Kaede Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Hi all, I just would like to ask advice on my breakup with my ex and if I should be getting her back (I want to). My situation is a bit different and long but please bear with me. I have been with my ex in a relationship for 3 years. During this time, we broke up in Aug 2013 due to frequent quarrels and differences in our personalities (e.g. she got jealous too easily, controlled me too much). Then in Feb 2014 we met again with minimal contact all this while. We got back together and realised both of us had changed. We could handle our emotions better and the previous issues we had were gone (or minimal). Things went very smooth between us and we frequently even talked about the future. However, I had a health issue at the back of my mind. I was diagnosed with cancer in Oct 2013 though stage 1. I didn't dare to tell her and hoped to solve it on my own. Then in May 2014, my situation had worsened. I started panicking as I felt I could not be there for my ex. She is a single mother and had gone through a lot. I started worrying that I would be a burden and I was not good enough for her. She needs someone who can take care of her. So in our next quarrel, which was a minor one she said to break-up and I agreed. She says this often but doesn't mean it. She was shocked that I agreed. It was coincidental the next day after our quarrel, I met my doctor and he said I was in cancer stage 3. I panicked thinking that I can't be there for her anymore. We broke-up in mid-May (a day after meeting my doctor) and it was ugly. She was very hurt and begged me not to go. Honestly, I wanted very much to be with her but I tried to be cold and pushed her away. It was an immature thinking that she would be better without me. We didn't speak for 2.5 months but my grandpa passed away and I reached out to her. No one except my doctor knows about my situation. My family has issues so I wanted to solve it on my own. After speaking I found out she has someone new and it hurt me. It was my decision to let her go but it really hurt me. I realised how much I love her. I told her about everything. I felt worse after we shared our feelings as here I was trying to be noble making the decision for her thinking she deserves someone better but I was wrong. I didn't realise how much I hurt her whatever my intentions were. She had a tough time getting through. In mid-July, after about 1.5 months after our breakup she got with someone new. This person has always been trying to get with her, since even last year when we first broke up. Asking her feelings, she said she just felt she could give him a shot and even if there is no love it can be developed. She likes being pampered. However, she is wants to go through my disease with me as she knows I am taking it alone and too much to bear. She wants me to hold her hand on this which I agreed. I feel that we are contacting only due to my disease though we do speak like in the past. We did kiss a couple of times but usually she says she wants to draw a line (she feels guilty her boyfriend). We both cried when we talked about our memories and how I should not have made such a decision. My questions are: 1. Should I get back with her? (I want to) 2. If yes, what are my chances of getting back with her? 3. What should I do? 4. Should I keep contacting her? (Though she always asks about my condition) Many thanks for listening to me. I appreciate it.
tim_tom Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Man, really sorry to hear about your illness. Don't feel bad about the way you reacted, I am sure a lot of people would react that way. I had a bit of a scare w/it and had planned to do the same thing, nobody wants to feel like a burden. Take care of yourself, you don't need the extra stress right now. That much is certain. If she wants to take you back and can be supportive, you absolutely should. Worrying about her with another guy is not going to help you heal. You should also tell family asap. It's not fair not to at this point/
Author Kaede Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 Hi Tim, thanks for your kind words. I am trying to not pressure myself too much. A bit about myself, I stay only with my mother and recently my grandpa (her dad) passed away after years of fighting with cancer too. She is taking it very hard. I can't bear to tell her, perhaps I will when my condition is more "settled". I am going to see a doctor next week and talk about how we will cure my condition. About my ex, she has someone new as I wrote so I don't know what steps I should take (if any at all). Definitely, I do want her back.
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