Roses777 Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 We broke up in December, saw her in January and she was super angry and said I'd never see or hear from her again, then she contacted me in June or July, we met up, went all the way...(phew! long story) then hungout a few times. I put my foot down and said I wanted more than just hanging out with an ex and she balked. Anyways.. We have been talking again even though she has blocked me from Facebook out of spite because I didn't want to hangout as just friends. Last night she was bad-mouthing everything about our relationship, saying it was horrible, I was bad at sex, she hates me (irrationally) more than those who bullied her as a kid, wishes that I will go to Hell for moving into the same building, etc. She knows that I am moving into the same building as her in just a few weeks (October 1st) Yet she offered to return really trivial things like the curtains, blinds, etc. to my room. She says this is it and that is all that she will do but why would she bother doing even that? Fortunately, she has a job now so that keeps her out of trouble. Obviously she is going through hard times because she has tremendous debts ($15K) and is barely earning more than minimum wage. She apparently has OCD so obviously she has been thinking about me moving in and our relationship a lot. Thoughts? Does she want to re-connect and see if I am still "up to spec"? Thanks in advance. I treated her well so what she was saying was so harsh but not unexpected.
Zahara Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I can't understand men that do this. Allow a woman to mistreat you and then keep engaging and analyzing about the why, what, when, how? Doesn't it make you sick to even want to have anything to do with someone like this? And of all places to move into, why would you choose to move close to someone that inflicts drama in your life. She uses you for company, treats you with contempt, shuts you out, bad mouths you, hates you, she's bi-polar, has OCD -- and you're asking if she trying to connect to see if you are "up to spec" -- I swear it's so unattractive when men like you chase women like her.
Author Roses777 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 I can't understand men that do this. Allow a woman to mistreat you and then keep engaging and analyzing about the why, what, when, how? Doesn't it make you sick to even want to have anything to do with someone like this? And of all places to move into, why would you choose to move close to someone that inflicts drama in your life. She uses you for company, treats you with contempt, shuts you out, bad mouths you, hates you, she's bi-polar, has OCD -- and you're asking if she trying to connect to see if you are "up to spec" -- I swear it's so unattractive when men like you chase women like her. She is BIPOLAR. Unless you have experience with unmedicated bipolar people, you cannot analyze this from a non-BP's POV. I was with her for 4 years, so I have had extensive experience with her and other people who I suspect are bipolar. It doesn't really bother me. She is downplaying our relationship which was great for us both. It's been months since the break-up so I have mostly healed. Sure, I would have liked for her to medicate herself with proper medication instead of the constant drinking, but I know that she is coming from a depressed place and just wants to hurt me because she knows I am doing well. That is what bipolars do: they say hurtful things because secretly they still have feelings and don't want to reveal them. I had to move there since my college is 10 minutes away and it was the only available place to move to. My parents are moving 40 minutes away so it was this or lose my job and my future career! It's pretty hard for her to use me for anything when I established guidelines. The whole 'using', 'contempt', 'pushing away', 'badmouths', 'hates you', etc. at that extreme are ALL signs of bipolar. It's nothing personal, it is how the disease affects people. I'm not chasing her. She was the one who /offered/ to drop off things that I didn't even want!
Zahara Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 She is BIPOLAR. Unless you have experience with unmedicated bipolar people, you cannot analyze this from a non-BP's POV. I was with her for 4 years, so I have had extensive experience with her and other people who I suspect are bipolar. I'm not analyzing anything. I'm quoting you stating she has bi-polar and yet you're analyzing her behavior! I don't care what extensive experience you have. The fact that you with conviction can attest to it, yet you chase, engage and you as a non-BP, you're trying to get into her head. It's dysfunctional, period. No need to wonder why she wants to return curtains. It doesn't really bother me. She is downplaying our relationship which was great for us both. It's been months since the break-up so I have mostly healed. Sure, I would have liked for her to medicate herself with proper medication instead of the constant drinking, but I know that she is coming from a depressed place and just wants to hurt me because she knows I am doing well. That is what bipolars do: they say hurtful things because secretly they still have feelings and don't want to reveal them. Again, who cares. You shouldn't be focusing on what's going on with her. I had to move there since my college is 10 minutes away and it was the only available place to move to. My parents are moving 40 minutes away so it was this or lose my job and my future career! Then block contact and step away from her. It's pretty hard for her to use me for anything when I established guidelines. The whole 'using', 'contempt', 'pushing away', 'badmouths', 'hates you', etc. at that extreme are ALL signs of bipolar. It's nothing personal, it is how the disease affects people. Established guidelines? Diseased or not, you allowed someone to mistreat you. I'm not chasing her. She was the one who /offered/ to drop off things that I didn't even want! I consider engaging with someone that dumped you, as you termed hanging out to the point where you have to tell them that you need more was you chasing her -- even when you knew her "disease" would be detrimental to you.
W101 Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I dated a girl with bi polar for 2 years, it was the most emotionally exhausting experience of my life, no matter how many times I read stories about people dating bi polar affected people, the most common theme I see is the distancing method, I think you have the right attitude for not taking it personally as it very rarely is personal, I'm going to tell you from experience what she may really mean through her actions and cruel words. You put your foot down, she reacted and blocked communication, tell tale sign that she felt she was losing control and most likely, feels pressured in to a situation that she can't handle, believe it or not, most people affected by bi polar know their words and actions hurt other and will distance themselves from doing so again by any means necessary. She was bad mouthing you, another distancing technique, trying to push you away and turn you away from her, trying to convince herself at the same time that a relationship with you isn't something that she wants. I don't know if she wants to reconnect, it's really a patience game in this case, you have to let her decide and come to you, either the sex you had was meaningful and means something like getting back together eventually, or she was in a manic stage and wanted sex with a man she could trust (you), it could be either. I couldn't handle my relationship with my bi polar ex, at times it felt incredible, the most incredible feeling I'd ever had or anybody had ever had for her, at other times it was the most painful experience of my life, it was hot and cold for weeks/months at a time, if you can handle her at her worst, you deserve her best, if it wasn't for the cheating that occured in my relationship, I'd probably still be with her now, probably, best of luck to you whichever way you go. 1
Author Roses777 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 Thanks W101. I did my best for her and us. I have told her that I will always be there for her if she feels desperate because I sympathize with her condition. That is what she needs the most -- a "safe person" or "safe haven". People that haven't gone through what I have been through cannot understand the situation. Thank you.
Justaguy30 Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I can tell you first hand you are better off with out her if you are okay with it just stop. I am surprised she is returning your things, I never got mine. Best of luck and find one that is a little less crazy.
Author Roses777 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 She was a fairly possessive person when were dating so I am surprised that it even matters that she is returning such trivial items that I did not care for. I'm trying to find one that is less crazy but I suspect my rock-hard stability attracts the wild ones.
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