jb82 Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Life is so confusing. People say to take chances, follow your heart, trust your instincts & live your life. People also say to save your money, be safe, go for the dependable career / car / life / man, and by all means, be responsible. Responsible is what? How long is life? I have a bad habit. I fall in love with the essence of a person. There is a type that I have and that presents in a mix of chemistry and attraction but also, I guess you would call it brooding. Darkness. I fall for these guys that are beautifully and irresistibly flawed. The track record is really bad but how this goes is something like limerence. I start with a glance. I see him and then I think about him. I might observe for a while, viewing his interactions when we pass, viewing his walk or whatever. There is a type,a type that I can relate to. He is probably attractive but alone, quiet, and he looks like he's thinking. a lot. He always walks slowly, or lounges. He is different, he is like a step outside of the pattern, like you can trace people's steps with some sort of predictability but he doesn't follow that. And he will look at me because I don't either. So for the entirety of my existence I find these guys somehow and then somehow we get together. It is always by chance and it is always very, very bad in the end. There is something about poetic soul and me that seems to bring insanity. So I have been avoiding limerences now for about 6 years. I have been dating people who I have no strong attraction toward. It works out as in, no one is insane, but it does not work out as I am 6 years old and feel 90 years older. I feel honestly like there is no point to life. I am doing "the thing," the grocery shopping, the netflix watching, the having a career, the holiday dinners, church, etc. and yes I am successful. And miserable. I am guessing it's probably like those people that climb Mt Everest and are willing to die rather than just avoid climbing Mt Everest. Is that some illness? When you know there is an unusual high rate of disaster but you need to do it anyway? New limerence in life. Tempted to give it a shot. Although I won't ever do anything about it, I'm hoping it will just happen as it has in the past. Who is to say what is healthy or right for someone else? Part of me wants to join a convent. Does any one else have really pronounced types and what do you do to avoid them when they appear? The ones that you know are bad for you, but can't stay away from? Or could this be the exception?
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