rdons1 Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 I've had 2 exes. One never left a single breadcrumb. One constantly leaves them. I feel as though an ex leaving a breadcrumb is kind of a way of validation to a relationship to me. It makes me feel as though our time spent together actually meant something. That even months later they still think about me and still contact me. To me the ex that never left a breadcrumb and I's relationship was a total waste of time because there's never been a bread crumb. If what we had was even remotely real there would have at least been some kind of contact from her side, but there was never .So to me a breadcrumb is kind of a sign of validation that what you had was real. I guess it depends on the circumstances but that just how I look at it.
Horizontalv11 Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Well the way I look at it, breadcrumbs are trash. I'm saying that because I've been receiving selfies from my ex and texts to check up on me. Never, ever any messages to reconcile. Maybe I'm just bitter on the topic. Breadcrumbs instill false hope in the broken hearted and delay healing. I'm not resilient enough to bounce back from a breakup and take a breadcrumb as a kind gesture. I'd rather not receive any texts from my ex. From experience, I'm not aloud to bring my phone to work. Period. So I leave it in the car. Before I leave for work, I check it for a message that is not going to be there. When the day is done, I notice that I'm rushing to my car to check my phone.. Just to see nothing. I'm disappointed for a second. She hasn't thought about me for 10 hours to send me a text like she used to. But that's okay. The very very few times she sent a *hey, how've you been?*. My stomach drops into my anus and I read Into it. I feel obligated to make a conversation and hope it leads to something awesome and worth while. What she really says is actually really dry and I feel awful for a long time. It's obvious she's looking for an ego boost/ease her guilt. Sure, she may have thought of me. I thought the relationship was the best and I am sure as pie I did anything for her. But at the end of the day. I'm her ex and going from boyfriend to ex is such a disappointment. Maybe it's just me, I don't want to know if they're thinking of me because I'll relapse and wallow in self pity over the breakup of my first love. I still miss her. And I still check my phone for messages that aren't going to get there. But reconciliation isn't going to happen for me. So I'm better off not getting anything so I can be that much closer to healing. So yeah man, I don't take bread crumbs well. They just bring pain and cause me to think too much into the situation. I gotta heal
W101 Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 I hear what your saying, it's nice to have that validation, when they contact it's like the heavens open up, only... then you realize there's rarely a thing else to it and your heart falls through your ass again, it's momentary relief, fully going the path of a lone wolf is usually the better choice, when I look at a pigeon bopping it's head on the street for crumbs, I relate that to how I was after relationships, starved and feeling entitled for something yet all I got was some bs breadcrumb that was all sticky and had been walked all over, why would I wanna be a pigeon when I could just go out and buy a new loaf of bread, with 6 billion loaves of bread in the world, no point dwelling on one lousy breadcrumb.
tim_tom Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Well the way I look at it, breadcrumbs are trash. I'm saying that because I've been receiving selfies from my ex and texts to check up on me. Never, ever any messages to reconcile. Maybe I'm just bitter on the topic. Breadcrumbs instill false hope in the broken hearted and delay healing. I'm not resilient enough to bounce back from a breakup and take a breadcrumb as a kind gesture. I'd rather not receive any texts from my ex. From experience, I'm not aloud to bring my phone to work. Period. So I leave it in the car. Before I leave for work, I check it for a message that is not going to be there. When the day is done, I notice that I'm rushing to my car to check my phone.. Just to see nothing. I'm disappointed for a second. She hasn't thought about me for 10 hours to send me a text like she used to. But that's okay. The very very few times she sent a *hey, how've you been?*. My stomach drops into my anus and I read Into it. I feel obligated to make a conversation and hope it leads to something awesome and worth while. What she really says is actually really dry and I feel awful for a long time. It's obvious she's looking for an ego boost/ease her guilt. Sure, she may have thought of me. I thought the relationship was the best and I am sure as pie I did anything for her. But at the end of the day. I'm her ex and going from boyfriend to ex is such a disappointment. Maybe it's just me, I don't want to know if they're thinking of me because I'll relapse and wallow in self pity over the breakup of my first love. I still miss her. And I still check my phone for messages that aren't going to get there. But reconciliation isn't going to happen for me. So I'm better off not getting anything so I can be that much closer to healing. So yeah man, I don't take bread crumbs well. They just bring pain and cause me to think too much into the situation. I gotta heal I agree. You feel better for an hour or two, then you feel worse then before the crumb 2 hours later. And that's if you don't respond. I imagine responding would only cause a deeper setback. I believe the crumbs say more about the dumpers guilt then any feelings for you. If they had feelings for you, they'd be with you, it's as simple as that. 1
April Moon Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 I believe the crumbs say more about the dumpers guilt then any feelings for you. If they had feelings for you, they'd be with you, it's as simple as that. Does that mean if the dumper doesn't send you a breadcrumb then they don't feel guilty? Also, at what point is it no longer a breadcrumb?
evanescentworld Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Does that mean if the dumper doesn't send you a breadcrumb then they don't feel guilty? No, it just means they haven't sent you a breadcrumb. Also, at what point is it no longer a breadcrumb? At the point their last breath leaves their body.
