Waynester Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I posted recently about my relationship that ended 2 days before Christmas '13. We had been together 3 years, but the last few months leading up to the split had been bumpy. Basically she became more & more distant. I gave everything to this girl, and in the end I just wanted her to show me how she felt. I simply wanted a hug, a hand held, a spontaneous kiss.. I got nothing, and it killed me. The day we split I attempted to find out why she was cold with me, how I was hurting. It didn't go to well. It was the end of the weekend and I was about to drive her home. The journey usually took around 90 minutes. We did this in silence. When we got to her room (it's a house share), she looked at me and said "I don't want to hurt you" I immediately felt sick & upset..and could only mumble "so we're over?" And I left..to drive home in tears. Long story short, after writing some long emails to each other, with me desperate not to lose her. She said she feels I'm not her soul mate, and that I should know her by now..when she makes a decision, she never goes back. It's been over 8 months now, and there has been zero contact..even though I have come so close to mailing her. My life has stood still. I am 42, divorced 6 years ago after 12 years marriage. When I met this girl, I fell hard. She was everything to me, I would have..and practically did, give her everything I could. I still feel utterly destroyed, and the desire to contact her is so strong. I guess I know the answer to this already.. I'm just tired of feeling heart broken, I want it to end..but after 8 months, the pain is as strong as ever. It feels just like a bereavement. I should be healing by now..surely?? Thanks for taking time to read this. It feels therapeutic to write how I feel..so I am.
Mr.Pine Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I'm just tired of feeling heart broken, I want it to end.. Easy... get off your arse, stop feeling sorry for yourself and meet a new bird. Easier said than done? Nope. Just remember this... she has not even attempted to contact you for any reason, at all. Very telling. She's obviously over you. Now it's your turn. Keep in N.C. mode and do something productive. If you're not ready to date, (which by now you should seriously be ready to) get some new hobbies and stop moping around about this evil beeyotch. She doesn't deserve your time nor tears. Best of luck. 2
Lipton Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I feel for you. I am just starting this process and it hurts. I am fed up with people saying find someone else. I know I should but I don't want to. I hope you can come to terms with things soon, eight months is a long time. I am at the one month stage. Have you looked at self help books? Some are utter rubbish but I find some articles of tiny Buddha very helpful. I am sure life will eventually work out for you. I truly hope it does for you. No one deserves so much pain. Chin up. 1
Mr.Pine Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I am fed up with people saying find someone else. I know I should but I don't want to. Lippy, finding someone else is a solid solution to a birdy-flying-the-coop dilemma. How did you finally get over your last relationship? Boom! Finding a new mate to wipe out the memory of the old one. Perhaps not all the memories, but the memories worth wiping. If you are so fed up, how about this, continue to mope and be depressed and cry until the cows come home and stay single. Very healthy.
Zahara Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 (edited) I am just starting this process and it hurts. I am fed up with people saying find someone else. Lipton: It is understandable. It's too soon for you to contemplate seeking out a new partner or even dabbling with dating when you're emotionally unavailable. I don't subscribe to finding a new mate when I am still hurting and trying to cope with unresolved feelings. Take your time with processing how you feel. You will know when you are ready to date, mind and heart present. Waynester: Nine months is still a fresh journey into your healing. It took me about a year or so to feel like I was letting go and even then seeing him for a split second a year later made me sick. I do not believe you're experiencing stagnation or a setback, but rather, some people take a little longer with getting there. Don't let it discourage you. NC is a difficult process and it starts to get particularly hard as you keep going. Gets worse before it gets better. It's the finality that she isn't coming back. And finality is hard to accept. Edited September 4, 2014 by Zahara 2
Author Waynester Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 Thanks for the thoughts all.. I hate feeling this way, and can get angry & frustrated that I am! But I cannot force my heart to heal, wish I could. Deep down I know she doesn't give a hoot about me, and it's this that has stopped me from embarrassing myself..and 're-opening old wounds by contacting her. I appreciate the advice though, I know I need to move on with my life..but it feels..so..hard. The older I get, the harder starting again becomes. One day I'll get it right..God I hope. I wish you all well guys, and I hope whatever dark days you are experiencing..ends with light & positivity!
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