mostly too busy having fun. In our 30s we all built our careers. Over the years we made pacts about being there for each other when we are old. Putting that support system in place took a load off everybody's mind. For me it had to be the right person. I'm a fairly dominant personality & I always said I wanted a man strong enough to let me be weak. DH is that guy but it took a while to find him. I also wasn't ready to share. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I waited too long to have kids & now I can't but I do accept that was my choice I hope you share your story of how you found love at the right time with other women on here. Just like you, a couple of my friends aren't married either (one is pretty indifferent to it actually because she comes from a culture that believes in arranged marriage) so I know that makes it easier than being surrounded by married friends and being the oddball.
Author lovingone Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 I so get that. If you have the right friends, then it doesn't matter which men come and go. You always have one another, and that's something that will continue until the end of your life rather than relationships which tend to be more transient. You make a good point. Sure I was a little disappointed to reach 40 and not be married. But then I realized I was the same person I was the day before my birthday. Then a sense of relief came over me because I really didn't have anything to fear anymore. Actually, recently I have heard some stories about women "racing" to make it to the alter before they turn 40 and it just seems to attract the very worse possible husbands. Like men can sense an opportunity in that neediness. And I think one of my cousins is in that type of situation. So if I play my cards right and just relax, I can maybe avoid that.
acrosstheuniverse Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 (edited) You make a good point. Sure I was a little disappointed to reach 40 and not be married. But then I realized I was the same person I was the day before my birthday. Then a sense of relief came over me because I really didn't have anything to fear anymore. Actually, recently I have heard some stories about women "racing" to make it to the alter before they turn 40 and it just seems to attract the very worse possible husbands. Like men can sense an opportunity in that neediness. And I think one of my cousins is in that type of situation. So if I play my cards right and just relax, I can maybe avoid that. Either they attract very unsuitable men, who they'd never have chosen if they had taken their time and been more choosy, or they scare off the decent guys who rightly don't want to get married to somebody who is desperately trying to get married for the sake of it, rather than because they love him as a person. Also if I've learnt anything in live so far (and I'm only 26) it's that most relationships don't last. I've seen both parents go through two and three marriages respectively, had relationships with men I've loved dearly end out of the blue (extremely painful) and seen friends have long relationships that end for seemingly no apparent reason. As long as I have my friendships I am cool with whatever happens in my romantic life because I know now that partners often disappear and hurt you, but friendships last forever. I guess it depends on where you get your fulfilment from, too. Some people it's from building a solid marriage and starting a family, for me that isn't a source of fulfilment because half of it is out of my control so I try not to put too much stock in it. Personally I get the most satisfaction from career stuff and helping others, which is handy because I know that I can make a success of that, whatever anybody else tries to do. Edited September 7, 2014 by acrosstheuniverse
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