"911,i may be still in love with my ex,while im in a perfect relationship-now"

[ethiopia]

thankx 2 whom ever reads this.ok i was in a relationship for three yrs.it had major ups and drastic downs.but i was in love.many of my friends was like he's no good. but i wanted to experience for myself.i see it like this, he may have been that way to u 4 a reason.but whatever, we broke up bcuz he thoughht that i could do better with someone else.He says he doesn't desearve someone like me.but we stayed bestfriends.till this day we are tighter than ever.So,one of my friends hooked me up with her cousin bcuz he had a major crush on me.I gave it a try.Its been about 2 months and he loves me.He's the best thing that ever happened to me.Basically he treats me like a woman should be treated.But i can't love him bcuz im in love with my ex.Please help me!!!!!!!!!

[upsetnhurt]

Ethiopia,

 

Unfortunately I think you know the answers here. It appears that you still have lots of old emotional baggage to deal with and until you do you will never be able to open yourself up completely to this new individual. It is a shame because he very well could be everything that you want in a man yet you will be blinded most times since you will compare his every move to your past. Don't string him along and let his feelings go so far that if you break up he will be heartbroken. Step back, explain your present condition to him and let him know you need to take some time to yourself to find yourself. If it is meant to be with him it can wait until that point. DONT BE SELFISH HERE!

[ethiopia]

Thankx i talked to my boyfriend today, and he said he loves me and would wait 4 me.But not 2 long.But that relationship was 3 yrs and i dont know if it would go away

[kathy222]

I feel for you, I am in the same position you are in...I was with my ex BF for 7 years...we broke up 4months ago and I met a wonderful guy who treats better than I have ever been treated b4, the only thing is I can't let go of my ex either....I told my current BF that I need time too, but who knows how much time I really need to get over my ex....Life is so complicated, I wish you luck!!!!!!!!!!

[upsetnhurt]

Kathy and Ethiopia,

 

I am on the other side where my now ex had unresolved issues/feelings for a previous guy she was involved with for four years. Even after this guy resorted to stalking and physical violence of me she could not apparently walk away from either guilt or true love I guess. I fell in love with her and put myself through all of her ex's shenanigans......then one day after a year she comes out and says that I deserve better and that she can't seem to catch up to my heart. Ironic as she says that I have treated her better than anyone in her life before and that in her mind I am her ideal partner. So I am now heartbroken and have had no contact with her for two months now. As sweet as she was I tend to think that she did more harm to me than anyone else has in my life. She should have been more upfront early in the process and knowing that my heart was getting stronger and stronger for her she should have immediately pulled away if she was unwilling to give 150%. That is what I suggest you both decide for yourselves but know that any contact with your present guys is only going to make them feel for you more and that is not fair until you know that you are ready for a commitment to them.

[westernxer]

You're still in love with your exes yet you string others along because you're insecure. Show some decency, for crying out loud, and grow up, before you hurt the people who really care about you. God, you people make me sick.

 

A curse on both your houses.

[ethiopia]

Thanks Kathy and the other side one.I really needed help,and i really thank you.All I want in my life is to love someone and that same one love me back.That is what ive always dreamed of.But when it doesn't happen that way it hurts.So like a normal person moveing on is the next best idea.For that person who says show some decensy, excuse me u cant control who u fall in love with and who falls in love with u.My and Kathys trys to have a happy life. But when u fall in love it stays.Love is not a toy to play around with.And 4 your information,I told my bf from the jump what was going on.So he wont be hurt, and that its trustin whatever we try to create.So dont try to make me feel bad when all im asking is to try and ask 4 help to make thing better! Kathy

[blind_otter]

You can get addicted to the high highs and the low lows from a relationship where there are a lot of ups and downs. Sure, you feel like total crapola when he treats you like sh*t or you fight constantly, but when you make up, oh it feels great. Then you get in a normal relationship where the guy treats you with respect and courtesy and is a gentlement who doesn't pick fights or act like a selfish prick and suddenly you are like, hey wait, where are my highs? You don't get the lows, so you are grateful for that, but you also can't get that great makeup sex and all the BS that goes along with unhealthy relationships.