Ordinaryday Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 if you want to be in a relationship with the dumper and they dont want to be in a relationship with you it is real simple. ANY contact from them is a breadcrumb, any contact that is not about them saying they want to give the relationship another try I didnt fall in love with my exes with the end game of making a new friend or being their buddy. if they are contacting me to say hi or whatever they are just wasting my time and not respecting my wishes.
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Bread crumbs... why look for bread crums??? I rather be good friends than be of and on and off in a needy way. No bread crumbs is OK, as you understand that your ex did not think of you as you were led to believe. Think of no bread crumbs as their way of giving you some respect without making an effort. Keeping you from harms reach as they may find you easy prey. If anything, live and enjoy your life, not everything is perfect, so don't count your friends, count on them.
tim_tom Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 (edited) Does that mean if the dumper doesn't send you a breadcrumb then they don't feel guilty? Also, at what point is it no longer a breadcrumb? I would have to defer to one of the more experienced members on the second question, but as to the first, I can tell you what I think.. I think it depends on the person. My last ex was a bit insecure and didn't want to feel/seem like a bad person. Her sending breadcrumbs is her way of making herself feel better, and trying to get affirmation that "hey, he's ok and he doesn't hate me, I feel good about this". It's 100% about her and her feelings. If I respond that things are good, she will vanish for weeks to months until checking in on me again just for reassurances. If I respond like a jerk, her anger/defense mechanisms will kick in and she'll similarly be pissed off and flutter away. If i tell her the truth, that I'm a complete mess it will just encourage her to try harder to make me feel better, as friends, leading me to think that I have a chance when actually I have no chance. (plus she gets an ego boost). It would just prolong the agony. My ex before that was confident and didn't really care what people thought of her, more cold. Never got breadcrumbs, until.. she wanted me back. I think these types of interactions really don't do anything to validate the relationship for you. imo, what all of us recently dumped need to get through our head is .. they DON'T still love you or really care.. imo, they'd be with you if they did, they wouldn't be hurting you. I was in the same relationship as her, I felt the rough patch. I never would've left her short of abuse, I still love her with all my heart Another thing.. How many ex's send breadcrumbs and are sleeping with someone else? In fact, I would guess many of them come soon after having a great time/great sex with their new love when a little guilt sets in. Who needs them and who needs to labor over their motives! Just leave us alone Edited September 5, 2014 by tim_tom 1
Missy0724 Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Validation from them? YOU know it was real...you know when it was good, it was good, and real. But it's OVER. So why need validation from another person? If you are still caring what they think, or need their validation, that is an issue in itself... All that should matter is what YOU think. You know the truth, how things were, went down, how and why ended. So why beat a dead horse? We will remain in this emotional "prison" if we care what they, others think of us! Once we can change our thinking, to not care...that is when the letting go can begin. Take back our power and be more concerned with what WE think, than them! What is that going to do? Get them back? Do we want to be back with them? Are the issues that made us break up, resolved? Would we be all happy happy, healthy relationship, if we got back with them? Reality is, probably not. Time to face reality...
2sunny Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Breadcrumbs = no effort to make me a priority. No thanks!
somedude81 Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 To me the ex that never left a breadcrumb and I's relationship was a total waste of time because there's never been a bread crumb. If what we had was even remotely real there would have at least been some kind of contact from her side, but there was never .So to me a breadcrumb is kind of a sign of validation that what you had was real. I guess it depends on the circumstances but that just how I look at it. My ex never gave me any breadcrumbs and I agree with you that because of that she feels that our relationship was a waste of time to her and a total mistake. She's now trying to pretend that I'm dead, and that just really hurts.
slizl Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Can someone please let me know what a metaphorical breadcrumb is?
April Moon Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 if you want to be in a relationship with the dumper and they dont want to be in a relationship with you it is real simple. ANY contact from them is a breadcrumb, any contact that is not about them saying they want to give the relationship another try I didnt fall in love with my exes with the end game of making a new friend or being their buddy. if they are contacting me to say hi or whatever they are just wasting my time and not respecting my wishes. Thank you! I meant it from the side that the dumpee is now indifferent to the dumper. To me, that would no longer be a breadcrumb. However, I was unsure and wanted to clarify.
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