slouch Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Looking for some advice here. I've been chatting to a girl on Tinder for the best part of the week, and she's already agreed to a date. She's initiated conversation more than I have, and we have a couple of in-jokes on the go that she's referred to without prompting, so I think this could be promising. After having used online dating for months and messaged a ridiculous number of girls, I have a good feeling about this one. The only problem is she isn't free till next weekend- this leaves me a bit of a dilemma. I want to keep chatting to her, but I'm also conscious of other times when a long pre-date conversation has totally stalled the momentum. So, should I keep the conversation going, or should I play hard to get? She hasn't messaged me already today, and I was thinking of leaving it till Sunday or Monday before initiating conversation. I don't want things to get into a set pattern and become predictable. Good thinking or not? 2
deathandtaxes Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Have you set up a date? If not, that's what you need to do. Don't worry about any other communication in the meantime. Then once the date is set, you can say something like 'see you tonight' or somesuch as a reminder. Don't be text needy with a lady you haven't even met yet. This is excellent practice.
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Looking for some advice here. I've been chatting to a girl on Tinder for the best part of the week, and she's already agreed to a date. She's initiated conversation more than I have, and we have a couple of in-jokes on the go that she's referred to without prompting, so I think this could be promising. After having used online dating for months and messaged a ridiculous number of girls, I have a good feeling about this one. The only problem is she isn't free till next weekend- this leaves me a bit of a dilemma. I want to keep chatting to her, but I'm also conscious of other times when a long pre-date conversation has totally stalled the momentum. So, should I keep the conversation going, or should I play hard to get? She hasn't messaged me already today, and I was thinking of leaving it till Sunday or Monday before initiating conversation. I don't want things to get into a set pattern and become predictable. Good thinking or not? IMO, just go with the flow. If it is going to be something it will happen. Being openly honest is best, if peeps can't handle it then its their problem. Too many put too much into dating and getting to know each other. That is why I preferred not to date. Many see things that don't exist because they want to, not because it is sitting right in their face. Predictable, you are already... I can see what is happening before it is going to happen. Spontaneous is where it is at. Now what is wrong with a set pattern, I have one with my LDR and it works fine. We meet once a week for video chat, and catch each other after dinner for IM. In between it is random with various ways of contact. If you keep it up with how your planning, it will fail. I hope she can see you coming a mile away, and save herself from wasting her time. A relationship is not set in any way, your actions show you are passively controlling the relationship, and making it a game for you to win, and your cheating as well. Hope I got the point to you to change your mind set.
Mrin Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 This is a good questions and an astute observation. You run a fine line between talking past the close and giving her the impression that you're losing interest. Heck I remember reading a thread here at LS just last night from a woman who was in the same position - date set, then the guy started to go dark before the first date and by the end of the post she was ready to just not even go on the date. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/492594-what-do-you-guys-think Women like to be pursued and they like to know they're still high on the fella's priority list. But you can also do too much chatting before that first date and then it builds a lot of pressure and can kinda steal the magic. Here's an idea: tell her you're going to be really busy (maybe a work thing) and won't be as available to text/chat as much for a few days. But here's the secret - during those few days when you're "really busy", be sure to send her a text or an email each day. And make it meaningful - not just a hey how are you. Maybe refer to one of your inside jokes. Or send her an article about something you two talked about. Be sure to also send something like "hey, I just wanted to let you know that I am really looking forward to meeting you on [insert day]". By doing this you are not letting the conversation sag by continuing to have these pre-date chats. But you're also making sure she knows that you're thinking of her and she's still a priority for you. Conversely, you can just screw conventional wisdom and chat yourselves silly until your date. Nothing wrong with that - that's what I did with my current girlfriend.
Author slouch Posted September 5, 2014 Author Posted September 5, 2014 Have you set up a date? If not, that's what you need to do. Don't worry about any other communication in the meantime. Then once the date is set, you can say something like 'see you tonight' or somesuch as a reminder. Don't be text needy with a lady you haven't even met yet. This is excellent practice. Sort of- we agreed to meet next weekend. But that's still a way off, so I didn't want to just cut all communication with her. In my experience that actually has the effect of putting a girl off. But yeah, I don't want to get 'text needy' as you say.
Author slouch Posted September 5, 2014 Author Posted September 5, 2014 Conversely, you can just screw conventional wisdom and chat yourselves silly until your date. Nothing wrong with that - that's what I did with my current girlfriend. That's honestly what I would prefer, but my most recent experiences with dating haven't really worked that way. When I was chatting to my last ex before we started dating, she was very aloof, and we'd go through periods of having very intense chats, followed by days when I wouldn't hear from her. This had the effect of making me want to speak to her more- which is kind of my thinking here tbh! It wouldn't be so bad if the date was a bit closer, but I have at least a week before that, and I don't want to burn her out. For my part, I know there have been times when my interest in meeting a girl has definitely waned the longer the pre-date chat has gone on.
d0nnivain Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Since you already have the date set there is no need for constant communication. A little mystery is a good thing. Contact her on Sunday or Monday to see how her weekend was. Make sure you were out having a blast so you can compare notes. Playing hard to get is bad. Being hard to get is good.
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