Lalocket Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 Ok second time lucky I just managed to delete my post. I'm new here but could really use some support/advice. My boyfriend split up with me 2 weeks ago after a series of fights about our living situation (we share a flat but he couldn't afford to stay so wanted us to move back to our parents). The last weekend was awful, huge fights, he went out all night and I didn't know where he was and I was worried sick. I did end up shouting a lot which I'm not proud of but it turned out he was just out drinking and passed out somewhere. The Sunday he moved his stuff out when I was at my parents. He has refused to see me and hardly spoken to me about the break up except saying that our bad memories outweigh the good and he doesn't think anything could help and we could never get back together. I went for nearly a week NC which since we have bills to pay (we have 2 weeks left on our lease, had handed in notice before the break up). Last night I broke NC and asked him if he was dating cause the paranoia was driving me insane. He responded by being extremely angry and defensive and that it was "none of my business" and I should " leave him alone" and that he would go through my parents about bills. I just need to understand why he is being so awful since he broke up with me? He was always so into me, all my friends and family commented on that. I am devastated, can't eat, sleep, lost 6lbs in a week. We still need to discuss our flat and the bills and our shared items but he is just running away from it all. Bear in mind that our relationship was great 90% of the time but when we fought, it was bad. I am hurting more than I can explain, I had fooled myself into believing that the NC was making him miss me and reflect. He just still seems to hate me right now. Please be kind in your response cause I'm v fragile right now! Just need advice. Thanks so much. L
Ordinaryday Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 people take breakups differently, and it sounds like he is being a jerk but you have to understand that it is up to him as the dumper to initiate contact between you two, not you as a dumpee. I have not had exactly the same since I am the dumpee but as a dumpee I have sometimes been pretty rude to dumpers who years later contact me with a "hi how are you?" type email. as far as I am concerned they forfeited the right to enquire about me the moment they dumped me and I dont want to hear from them and I dont welcome contact. sorry, it sounds like he was being a rude jerk but to be fair you no longer have the right to ask about his personal life, you lost that right when he dumped you. dont contact him at all, NEVER initiate contact with him, and if he initiates contact with you then and ONLY then can you decide what to say to him 1
FailedFirstLove Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 Going through the something. But two months. He holds grudges and anger. I asked how he was and the reply was it's become more clear ur a horrible person. I don't want you in my life hang in there. It hurts like hell.
Author Lalocket Posted August 28, 2014 Author Posted August 28, 2014 hi all i've posted a couple of times the last few days about my situation with my ex. it's been 10 days since he broke it off with me and moved out of our flat. tonight (call me crazy, but i am a firm believer that if a girl is crazy..someone has driven her to that point) i checked his facebook through my mums account and found he had become friends with this girl in our town and she was liking all his posts etc.. and then i found her twitter and she was saying how she had been to the cinema with him and pictuers of them together this tore me into a million pieces and i saw red and just called him (broke NC again) and told him i knew about her and did it happen before we were broken up? he said no, but its been 10 DAYS. he is moving on like he's fine! maybe he is fine, but i said to him on the phone - so if i had been on 2 dates a week after us breaking up how would you feel? and his reply..I WOULDNT GIVE A ****. i hung up. i feel like everything was a lie...i thought things couldnt get any worse but turns out they can. i trusted him with my whole heart, i have known him for 10 years and we were friends at college. any words of support would be great..i feel totally hopeless right now and like there is no point in anything. please help.
irresolute Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 I'm really sorry for your pain. You have no other choice than to move on. If he doesn't give a s... like he said, it's clear enough he doesn't care about you or your actions. Doesn't matter you know him for 10 year s. He still has the right to date anyone he wants when he wants and you are free to do the same. Just don't st as la him anymore. Continue with your life.
Georgia2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 I started dating again as soon as my ex and I broke up. He hurt me so badly I wasn't going to give him another second by wasting my time and not date. Some people feel ready to date again instantly and some don't. I don't think you should cry over him he sounds heartless. I would suggest not to contact him again or look at his social pages like Facebook.
