BelleisSad Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I'm not coping with what my Ex did its been almost 6 yrs , since 2009 when he run towards his '' soul mate '' and didn't contact my son and I until 2013 only to verbally abuse me , lie and attempt to manipulate a few minutes contact with our child who he tells his now wife/ then mistress is not his . I feel a searing rage , I could lit wrap my arms around his neck and watch the light of life drain from his eyes for everything he has inflicted on me im traumatized brutality and I cant establish a relationship with a man bc of my wounds from him . I am trying to get to a point where I can seek help to talk about the domestic abuse, the emotional abuse , the manipulation and lies and im trying to get into family court to discharge his contact order which he is voluntarily violating but any time I simply think about the past with him , what happened and what he did to us I seer up in a ball I re-life events I don't know what's wrong with me I feel like iv been in a war . I try to verbalize the events I tried to write them but it takes me to a place of dispersing depression . I will never understand people such as him or her but its not my cross to bear I want to heal , I want to be a good mother and heal the relationships I can with those I now relies loved me the most. Since he has gone I am in university doing International Law BA and doing surprisingly well iv meat wonderful men they seem like decedent human being -- but the pain of the past has engraved something in me and its so painful and won't stop.
pteromom Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 but the pain of the past has engraved something in me and its so painful and won't stop. The engraving will always be part of you, but the pain will fade. If you can't go to a therapist, I suggest finding books on getting past abuse. I am sure there are some great ones. There could be something you are getting from living in the pain. What is your "payoff" for staying in that place? Is it keeping you from worrying about moving forward into another relationship where you'd have to be vulnerable? Is it keeping you feeling "right"? Is there something you are hoping for in order to move on? An apology? Some kind of vindication? Validation that you were a victim and your ex was an abuser? It sounds like your child is better off with this horrible father not claiming him. So that's the good from him telling his new wife that the child isn't his. Be kind to yourself. It sounds like you are doing the right things bettering your life and refusing to bear the cross your ex left you with. Give yourself credit for that. Don't define yourself as a victim of abuse. You are a SURVIVOR and you should claim your strength.
Author BelleisSad Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 The engraving will always be part of you, but the pain will fade. If you can't go to a therapist, I suggest finding books on getting past abuse. I am sure there are some great ones. There could be something you are getting from living in the pain. What is your "payoff" for staying in that place? Is it keeping you from worrying about moving forward into another relationship where you'd have to be vulnerable? Is it keeping you feeling "right"? Is there something you are hoping for in order to move on? An apology? Some kind of vindication? Validation that you were a victim and your ex was an abuser? It sounds like your child is better off with this horrible father not claiming him. So that's the good from him telling his new wife that the child isn't his. Be kind to yourself. It sounds like you are doing the right things bettering your life and refusing to bear the cross your ex left you with. Give yourself credit for that. Don't define yourself as a victim of abuse. You are a SURVIVOR and you should claim your strength. I wrote a long replay but i lost it i will answer u in more detail another day 1
Recommended Posts