Axee Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 So, I am in a very complicated relationship.. My boyfriend says he wants a break, and give time to ourselves... He has also said we are free to date other ppl in the meantime.. I did date one guy for 1 date but it didnt go well.. Background:My boyfriend is very apprehensive of gals and when he had come over to visit me from another city, I had snapped at him and was generally in a very crappy mood. He got shocked looking at this other side of me and then the next week said he needs a break as he isnt sure "2 strong personalities can be together in the long run " I now periodically call him and keep asking to stop this break and everytime he insists we should be on a break..I really love him and want this relationship to work but I often get doubts whether he loves me or he doesnt.. I almost begged him to take me back.. but he says we should remain friends and leave the rest to destiny..If something is to happen it will happen.. I want to go on a no-contact as I am feeling a bit bad that I am having to convince him this much..But since the proverbial door is open I am not able to start no-contact.. How do I start now?
h20-50 Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 So, I am in a very complicated relationship.. My boyfriend says he wants a break, and give time to ourselves... He has also said we are free to date other ppl in the meantime.. I did date one guy for 1 date but it didnt go well.. Background:My boyfriend is very apprehensive of gals and when he had come over to visit me from another city, I had snapped at him and was generally in a very crappy mood. He got shocked looking at this other side of me and then the next week said he needs a break as he isnt sure "2 strong personalities can be together in the long run " I now periodically call him and keep asking to stop this break and everytime he insists we should be on a break..I really love him and want this relationship to work but I often get doubts whether he loves me or he doesnt.. I almost begged him to take me back.. but he says we should remain friends and leave the rest to destiny..If something is to happen it will happen.. I want to go on a no-contact as I am feeling a bit bad that I am having to convince him this much..But since the proverbial door is open I am not able to start no-contact.. How do I start now? I had gone through the same thing with a ex if mine. I needed time and space to figure things out. My heart was fully with her but my head somehow got on a different page than my heart. I told her I loved her wanted to be with her but my head wasn't there. I asked for her understanding, support, and strength so I could work through this and we could be together as I knew it would pass. Well she took it the wrong way. In her head I didn't want her or want to be with her. Instead of giving me what I needed and to be understanding she kept pushing it. She was fighting for us but pushing it on me constantly. That ended up pushing me away the more she fought it. It dug me deeper into the state of mind I was in. Needless to say she is now still an ex. I truly believe had she been understanding and we would be together and married. Point is if he WANTS time and space let him have it. Hope for the best but prepare yourself for the worst. I know how much I hurt her but I was honest about it and up front about what I was going through. If you try to fight it and make him "see" it will back fire on you and only push him away. Go NC and he will realize on his own. I know I would have myself but she got so pushy she became mad and abusive trying to control the situation. Give him what he wants otherwise you will only push him away further!
Ronni_W Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Axee, This may (likely will) be difficult to hear but from what you posted: there is no relationship, he is not your boyfriend and there is no door (or even window) open. What can be taken as a silver lining to all of that is that you are 100% free and clear to initiate strict no-contact immediately. Do what you must do for yourself, to start getting over and moving forward. What he told you about it just being a 'break' and letting 'destiny' take over was/is just his cowardly way of making it easier on himself. Don't get taken in by that. It does suck. Hugs. 1
mightycpa Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 How do you start? It is very easy. You're right, you do need to shut the door, as it is now open. You call him up, and say something like this: "What our break has showed me is that I do need time to myself. Please don't contact me anymore, no matter what the reason. I will contact you when I am ready, but not before then." If he says something about being friends, all you really have to say is something like this: "I don't want to be your friend right now. I'll call you when I'm ready to be your friend."
Chi townD Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Taking a break= breaking up. Don't kid yourself. He was too much of a coward to actually pull the trigger. You just start no contact. Period. Don't text him, don't call him or email him. If he texts, ignore it. If he calls, let it go to voicemail. If he emails you, delete it. Go on you facebook and block him. Unfollow him on social media. That's where you start. 3
BC1980 Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 There's nothing complicated here. It sounds like a breakup to me. Technically, he hasn't broken up with you, but I think he wants you to do that. I wouldn't even address if it's a breakup or not. Don't even give him that satisfaction. I would go immediate NC, & drop off the face of the earth. Let him wonder what happened, since he obviously has no problem leaving you to wonder.
