everyc Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 (edited) Hi guys. I am not going to say how heart breaking my story is but I just want to tell it and get your advices about the game which is theoretically lost but it's still possible to win it practically. During first year in the university I saw one girl who immediately became my best of the best one (you know that feeling when you see the person and you already know you are going to marry her/him? That happened on first time I saw her). At those times I was quite and simple guy and there was no chances I could approach her, so I lived my life in dreams about her. Years passed, I changed myself in all the possible ways, gained self confidence, experience in talking, approaching women. But still I was thinking about that girl. My changes started just when the summer began so I could not anyhow reach her. I tried to reach her on FB - she didin't answered back. Ask her friends for her number, it was not successful try. So the summer moved on and the new semester began. I got her lessons schedule (but could not find her alone - she was always with her friends), later on I got the schedule of exams and I was waiting outside uni for her but friends around again..I even find an insider in her class who told me little bit about her...I did some other things to reach her but none of them worked. The new semester began. I got her schedule once again. And I went to one of lessons she was attended it. I made the approach. After 30 mins of pleasant talking, got her number. In following two weeks we meet for few times. But on the 3rd date, I made few mistakes and was forced by her to tell all the chasing story (with more details than I put here). She was shocked and had told almost nothing after she heard it...She didin't expect that at all and in her opinion it was tooo much...I texted her few days after this asked for meeting, she told she doesnt want to do it. I felt crushed more than ever in my life and gave up for that time. The semester went on, we were seeing each other but just saying hi... Another summer passed. Few days ago the new semester has begun (we havent talked for almost 6 months since last date and haven't seen each other for hole summer). So I was on street on my way to the university when suddenly I turn my head I saw her, waving and saying hi with smile on her face. I responded in the same way and went on in shock and thoughts about how I haven't seen before she sees me, about how stupid I should look and etc.. So I want to get back in the game. My plan is to show up once or two in a week, to say hi and chat for a bit, to restore friendship and somehow make her to want me to call her on date. I could attack her on the next time we meet (say sorry I didin't have time to chat few days ago when we meet on street) and ask for a meeting but I am not sure if such way would work comparing to first one. What would be your thoughts? Advices? Thanks! Edited September 4, 2014 by everyc
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 sounds like you never were put in the game... she thinks you are a stalker. as it seems that you got attached to small details about her, and never allowed for undertanding who she really is. women don't like having a clingy guy that barely knows them. too much time in between and all. you should have let go long ago.
Woop1337 Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Some women say they have bad memory. But believe me when I say, almost all women have perfect memory. When it comes to the actions of men that turned them off. According to you, you've said/done a lot of things that turned her off. So yeah it's over. Take the L, and move on.
d0nnivain Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 She seems polite in that she's waving to you. However, if after 3 dates she essentially stopped talking to you, you have to assume that she does not want to date you, especially if she expressly told you that your confession about wanting her from afar for all that time was "too much". Consistently showing up where she is when you have no other business being there will become creepy quickly. 1
GemmaUK Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Get rid of any thoughts of dating her. She isn't interested and will never be. 1
Assasda Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Wow. This is crazy. This is like a warning to all you girls out there. Stay with girlfriend to maintain your safety. This is the part that scared me : (you know that feeling when you see the person and you already know you are going to marry her/him? That happened on first time I saw her). - no. no I dont know that feeling at all. Youre lucky this girl didnt report you you to the police. Stop it, Move on, and maybe get some help OP. - That poor girl 1
Author everyc Posted September 5, 2014 Author Posted September 5, 2014 Running away from your goal... You want something but it's not so easy to achieve? You even failed at it for once or two times. And you quit, right? (if YES is the answer in most such cases, stop reading). I hope any of you still reads this. So my question to you would be where is the line between stalking and chasing girl? I believe, these two definitions goes together and could not be understood in the way they should be understood if used separately. I do not defend myself. I made two mistakes. First one is that I was waiting for so long to get her attention. Second one I told her all the things I done. My chase was passive. It lasted for 12 months and was as I could call it episodic. I haven't crossed person privacy or security lines. As she admitted she had no suspicion anyone is stalking her. My plan for now would be to make no actual plan. We have lessons on the same time in the same uni buildings so I am 100% we would see each other. If you say, that it will not be appropriate to approach her to ask how the summer was, what are the plans for following semester and etc, I have nothing more to comment here. Just hope that your actions in personal life are not so self destroying as your advices for others are!
Zippy2000 Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Some might say don't give up and I'm sure there's some stories on here how couples have eventually got together due to persistence. However these stories are few and far between. If she wanted you to be her boyfriend. It would have happened by now. She's just being friendly.
Jules Dash Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 I tried to put myself in her shoes and then some by imaging a very attractive woman who I know in my life doing the things you did in pursuit of this woman. While doing this, I realized that I would be turned off by this very attractive woman doing if she did the things you did. Don't apologize to her or anything. I would just keep my distance and when you run into her, just be polite and smile. Those romantic comedies can screw with you at times. Bradley Cooper can get away with this sort of thing in front of the camera. We can't.
Woop1337 Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Ego, most of the time, is the one that pushes a person to be excellent. To never quit and to achieve better results from your peers. Ego is not good when it comes to romantic relationships and women. Cuz you'll just look like a stalker for being so stubborn and persistent. Recognize the situation and face reality. This thing was over before it began.
Author everyc Posted November 7, 2014 Author Posted November 7, 2014 (edited) Hi guys. We arranged the meeting in a few days. It wasn't difficult. Actually, we are bumping into each other few times every week (i have nothing to do with that) at uni and all the time I am feeling like caught thief, so there is no other way than scatter such feelings. I know she wants to look polite and I am not thinking anything about future relationships. But. Should I say anything about chasing thing? (about my feelings, about ****ing up everything, ask how did she overcome it and etc). Or to be myself and act like it's our first meeting ever? Edited November 7, 2014 by everyc
Recommended Posts