Eighty_nine Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I don't want to repeat the whole long painful story (but you can find it in the break up thread), but I wanted some support and to make an admission around how badly I'm feeling about myself in response to this situation (and prob unconsciously have always felt this bad about me) I hope to god no one I know ever stumbles across this- basically I engaged in a fwb situation with my roommate (stupid, I know). It became pretty intense both emotionally and sexually and he began playing games with me. He also left his journal around our house (lived in a big house w 3 others). I read it to discover he referred to me as "far from gorgeous" and "not great to look at from the waist up." Also called me crazy multiple times in the journal but he also said that to my face. Now, Im not "beautiful" but have always considered myself attractive. I never had a hard time attracting attention from men, have had 3 serious relationships etc. I was the dumper before this situation where he continually rejected me in various ways. I told him about reading his journal and he profusely apologized and said he didn't really think that, but based on all of his actions after I'm pretty certain he found me "not good enough" for him. Which baffled me bc he is not overly special looking and his ex who broke his heart was VERY plain. I know I shouldn't have read it, but I did and it was a HUGE ego injury for me. I kept seeing him and relenting when he'd want me "back" til he eventually left me high and dry for another girl. I thought I loved him, thought we were so connected and was devastated. So. I try to make myself feel better in probably unhealthy ways, but can't get the idea that I am ugly out of my head. Hadn't felt so insecure in years and it tore away at me. Long story short- i got a nose job, bc it was the only feature that I have that seemed to need fixing. It was super subtle (which I am so greatful for). I don't regret it, but I see now that i didn't need it (was just a small bump on my nose). And, although I can't deny I look a little more feminine, I still feel just as bad about myself as I did before. I also lost about 15lbs and frankly, my body looks pretty good, but again this has no impact on how I feel inside. This is embarrassing to admit and sad, I know. NO ONE noticed the plastic surgery- I'm lucky, I would've hated explaining some guy made me feel badly enough about myself to do something so drastic. Only my best friend and sister know. Sorry about typos- Im on iPad. Feels good to admit this Any suggestions on how o begin healing what feels like irreparable damage to my sense of self worth? .
fred123 Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 there was a girl i reli liked and cared about. i used to tell her she was beautiful and she would be like "you are so cute and thanx" but after we met she said to me " remember one thing for the future you are not good looking" ever since then i feel ugly. i want to get plastuc surgery tok
todreaminblue Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 “If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it. A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” i am sorry that you feel less than who you are.....i often feel that way too...this man doesnt sound like he has a good influence on you ...or inspires you to be a better person...to me that guy has an insecure heart......a heart that gets off on putting down another...he has his own securities and he is projecting them on to you...he is the person i pity not you.... i am sorry he projected his insecurities onto you and now you feel them.....because they are horrible ones.......be understanding.......hold your head up and think good thoughts about you and limit the time you think about him its what i used to do .......when guys would call me ugly when i was a child......or made me feel a lesser person or sub human....i knew there was a reason fro them to project onto me...happy people just dont do it......good people just dont do this.......names and ridicule and thoughtlessness still hurts no matter how resilient a good person is.......if it didnt hurt you wouldnt be good.......that someone can hurt you ...shows vulnerability.......vulnerability shows heart.....and a good heart is........priceless...... but dont let that hurt dwell too deep in you...let it be a surface graze.....hold your head back up......think of the quote from roald dahl .....and just smile..think good thoughts about you and about others..... ....move on......with understanding.....deb 2
d0nnivain Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Read some self help / improve self esteem books. It's a cheap way to start the process. One of the best ideas is to make a list of all your good qualities. Brainstorm for a while, then put the list away for a day or two. Ask trusted friends & family to help you with the list on the 2nd go round if you feel stuck. Then put it away again. Take it out a 3rd time & pair it down to a top 10. Then read your top 10 over & over. Also remind yourself that this is one jerk's opinion. His beliefs should not be allowed to define how you see yourself. 2
Author Eighty_nine Posted September 5, 2014 Author Posted September 5, 2014 Thank you so much for your kind words <3 1
ThorntonMelon Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Liss - I wouldnt set feeling secure as your current goal. Because right now your security is only going to be tied to someone else finding you attractive. Which frankly, while a great ego boost, is not sustainable. How about setting a goal like meditating every day for a week or doing 30 mins of exercise or something more productive and measurable? My guess is you're a very attractive woman who found a guy who has a real need to judge because of his own insecurities. Because honestly, I'm a 30's guy - and I dont know any male, any male who spends time knocking other women. We just don't do it. We're past that in our lives and mostly just looking for someone who's good to us and not crazy. You dodged a bullet, but you don't want to hear that yet. But I'll be here when you do :-) 1
slizl Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Step 1) Sign up to a free dating site Step 2) Post pictures Step 3) Get bombarded by douchebags telling you how hawt you are Step 4) feel good about yourself 1
Author Eighty_nine Posted September 6, 2014 Author Posted September 6, 2014 Haha. I've done that, gotten those messages and it didn't help. Actually made me feel worse so I deleted it.
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