vivibta Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Hi, I'm new here and (obviously) need your advice as well. So I was in a relationship with that guy (he's 30 now, I'm 26). You could say it was the best and worst relationship I've ever had. It was the best one because he was the only one I really and truly loved and still love like crazy. Before meeting him I thought I loved my exes, but now it's just different. I just love him unconditionally, he could get fat, bald and whatever else right now and I would still love him like crazy. Anyway, we had an amazing time, connected on so many levels and most of the time it was just wonderful. BUT it was also the worst time because we broke up twice. The first time he broke up with me in summer 2013, saying that he loves me very much but that we're just incompatible (we had some fights about the household and other daily things). Two months later he came back to me and we tried again. Everything seemed great for almost a year, then he broke up with me again after a wonderful vacation, after we had a fight, for me it came out of nowhere, although we've had a few stupid fights I thought they didn't really matter (because we never raised our voices, never used bad words, always made up). So the second time he broke up with me was 3.5 months ago. Directly in the moment he broke up I left him standing there without any word and decided to go NC all the way. I sticked to my word. I didn't contact him again and blocked him on all social networks. Then there was complete silence for almost 3.5 months- Until he reached out to me via email, 4 days ago. He started saying that he has been thinking a lot about what happened and then pointed out things in our relationship that went wrong in his opinion, also admitting the mistakes he made. Then, in the next part, he said that he learnt to play my favorite song on guitar and that it reminds him so much of me. And that he keeps seeing me everywhere in his life and that so many things remind him of me. He even took pictures of many things that reminded him of me and added them to the email. Then he just said I should send him the book I wrote because he really wants to read it. That's it. No 'I love you' or 'I want to get back together'. I didn't really get the point of his email, but still wrote him back last night, 3 days after he sent me that email. I first told him my opinion on the points he mentioned (what went wrong in our relationship). In some of my explanations I even said that I loved him very much and I always just wanted to be with him (regarding the point where he said he was jealous sometimes). Then I admitted that the song he learnt to play on guitar also reminded me a lot of him and that often I wonder where he is or what he's doing right now. Then I just ended it with a normal bye. He then answered today, admitting more mistakes he mad but also discussing the same points. He said that he always just wanted to be with me (because I told him I was jealous too) and he never thought of other girls. He then mentioned that I'm the only old Whatsapp conversation that is still in his phone (he usually deletes every conversation after it ends to not have such a long list- So he didn't delete the conversation with me although it ended 3.5 months ago). Then he ended the email by saying he hopes I send him the book I wrote and sends me another picture asking what it means (He studies my mother language and it's a poster with my mother language in it). I'm really confused now. What does he want? I mean if now he just wants to be friends, why would he tell me in the first email that so many things remind him of me and even sends me a collection of pictures that remind him of me? And that he learnt my favorite song? But if he really wanted to get back together why wouldn't he just say that clearly in the second email and or say that he loves me or whatever? By the way, at the moment we cannot meet in person because first I was traveling and now that I'm back home he's gone for work for two weeks. What do you guys think, what are his intentions or reasons to write me those emails? I just don't get it and I'm not even sure how to answer to those anymore. I still really love him and dream about him almost every night, even though I haven't seen him in 3.5 months. He's still the one for me. But I also know that I have to be rational, I mean he broke up with me already twice, I don't wanna go through this again. And as I said, regarding those emails I'm not even sure what he wants. Thanks!!
Purepony Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 My guess is he is confused and seeing someone else .. if he wanted you back he would have made it clear because it sounds like you made it clear to him
Author vivibta Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 I doubt that he's seeing someone else- We have mutual friends, so most likely I would know. Plus he's in a small village in a different country now with his company, where they have a seminar for a few weeks. Everyone there is male (he's an engineer) and they don't have time to do anything else (there are not even restaurants etc. close by). Anyway, I just don't want to keep emailing with him about this stuff without knowing what his intentions are. Should I just ask him?
dragonfire13 Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I've been there and I can tell you this mind f*ckery gets old, really quickly. He probably does still like you and care about you, but is confused and probably can't be bothered putting in the effort to be with you properly right now, but isn't entirely comfortable letting you go. Which as first seems sweet because its like hey, at least this guy isn't made of stone. But I can tell you from experience, a scenario like this rarely ends well. Even if you do end up getting back together, this guy will likely walk away again, especially because he knows he can. I can also tell you that as soon as I tired of this ambiguous contact, or "breaking up" just to get back together again, I started ignoring the messages or not responding as enthusiastically and got on with my own life (which he saw courtesy of social media) Boom! The f*cker all of sudden realised what he wanted and what he lost ..but by then, my feelings for him weren't nearly as strong as they had been (and I thought I would always love this guy) and now Im grateful that I dodged a bullet. I even met someone that I had a great deal of chemistry with and whose good points only highlighted my exes bad points, making me realise that as much as I thought I loved this guy, there really are guys out there that I'm more compatible with. Meanwhile, this guy is probably looking for his next victim to play these silly mind games with. Don't waste your time with these losers. If he really cared about you, he would have attempted to sort out the relationship instead of walking away. He made his bed, he can lie in it. 1
sleeplessinslc Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 But I can tell you from experience, a scenario like this rarely ends well. Even if you do end up getting back together, this guy will likely walk away again, especially because he knows he can. I can also tell you that as soon as I tired of this ambiguous contact, or "breaking up" just to get back together again, I started ignoring the messages or not responding as enthusiastically and got on with my own life (which he saw courtesy of social media) Boom! The f*cker all of sudden realised what he wanted and what he lost ..but by then, my feelings for him weren't nearly as strong as they had been (and I thought I would always love this guy) and now Im grateful that I dodged a bullet. Amen amen and amen He left you just like that...this is a strong indication of a character flaw. More than "chemistry" and "magic" and "connections" - the most important thing you look for in someone is if they'll stay thru the bad times. Feelings change. It's just science and chemistry. But a person's character- that is long lasting. 2
Axee Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Hi OP, I have a friend of mine who had a relationship like this . Even after a break up and after the guy had got married, he would send long emails to her saying "I think of you all the time blah blah ".. That guy was essentially not a normal guy as in he always wanted to do things differently and could never get committed to anything.. I remember that same situation after reading ur post. OP why dont you be firm and state what is your expectation from the relationship and tell him not to contact you if he isnt coming there.. Else, trust me you will be led to a lonnnng chase of "he loves me , he loves me not, wil we get back, wont we get back "
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