Author Lalocket Posted August 29, 2014 Author Posted August 29, 2014 I started dating again as soon as my ex and I broke up. He hurt me so badly I wasn't going to give him another second by wasting my time and not date. Some people feel ready to date again instantly and some don't. I don't think you should cry over him he sounds heartless. I would suggest not to contact him again or look at his social pages like Facebook. Thanks Georgia, i have been asked on a date tomorrow night and you know what, i'm gonna go! He is totally heartless, the worst part is..knowing i slept in a bed with him/cooked for him/did his washing for 9 months and he just chose to throw it all away. he used to say he has loved me since he was 16..i imagine this is a rebound with this girl but i'm not gonna be there when he realises he lost me! I wish i could stop with the social media checking..i guess that comes with time and a lot of self control. L x
NoLeafClover Posted August 29, 2014 Posted August 29, 2014 Thanks Georgia, i have been asked on a date tomorrow night and you know what, i'm gonna go! He is totally heartless, the worst part is..knowing i slept in a bed with him/cooked for him/did his washing for 9 months and he just chose to throw it all away. he used to say he has loved me since he was 16..i imagine this is a rebound with this girl but i'm not gonna be there when he realises he lost me! I wish i could stop with the social media checking..i guess that comes with time and a lot of self control. L x Just wanted to say that two wrongs don't make a right. If you actually start dating just as soon then perhaps he is not any wrong then you would be. On the other hand you are nowhere close to date and move on and worse is that you are dragging someone else into believing you are. Not only that but you are also trying to date for the wrong reasons. Perhaps I'm wrong but when things don't look and most likely won't look too bright with your new date, you pain will be multiplied by (put number here) times. Not only you will think bout him betraying you, now you have to deal with the idea of not finding some that has things you liked about him. You will be miserable thinking how good he has it with her and you don't have it as good as him... In the end, to be loyal and legit to the 10 years with him, give yourself sometime to heal for yourself. That way when you start to date again you won't feel guilty on moving too soon. Doesn't matter if he got with someone else the next day, you need to do this for yourself, your dignity and most importantly to move on and find happiness again. The sooner you leave with dignity, the more you will thank yourself later. Don't make irrational decisions you are better than that.
Author Lalocket Posted August 29, 2014 Author Posted August 29, 2014 please help, i found out last night that my ex (11 days ago was bf) is now dating another girl (potentially rebound as he has only just met her), he admitted it to me on the phone although he just called it 'hanging out'.. of course he did. i am finding myself looking at her instagram, twitter, facebook and wondering if she is prettier/funnier than me. why i wasn't good enough, am i not loveable? i am also getting horrendous anxiety where my heart is beating so fast and i'm hot and sweaty. i can't sleep because of it. has anyone else been here? please advise me!!
infamousma Posted August 29, 2014 Posted August 29, 2014 I was here but I made nothing of it because why stress over something you cant change or maybe is not even true. You should try to stop thinking about it so much because it looks like its hurting you. It's hard I know but that's why we are all here right? I find it helps me to vent my problems now to friends cause it gets things off my mind be strong, we are all here and have all been here 1
stillafool Posted August 29, 2014 Posted August 29, 2014 Yes what you are going through is very normal. Breakups are so hard especially when you realize the other person is moving on without you. The fact that he told you he is dating someone else is not good. If he were trying to get you back he would keep it a secret. Did you break up with him or did he break up with you?
