enchanted771 Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Just went on a date this past weekend with this guy. We have been talking off & on since spring but I got cold feet because I was stuck on this other guy. So, there was definitely a connection, he asked to see me again, etc. How often is normal to talk in the beginning and how often to see each other? I think it's best to that things slow especially since I was hurt badly a couple months ago (emotionally) but he also seems nervous & standoffish And told me he's also shy. He seemed less shy before we met but now that We met it seems he's more nervous. I think I'm also inpatient to let things happen naturally.
PegNosePete Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Who cares what's "normal"? There is no such thing. Just do what you are comfortable with.
Author enchanted771 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 Yes...I just get very nervous that I'll appear needy and scare him away
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Yes...I just get very nervous that I'll appear needy and scare him away being a shy guy myself... Have a sit down and talk moment with him. Explaining what he does to you and trust him. Allow him to say what he feels about you. Being less shy now will allow him to trust you, and he'll be more open to say what he feels. After he has learned how you deeply feel.
PegNosePete Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I don't think sitting down to talk about feelings is appropriate after just 1 date. That will scare him away. Just play it by ear, communicate as often as you want to. If that scares him off then you're probably not a good match anyway. 2
Author enchanted771 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 I don't think sitting down to talk about feelings is appropriate after just 1 date. That will scare him away. Just play it by ear, communicate as often as you want to. If that scares him off then you're probably not a good match anyway. Yes it's def too soon for feelings talk. I think I'm nervous Because the last guy totally lied, played & manipulated me so here I am Analyzing things.
Author enchanted771 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 Really I just don't know how to act anymore. We made plans & I text him to confirm it and he's acting vague. I told him that if he has other plans we can Do it another time & I get an answer about so far he's free. Now I don't know if he is waiting to hear from some other girl or it's his business (he gets last minute jobs then he has to work) but when I went out with him, my impression was that he is not a serial dater so the whole playing it cool thing may work for him, but it's a turn off for me big time. So were supposed to go our tomorrow but with the Way he's acting I'm not going to even bother texting him. If he wants to See me so bad he can text me. He was texting me all weekend before out first date, day of, and then couple hours before to confirm were still on. Seems to me I need to step back and let him do all the work Because now this is just backfiring.
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 (edited) Yes it's def too soon for feelings talk. I think I'm nervous Because the last guy totally lied, played & manipulated me so here I am Analyzing things. well, you said he was shy... some how you need to be open with him. shy guys are not players. they need some assurance to feel comfy. that is why finding a way to communicate will help. i guess i am a bit different in seeing the point... as i see more difficulty by skirting about the subject of liking someone and getting to know someone. if he likes you he won't feel comfy in getting personal with thoughts and all as shy peeps are not so inclined. if he wants to get to know you, he will want to progress futher. why get your hopes up just allow things to roll with the flow. Edited September 4, 2014 by sdrawkcaB ssA
Author enchanted771 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 well, you said he was shy... some how you need to be open with him. shy guys are not players. they need some assurance to feel comfy. that is why finding a way to communicate will help. i guess i am a bit different in seeing the point... as i see more difficulty by skirting about the subject of liking someone and getting to know someone. if he likes you he won't feel comfy in getting personal with thoughts and all as shy peeps are not so inclined. if he wants to get to know you, he will want to progress futher. why get your hopes up just allow things to roll with the flow.how open? We had one date so I don't want to be demanding. I already told him that if he has other plans then we can do it another time. But he insists so far he's free. To me that is screaming that I'm an option. Guess I could add looking forward to seeing you again but I don't want to creep him out
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 how open? We had one date so I don't want to be demanding. I already told him that if he has other plans then we can do it another time. But he insists so far he's free. To me that is screaming that I'm an option. Guess I could add looking forward to seeing you again but I don't want to creep him out I understand... though i am going on my own past to shed light. things are different but still the same. Creeping someone out, now that is a fine line so to speak. As anyone would say that would be creepy if their date would instantly say screw dating lets be steady. i have been there and oddly accepted. Though i knew them by friends so to speak. Maybe just taking a simple approach to being asertive. shy guys will always be last... though if yuu are keen enough, you should detect if he is faking. though the big surprise is when he trusts you enough to show you his passions or ideas about what he wants. OK, just fling out an open invite for a to do... because you have no clear idea of his schedule. Just make a plan to go to something that is open for convo. College weekend thing or event. if he passes, for understood reasons, you can ask if he would meet for lunch sometime. you already got your foot in the door, don't close it for him. being a wee assertive is not bad... just allow trust in him in some way. If he can't handle it, he's not interested. that simple, why put yourself in a unknown that could last long enough to disapoint you later. to me creapy is a person, who expects too much without allowing for understanding. if you can get him to say something that says to you that he's willing to date you further on the second try, then ypu can feel you done well. Though, he may need some clue, and to give him a kiss would be ok and probably not shake him.
Author enchanted771 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 He kissed me already. It was a peck and he said if I want a better kiss I would Have to make the first move. We have so called plans tomorrow but he's acting standoffish. This would be the second date. He's the one who expeessed interest in it, now he's acting nervous. I told him I'm looking forward to seeing him again, and again his response seemed nervous. I'm not going to contact him again tomorrow. I did my part & I'm not Going to be the one doing most of the work. If he is so interested he will reach out to me otherwise I'm going to do something else. He admitted his shyness being the reason it took so long to meet.
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 He kissed me already. It was a peck and he said if I want a better kiss I would Have to make the first move. We have so called plans tomorrow but he's acting standoffish. This would be the second date. He's the one who expeessed interest in it, now he's acting nervous. I told him I'm looking forward to seeing him again, and again his response seemed nervous. I'm not going to contact him again tomorrow. I did my part & I'm not Going to be the one doing most of the work. If he is so interested he will reach out to me otherwise I'm going to do something else. He admitted his shyness being the reason it took so long to meet. yeah, i figuered that... i did not want to go and tell you how to date me in my early years... but he sound a lot like me then, though i did not date early. he probably has not had many dates, and thinks if things get too far what you may expect. like i don't like being put in the same lot of other guys and prefer not to be judged as. so, if he is thinking that you may expect him to act like guys who come on to you, then nevousness will be part of the issue. you may tell him that you like him for being the way he is and that you don't expect him to be sure about anything more than being casual. once he feels less threatened by you allowing an openess, a better kiss may allow his true feelings be felt and spoken. i think he is as unsure as you are.
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