Let's be Friends?

[disneygogetter]

I know a lot of relationships have started off as "friends first" and those lead to being together for many years to come. Which I guess is true because my ex-boyfriend and I were friends at the time, I was dating this other guy, and after that relationship ended this ex-boyfriend and I got together and were together for 3 years.

 

But here's the thing what if you tried to date a guy or a girl and they were too shy or they weren't ready even if they said they were when you first started chatting. Then they turn the tables and say "Let's be friends" and see if it will lead to something more.

 

Well why say you wanted to be in a relationship at first and then say you want to be friends instead? It doesn't add up or make sense. Plus what if you do agree on being friends, and then you end up in the "friend zone"?

 

That's what I do not like and why I don't want to date someone that wants to be friends because while you're friends, you can freely see anyone else and what if that someone else ends up being the "one" well what happened to you and them being friends I thought they wanted to be with you?

 

What would you do in a situation such as this?

[d0nnivain]

I would & have been friendly meaning polite & engaging when I saw them but I never reached out. If I wanted a romance with somebody & he wanted to be friends I would conclude that he didn't find me attractive enough to date so I wouldn't want to be just his friend, watch him date other women & then have him hit on me some time in the future because he was lonely & I was there.

[disneygogetter]

I would & have been friendly meaning polite & engaging when I saw them but I never reached out. If I wanted a romance with somebody & he wanted to be friends I would conclude that he didn't find me attractive enough to date so I wouldn't want to be just his friend, watch him date other women & then have him hit on me some time in the future because he was lonely & I was there.

 

So if the guy or the girl says they want to be friends then thats it they don't want a relationship even if they said so beforehand.

[d0nnivain]

So if the guy or the girl says they want to be friends then thats it they don't want a relationship even if they said so beforehand.

 

 

I suppose somebody somewhere must be genuine when they day they need to be friends 1st but to me it was always code for I'm trying to reject you nicely & gently because I'd prefer not to be confrontational or hurt your feelings.

 

Young inexperienced girls often use this tactic to buy themselves time &/or to string a guy along. Men rarely say it because at a minimum it quashes the potential for sex but if a man did say that to me, I'd assume he just didn't have the _____s to be more direct. At no point would I assume he genuinely wanted to be my friend.

Edited September 4, 2014 by d0nnivain

[disneygogetter]

I suppose somebody somewhere must be genuine when they day they need to be friends 1st but to me it was always code for I'm trying to reject you nicely & gently because I'd prefer not to be confrontational or hurt your feelings.

 

Young inexperienced girls often use this tactic to buy themselves time &/or to string a guy along. Men rarely say it because at a minimum it quashes the potential for sex but if a man did say that to me, I'd assume he just didn't have the _____s to be more direct. At no point would I assume he genuinely wanted to be my friend.

 

Yeah I don't know about this 1 guy I am talking too.

[d0nnivain]

A guy said it to you?

 

Next. At best you are an afterthought.

[todreaminblue]

I do believe the best relationship happen from knowing someone as a close friend

 

in saying that i think it ought to be talked about that you know where you stand......you can date as friends.......but that if it needs to be exclusive that it be out in the open and understood......i dont think its fair to say hey yeah i really want a relationship and then "go back" to a non exclusive male to female friendship after already stating a relationship is what you are after..... so you can hunt around to have a relationship with another...it isnt honest...its a soft sell on "we arent suited to be together or i dont like you enough to be in a relationship with you ".......deb