Author Lalocket Posted August 29, 2014 Author Posted August 29, 2014 Yes what you are going through is very normal. Breakups are so hard especially when you realize the other person is moving on without you. The fact that he told you he is dating someone else is not good. If he were trying to get you back he would keep it a secret. Did you break up with him or did he break up with you? he broke up with me. i've been having a really tough time the last few months and i don't think he could deal with it. he moved out of our place and has been so harsh..blaming the whole breakdown on me and how i treated him badly. through a tiny bit of social media stalking :confused:i found out that he was hanging out with this girl, so i stupidly called him and told him i knew. Thinking he would deny it, which he kinda did, he said they had just been out a couple of times. this guy i lived with for 9 months, slept in bed with every night and cooked his dinner. he does this?! i just wish this obsession with her would go away, do rebounds ever work?!
infamousma Posted August 29, 2014 Posted August 29, 2014 honestly to me i feel rebounds are there so those people dont have to feel this crappy feeling we are feeling now. It's like the easy way out... Going through what youre going through now is helping strengthen you in the long run and a good learning experience for future relationships. One of my exes always jumped from relationship to relationship and it looked like it never worked out for her. I just wonder if when she doesnt have a person to rebound to, what will happen to her? but do they work? i dont know i cant say. But it doesnt seem healthy to be honest 1
stillafool Posted August 29, 2014 Posted August 29, 2014 he broke up with me. i've been having a really tough time the last few months and i don't think he could deal with it. he moved out of our place and has been so harsh..blaming the whole breakdown on me and how i treated him badly. through a tiny bit of social media stalking :confused:i found out that he was hanging out with this girl, so i stupidly called him and told him i knew. Thinking he would deny it, which he kinda did, he said they had just been out a couple of times. this guy i lived with for 9 months, slept in bed with every night and cooked his dinner. he does this?! i just wish this obsession with her would go away, do rebounds ever work?! Sometimes, it depends on the two people. Don't blame yourself because he didn't have the balls to handle a few months of stress. What would happen if you married him, had children, mortgage, debt and everything else normal couples go through. You've got to stop the bleeding and you do this by going complete NO CONTACT and that includes spying on her/them. There is no need to compare her to yourself because he didn't leave you for her or chose her over you. She is someone he met after the breakup (I think:confused:). Are you sure he didn't meet her before the breakup and she is the cause of the BU? It's awfully funny that it's only been 11 days and already he met a girl and now she's his gf. Somethings fishy. 1
Strength in Healing Posted August 29, 2014 Posted August 29, 2014 It's not about if you're pretty or funny enough. It's about what was wrong with HIM. You are the catch. Look at how you care -- and look at how he doesn't. In time, see who is happier in life -- the one with the heart, or the one without. 3
starryeyedsurprise Posted August 29, 2014 Posted August 29, 2014 Dating and finding someone new is a great way to move on with your life after a breakup. You have a choice, you can sit home and cry and think (which is fine for a day or 2, a week max, or you can pick yourself up and put yourself out there again. Why waste time on worrying about him? He obviously left and dating someone else, and most likely doing it to get over the hurt he is feeling. You should do the same. Would you really want him back knowing he is with someone else already? What does that say about his feelings towards you? You are better than this, as you said your behavior was bad to him. There is no erasing the past, only you can fix and change your behavior for the future. I guarantee you will be 100 times happier ;-)
Author Lalocket Posted August 31, 2014 Author Posted August 31, 2014 Hello If you have read any of my previous posts, you will know that my ex boyfriend, broke up with me 2 weeks ago..has already been dating another girl. I STUPIDLY checked her twitter last night and saw that she stayed at his house. How could he do this to me? Together 18 months, lived together for the last 8 months. Questioning myself. Is this a rebound? Can I assume he doesn't/never cared? I am struggling a lot today, please someone tell me it's going to be ok so hurt.
