Lipton Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Hello. Never thought I would be posting my inner most feelings to a bunch of strangers on a forum. But need to get it all off my chest before I have a break down. I was in what I thought was a perfect relationship. I loved to girl with everything I had. We met through work and I left my marriage for her. I gave up everything to be with her and put everything into our relationship. Her father died of a brain tumour after a year of us being together this was around 3 years ago, we were together 4 years in total. It was a long drawn out process and after it happened she had a total breakdown. I saw her through, was her rock, I put up with her screaming at me and saw her through her darkest hours. With love and understanding I helped her back to health. We got engaged. We made plans, we had great holidays. Then three weeks ago out of the blue she came home and said, I don't think this is working, I have been sticking my head in the sand too long. I cannot be with you anymore. It was like a train had hit me. I was shattered. I have had to move back to my parents at the age of 43 with nothing. I am trying to make sense of what has happened. I have tried to get her back but have only succeeded in pushing her further away. I have done a lot of soul searching. And the fault is mine. When her father died I pushed my feelings down and was strong for her. I saw her so vulnerable and wrapped her in cotton wool. I have stifled her I have been jealous and possessive and it steams from me not grieving for her father. My job has been stressful and my mother has been diagnosed with dementia with my father not coping with it. All the pressure has resulted in me trying to wrap her up to much. I have driven her away by being to possessive. I am trying to come to terms with all this. I just want her back. I accused her of seeing someone else last week with no reason. I am now trying not to contact her as I don't want to make any more mistakes. I want to be with her so much but I know she probably does not want me. I am about as low as can be. I am sure this all makes no sense as my mind is shot at present. Thanks for listening. I have no one else to talk too.
tory1012 Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I was engaged too and he dumped me - said he had to mentor me. I'm pretty sad atm can't stop crying. I know its hard. Everything seems so hopeless right now. I'm so so sorry for your loss. Heart break is pretty much the worst thing i've ever had to endure.
ImSoLostWithoutYou Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Leaving your marriage was your biggest mistake. Basically you left another woman for her. So you could leave her for another woman in the future as well. You're a man for God's sake. Men do not do things like that because it's not respectful. Not respectful for themselves. If you do things with which you do not respect yourself how do you suppose a woman to respect you and stay with you? Better for you is to move on. You did it once when you left your wife. I'm sure you thought she's the one that you want to spend your life with. But in fact you left her so that was not a true statement. The odds are you can do it again to meet new woman. So do it. This thing is over, toast. Nothing you can do now, you've doomed yourself from the beginning. Next time if you do not want to be with somebody don't be scared to tell them and then to meet new people. People are all afraid of the loss. No matter for a human being or for something material. Beat your mentality and get over it. Be a man!
ExpatInItaly Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 (edited) Your jealousy and possessiveness was caused by you not grieving for her father...come again? I don't follow that line of logic. Jealousy and possessiveness generally are rooted in insecurity. I think you need to dig a little deeper into the real causes of your issues. You didn't accuse her of seeing someone for no reason. There is something in your mind (true or untrue) that is making you insecure. Is it because you left your own marriage, and are afraid she was doing the same thing? I think you are in denial about your problems with her. It sounds like this break-up wasn't really out of the blue, as you described. Seems there have been some problems for a while. Take a look back further - what other issues have you had in this relationship? Edited September 4, 2014 by ExpatInItaly
Recommended Posts