sezza Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 I received this email from a man I have had a relationship with for 9 months. I just don't know what to say. I'm alternating between mad and upset. I'm trying to convince myself he doesn't really want to break up but he's said it in black and white. We honestly were so happy when we were together but he's got a lot of domestic stress and when I asked him if he was happy as he seemed stressed I got this reply - am I just kidding myself it's him, not me? i have been asking myself a lot of questions and one was did you send the message as you were unhappy with things due to my complex home situation and flagged it up as you didnt want continue with things as they are? Anna you are right though my home life is very demanding right now and it would be unfair of me to try to continue seeing you, i feel that i have been stringing you along to fit in with everything so think the best thing is to cut loose. This is so hard for me to do as i have grown so fond of you and loved our times together but always seem to come home to problems. Anna am so sorry if this is not the outcome you had hoped for and please don't think bad of me and please still be my friend and stay in touch. Lovely Anna take care for now and hope you're not too sad, i am. I understand if you don't reply to this mail XXX
CarrieT Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 It sounds like his "complex home situation" is that he is married. True? He cut you loose. Time to walk away and hold your head up. Do NOT reply. He broke up with you for whatever reason. You can't be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. 1
Author sezza Posted September 3, 2014 Author Posted September 3, 2014 no, not married, definitely not. He's a widower with teenage kids who give him the runaround.
Ronni_W Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 That's a tough one. I would guess that you had been asking for more of his time/attention, or complaining about the lack thereof? What he is saying is that he does not presently see that he'll have any more time or attention to give to you in the future than in the past, and/or that he does not want to. Based only on his email, he has to give you up for being just another demand on his time/attention/emotional resources. (His long-term, psychologically healthier solution could be that he needs some professional help to learn how to better deal with his unruly teens; or they need loss/grief counseling or behavioural therapy, or whatever.) In any case, based only on his email, it sounds that you felt unfulfilled...and whatever the circumstances are that caused such feelings are not going to change anytime soon...unless YOU are willing to change something - or many things - on your side (wants, needs, expectations, levels of support, understanding, whatever.) You said you don't want to break up. But are you willing to change your own "stuff" so that it will fit in with his life/circumstances? NOT that you owe it to him to do that...most definitely not. But would you do it so that you can continue in the relationship with him AND not feel unfulfilled, ignored, unimportant, etc.?
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