lop98 Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 I experienced something like that... he found her a week after BU, she moved in with him two weeks later, they became official and he introduced her to all of his friends and took her to all the places we had planned going to, all within one month. It hurt like being shot multiple times... by far the most painful experience I've had and I have had relatives die... It was a rebound, he said so a year later. And guess what, he's still with her. Meanwhile I fell for another guy and went on to have my most stable relationship to date. You can assume he's the weaker kind of men, the can't-handle-myself-lonely type and needs a crutch. His rebound may be a typical rebound that lasts a week or days or may be a long rebound that lasts over a year (like with my ex) or be the rebound that turns into something serious and meaningful... you cannot know, the only thing you know is that he's made his decision and he's out of your life and now you just have to live the pain and then proceed to heal and carry on. You will find better, I can assure you of that. 1
W101 Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 I'm sorry your going through this, it's a sinking feeling like no other, I'll bet your heart fell through your ass, you can look at this one or two ways, one, your hurt and want him to be with you instead or two your hurt and he's crossed a line that he can't go back on, from my experience, one key thing that always had me holding on to exes was if she hasn't/hadn't been with anyone else, there's a chance we can be together again and fix what was broken, but once finding out there was, it was painful, but it spared me many months of wondering and longing at the same time, I guess it really just depends on the kind of person you are. As for him, don't question it, I'd say it's most definitely a rebound, an outlet for his pain, or something along those lines, I doubt he even knows his own mind right now, you'll be okay, and his rebound will inevitably run it's course, hopefully by then there'll be no chance in hell you'l take him back or entertain the idea of speaking to him, I think you deserve more respect than that.
Bella2 Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Hello If you have read any of my previous posts, you will know that my ex boyfriend, broke up with me 2 weeks ago..has already been dating another girl. I STUPIDLY checked her twitter last night and saw that she stayed at his house. How could he do this to me? Together 18 months, lived together for the last 8 months. Questioning myself. Is this a rebound? Can I assume he doesn't/never cared? I am struggling a lot today, please someone tell me it's going to be ok so hurt. Sounds like a rebound for sure. Could work for a while, but won't last forever.... I know it hurts!!! But we finally always get past the hurt (be patient and accept the way you feel for now)
Author Lalocket Posted September 1, 2014 Author Posted September 1, 2014 Sounds like a rebound for sure. Could work for a while, but won't last forever.... I know it hurts!!! But we finally always get past the hurt (be patient and accept the way you feel for now) since he broke up with me, i never thought he could be as CRUEL (i think that's the only word to describe it since I was never bitter about the break up, only tried to sort things out) - the thought of me being intimate with someone else right now makes me feel sick and i dont know how i'm not in his mind. hope it's just a phase, feeling like i'm hanging onto hope again
Author Lalocket Posted September 1, 2014 Author Posted September 1, 2014 my ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago. has been cold ever since. we have 2 weeks left on our flat and we've both moved back home to our parents. he hasn't even seen me since the BU. i still have a lot of his stuff which i found amongst my things when bringing them home. his parents have been a factor in the BU so don't want to see them. they are away for a week so he is there in the house on his own. i am considering dropping his stuff over and sorting out our bills etc. in person, maybe even just to say goodbye. i wouldnt tell him before, i mean just turn up. it may be the only chance i have to see him again as i would never go there when his parents were home. i know it's probably a bad idea, i just feel i need to see him before i say goodbye. i can't explain it. thoughts? thanks
Author Lalocket Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 i thought that i was getting better, haven't cried this week even though i've felt really sad at some points. i thought i was on my way to getting over it but today it's hit me like a train and i feel so terrible. my ex is seeing someone else already and the thought of them together is absolutely killing me. going over and over it in my head thinking he was only with me 4 weeks ago. i havent been able to stay away from his social media pages either which i know i am torturing myself. i feel like im going backwards in getting over this. is this just a bad day? when do i start to feel normal again every single part of me hurts.
tim_tom Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 In time, see who is happier in life -- the one with the heart, or the one without. I'd love to believe this but for some reason I can't. I wish I could not care, could move on easily, rather then being in store for what looks like months of agony.
tim_tom Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 i thought that i was getting better, haven't cried this week even though i've felt really sad at some points. i thought i was on my way to getting over it but today it's hit me like a train and i feel so terrible. my ex is seeing someone else already and the thought of them together is absolutely killing me. going over and over it in my head thinking he was only with me 4 weeks ago. i havent been able to stay away from his social media pages either which i know i am torturing myself. i feel like im going backwards in getting over this. is this just a bad day? when do i start to feel normal again every single part of me hurts. I am 15 days NC, 3 weeks post BU. Same spot, thought i was doing better but today I feel worse then ever. I don't get it.
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