avoforastig Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I've been dating a woman for the past few months. We have a lot in common and have similar values. The sex life has been great and I generally enjoy spending time with her. Unfortunately, I realized that I have been reluctant to allow myself to fall in love with her due to her introverted approach to life. I don't find anything wrong with a person being introverted but I've learned over recent years that I'm actually more extroverted than the average person. I suspected she was more introverted initially but early dating for me has always been more of a one on one thing until things blossom. I've made a few attempts at trying to integrate her with my friends. Unfortunately, when out with a group of my friends at a crowded bar, she seemed to reach her limit. She started to complain about the place, saying things like "I don't see the point of being here." This really bothered me a lot and we ended up leaving what I would consider prematurely. She became upset after leaving saying that she wants me to like her but doesn't want to feel like she's holding me back or a party pooper. Going forward, I'm not sure how to handle this. Looking back, I've always been an extrovert. I've always loved going to parties,bars, concerts, and other social gatherings. I'm not sure if it's possible for me to compromise a big part of what makes me happy in life, which is spending time with others. Some of my best memories come from spending time in social gatherings. Is it possible to maintain an introvert/extrovert relationship? If so, any tips? I don't want to hurt her or give up a potentially good relationship.
Versacehottie Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 When i have seen couples like this, it's generally a very difficult relationship or they lead very separate lives. Would you be ok with that?
Els Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Actually, MBTI research claims that introverts and extroverts that align on all the other personality traits are a very good match. I can't for the life of me imagine that, though - I'm an introvert who has always had a natural affinity towards fellow introverts. Extroverts are not my cup of tea relationship-wise. As for your situation, it depends on whether both of you are able to (or want to) reach a compromise. How would it sit with both of you if you went out with your friends and she stayed at home? I know some introvert-extrovert couples who do that, and things seem to be going well for them.
DazedandConfused8 Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 There's nothing wrong with introverts dating extroverts and vice versa. As mentioned above, as long as you have the important core values, how to 'recover' and gain your energy is manageable.
xxoo Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I'm an introvert married to an extrovert. It has a lot of advantages when building a life together: yin and yang, balancing each other's strengths and weaknesses. But neither of us are extremely I or E. Not all extroverts are party-goers, for example. My H fills his "people need" mostly at work and with close friends, hanging with the other dads at high school sporting events, for example.
preraph Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 I think sometimes the two are attracted to each other, but the lifestyle has to fit if there's going to be long-term success. I was roommates/friends with an extrovert (another girl, nothing romantic) and we were great friends. I'm completely uncomfortable out of my element but kind of a leader in my element, so not quite asocial, but I'd rather be alone than be with people I have nothing in common with, bad at small talk, etc. She was able to talk to everyone and did. Being around her was good for me because in some ways it expanded my social circle or made me seem more outgoing to others. She was aware of this and sometimes it really bothered her that she was doing "all the work." But I never asked her to do all the work. She'd have been doing it with or without me. She did do the wingman thing but it was a mixed bag of introducing me to guys but then sometimes just embarrassing me around them by saying weird things to them. I could have done without it. When we went places, we had to take separate cars. No way to plan anything with her. She was always trying to see three people at once and always late to everything. I was the opposite and ready to go home when it was over. Not saying it can't work, but if you're this annoyed this early, it's probably only going to get worse. I remember one brief bf that I really adored but he was really social with his buddies and their families and I remember thinking I'd be bored to death if I had to hang out with them very often because they were way more conventional than my crowd. I couldn't have sat around and pretended to care what grade their kid was in and talk about sports. So sometimes it's just not a match. But sometimes it's good for both people if they have enough interests in common and at least like the same type of people and there's no jealousy if one wants to go do things and the other wants to stay home.
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