Kylie1 Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I met this really nice guy a few weeks ago. Everything was going great. He would text during the day ask me how my day is going etc. but we had sex after our third date even though we wanted to wait. Things happened. Anyways after that he started pulling away, telling me the next day he was busy with work. Finally I told him I know why he is pulling away and he agreed that we got too close too fast and he was upset about it. It was mutual and he could not do anything but now he doesn't text me morning or goodnight messages etc like he used to. I asked him if he wants to end it and he said no and I said we just need to stop having sed and just date like before. He said ok but he isn't texting me nor calling me like he used to and it makes me sad. We made plans for this weekend and he said he still wants to hang out. I'm hurt and feel rejected like I did something wrong I'm being punished with silence. I guess I just need some advice about my next move. Should I end this or give him time? All this happened last week.
Zippy2000 Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 He might be doing what LS calles the disappearing act or the "slow fade". How did you meet him? Was it online dating? 1
mightycpa Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 What is he, in friggin' high school still? Tell him to grow the **** up. 3
Author Kylie1 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 He might be doing what LS calles the disappearing act or the "slow fade". How did you meet him? Was it online dating? Yes online
venusishername Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 We made plans for this weekend and he said he still wants to hang out. I'm hurt and feel rejected like I did something wrong I'm being punished with silence. I guess I just need some advice about my next move. Should I end this or give him time? All this happened last week. If you have made plans for this weekend and he says he still wants to hang out, what are you worried about? Maybe it moved too fast for his comfort level. He's still letting you know he is interested. I would give it time and don't push him by talking about it.
mightycpa Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Kylie1, I gotta say, this is still pissing me off! Knowing that you're somewhat reluctant, he allows things to get out of hand, then he bangs you, THEN he backs off? I don't know, maybe I'm old fashioned, but if I liked you and that happened, I'd be trying to escalate things, not cool them down. If I backed off, it would be because I wasn't interested in more than what I got. Maybe he's more "sensitive" than I am. Who knows? Also, I'm not really impressed by "he wants to hang out". I'd be more impressed by "he wants to take me out, someplace nice" or "he's taking me out for a picnic" or something that shows at least a modicum of thought on his part. And I'm a guy! 3
Author Kylie1 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 Kylie1, I gotta say, this is still pissing me off! Knowing that you're somewhat reluctant, he allows things to get out of hand, then he bangs you, THEN he backs off? I don't know, maybe I'm old fashioned, but if I liked you and that happened, I'd be trying to escalate things, not cool them down. If I backed off, it would be because I wasn't interested in more than what I got. Maybe he's more "sensitive" than I am. Who knows? Also, I'm not really impressed by "he wants to hang out". I'd be more impressed by "he wants to take me out, someplace nice" or "he's taking me out for a picnic" or something that shows at least a modicum of thought on his part. And I'm a guy! I agree. I'm really in a bad mood how he handles all this. Well me already made plans last week to attend a party so that part is alright. I'm just trying to figure out what I should do. He says he doesn't wanna end it but he didn't even send me a goodnight text today. I don't know if I should give him time or just tell him it's over. He was so affectionate and all and after sex it's almost like we are just friends. I just don't get it.
Zippy2000 Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Then email him, text him, phone him. Dont just sit on your computer and tell us. Make this a happy ending story! lol:)
aprilisi Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Upset my butt. Sounds like they slow fade. That's the problem with online dating and texting. People treat it like a buffet, they get what they want from the poor soul then move on. Meanwhile the poor soul becomes jaded and starts doing the same thing. Its a horrible cycle
ExpatInItaly Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Sounds like he's fading on you. It's hurtful to pull back after having sex, but he claims to be upset? Please. He doesn't appear all that interested in taking it further. You could see how this party goes, but it doesn't currently sound too promising.
Zahara Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 mightycpa said it. Things are supposed to progress, not regress. He's doing the slow fade. Tasted the goods, now he's stepping away. It's not uncommon. One thing you need to do is stop badgering him about it. No sense asking him what's going on, if he wants to end, etc. because you already know the signs. If you feel it's not what you want then YOU decide, don't leave it up to him. If you still want to see him stay out of the bedroom.
Diezel Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Translation: Hey, I'm so sorry that I haven't really paid attention to you over the past week. I've been so busy with week and I already had made plans for this weekend. But maybe next week we can get together? Just stick around long enough and I might be able to squeeze you in at some point. No, seriously. It might happen if I have absolutely nothing better to do. You probably aren't really worth my time or another date, unless you bring something a bit "spicier" to the table. Even then, I'll probably just respond this way right after. Also, I'm not that really nice, I just seem that way until I get what I want. It doesn't seem like you'll be giving it up that easily, but hey... keep believing I'm that nice guy, I might come right back around to you eventually. Just keep holding onto that thought of our first date. 3
Eighty_nine Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 What an idiot. That sucks. 3 dates I think is too soon for sex but it's not like you slept with him on the FIRST date- you'd think by that point he'd have some legitimate interest and not just blow you off. Ugh. Go ahead and hang out with him if you want but DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM or engage in anything besides a kiss goodnight!
BlueIris Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Sounds like the modern Nice Guy, formerly known as the wolf in sheep’s clothing. The Nice Guy thing is just another shtick for a**holes. Live and learn. I wouldn’t contact him again.
Author Kylie1 Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 So I was dating this guy for three weeks and he started acting really aloof. He didn't text me this last Friday or Saturday so I was like wow he isn't really into you is he? So texted him saying he isn't interested in getting to know me and we should stay as friends... Haven't heard a word from him! What's wrong with people?
Diezel Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Yeah, I know... who texts someone who is clearly ignoring them... that they should stay as friends? 1
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