 

So, maybe you DO need time by yourself. To sort out how you felt about the ex, and all that. I mean, cut off contact with the ex - if you are going to get over him you need time to go by without talking to him. If not, then please break up with the good guy and free him up for those of us who are ready to settle down to the calm normal state of a normal, even-keel relationship. ha ha just kidding, but I am half way serious.

 

If you still have feeling for said ex, then your new guy doesn't deserve to be the back-burner guy. That's kind of mean. Actually it's really mean, and selfish on your part, to keep stringing him along while you actually still want to be with your ex.

 

3 years isn't that long, babe. I was married to my exhusband for that long, and hey, i STILL think he's not worth getting back together with.

[ethiopia]

BLIND_OTTER

I understand what ur saying believe me i do.I have been trying a hell of alot to start my life over.With my bf now hes everything i want.But when i go some where or do something it brings back flash backs from the past that was awesome!I dont see my ex that often but were bestfriends.We broke up but didn't.U understand.He believes i desearve better.Ive found better.But that love still,lingers.And its hurtful.My bf now wants to wait till i connect again.but the question is how?

[Kathy222]

Ethiopia,

No one can know how you truly feel, I think I really have a good understanding since I am in the same boat as you....It's not that we want to hurt our new BF's but since we both had a LT relationship and didn't end on bad terms at least for me, it is har to completely erase all the memories of the past and act like the ex never existed...That is why for myself I need to be by myself for a while to heal and truely be able to give a 100% to whoever the next relationship maybe, Unfortunatley it just might be bad timing for our current guys in our lives...Who knows and only time will tell........... GOOD luck and don't listen to any negativity , I think you are 100% for your feelings!!!!!!!

 

good luck

[amourseeker]

I once read somewhere and who knows if it's true or not...but it seems to fit my life perfectly!! figure the amount of years you were with your BF and divide it by 2...that is how many years it will take to get completely over him!

 

I dated and lived with a guy for 5 years and I moved out 2 years ago....so the way i figure it is I have 5 more months to go!!!

[ethiopia]

Theres no words to how i feel right now.i am very grateful 4 ur help.Because im really stuggling with this problem.Now another thing has popped up that i cant even bare now.My bf now ex fiance dumped him about 2 yrs ago.He was on total shut down.Than he meet me.He said "I REVIVED" him.I made him love again.And he hopes he doesn't get huirt again.Now im confused at what to do.This is when i really need help!

[luv4nothin]

Well I hate to tell you, but you are probalbly going to hurt your current BF already, because you are already involved...I think you need to be upfront and e by yourself and you have to TAKE care of yourself....if you worry about everyone else, you will be the the one that is misreable...You just need to come clean to your current BF and if he loves you he will understand.........but don't string him on anymore, you have to give it your all in this current relationship or its not going to work....

[ethiopia]

luv4nothin

i really needed that.i am worrying about others b4 me.I just dont want to see some one hurt.I told him to give me some time,he said"ok"than tried to cover up his tears.i DESEARVE HIM.but i cant erase my ex.that was a relationship 4 three yrs and my ex was my first love and lover.Its like a part of me was taken.But i wanted to move on and the one im with is perfect.My dream coming to life.Thats why im so lost and confused looking 4 a way out!!!!!!!!

[sarah12]

ethiopia, i have been in the same position as your current bf. I think you should let him go if you cannot make him your first priority at this time. Don't let him slip away but tell him you need some time to just cool things for a while so you can have some time to yourself, and really devote the time to your self, and not your ex. You need to be completely stable on your own before you can move onto someone new. No one wants to spend time with someone who doesn't want them 100%.

[upsetnhurt]

Sarah,

 

Wouldn't giving the current bf any hope be increasing the potential of the recovery period for them? Obviously the current bf will realize that they will be playing second fiddle if in fact ethiopa comes back. Noone should have to do that. It simply isnt the right timing for both of them and they both need to move in their own directions. I was like you, the current person, and my now ex completely cut the cord (no contact)...............it hurts me more now yet makes my recovery quicker as I have no hope of reconciliation. Doesn't me it does hurt because I am devastated and still in disbelief.