Zahara Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 It isn't complicated. It's much the norm when you browse through the threads on LS about "breaks". It's a precursor to a break-up. It's a cowardly tactic. I don't want her, but I can't let her go because it's nice to have that crutch, but how do I end it, maybe I can just take my time with the break, or I can just wait till I meet someone else, etc. Don't sit on the backburner. In the very rare chance, breaks help when two people are truly using it to evaluate the relationship in hopes of trying to overcome issues -- with agreed/respectful boundaries. Sometimes space and time does help to gain clarity and perspective. But when your boyfriend is calling a break, and has no problem with you dating other men, because that calls for the possibility of him losing you, then it doesn't seem that he is wanting to be invested anymore. If a guy told me I can date others, I would be implementing NC and if he has no issues with me being in the company of other men, he doesn't get the courtesy of knowing why and when I go no contact. 3
Litlikeamonument Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 As much as it hurts all you can do is give him what he asks for. Ideally you want him to realize that he needs you and misses you.. He can't come to that realization if you are going against what he asks for. There is always that chance that he will end up deciding that he wants the break to be permanent. As ****ty as that will be, it will all make sense when you someday find the right person who does appreciate you. I hope you guys can get through this <
Author Axee Posted September 11, 2014 Author Posted September 11, 2014 Thanks for the advice guys. SO here is what I did, this is actually the second time he has asked for a break , everytime I was rationalising his behaviour. Because he was there for me always.. So as I was working out in the gym the other day, I just thought back, and felt that if I had a friend in my place , I would have never asked her to accept this kind of treatment . WHy should it be me to always be accepting of when he wants a break , he should have thought a 100 times before asking for a break because in many cases it does become a break up.. Is he that great a catch ,or am I that bad that I need to follow and go by his rules and his time frames, why didnt he think about me , about my feelings .. So suddenly, I wrote a loong email and called him before hitting the send button . He texts "I am with clients, I can talk only next week about us " I reply "There is nothing to talk, I am ending it with you, sending an email across, thought will talk before that , anyways sending it now, will be blocking u in watsapp and eventually in fb Good Bye " Reply - "I will always wish only the very best for you" I say -"What you did is unacceptable, I dont need your apologies nor your wishes,Bye " Reply -"Ok" So this was like 3 days back, and now I feel so light and fresh, It will definetly pain me to see him with someone else. But right now I am feeling really good about myself and feel my decision was right . Whoever is reading this, take your power back, it feels great 2
doeblin Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 So this was like 3 days back, and now I feel so light and fresh, It will definetly pain me to see him with someone else. But right now I am feeling really good about myself and feel my decision was right . Whoever is reading this, take your power back, it feels great There you go! You are already moving on. Great! Stick to No Contact. I'm sure you'll meet a worthy person soon. 1
Author Axee Posted September 20, 2014 Author Posted September 20, 2014 Dear Friends, Background story :My ex boyfriend asked for a break to figure things out , and this was the second time he did so, I broke up with him permanently . I feel very hurt that this happened to me....I am basically a very sincere and an emotional girl who takes time to get attached ... I did get very attached to him and I am feeling very hurt and sorry for myself that this happened to me ,in spite of being committed and sincere . Why does God punish good people for being good... I am sorry for this but I feel the raw pain in my heart. Some people just end up being lucky and some like me have to just struggle and struggle with no respite in sight. I have given up on love and feel no one can love me for myself.. or have strong feelings for me..
h20-50 Posted September 20, 2014 Posted September 20, 2014 Dear Friends, Background story :My ex boyfriend asked for a break to figure things out , and this was the second time he did so, I broke up with him permanently . I feel very hurt that this happened to me....I am basically a very sincere and an emotional girl who takes time to get attached ... I did get very attached to him and I am feeling very hurt and sorry for myself that this happened to me ,in spite of being committed and sincere . Why does God punish good people for being good... I am sorry for this but I feel the raw pain in my heart. Some people just end up being lucky and some like me have to just struggle and struggle with no respite in sight. I have given up on love and feel no one can love me for myself.. or have strong feelings for me.. Don't fret. I love with all my heart, don't cheat, fight for love, never quit, and love with all I have. Somehow I always get the women that don't want to fight for it or bother to work things out. I view it as a learning experience. It sucks but I try to choose better woman next time knowing what I know after the relationship ended.
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