Author iamgaius Posted September 5, 2014 Author Posted September 5, 2014 Okay I am probably asking her out the next chance I get. Since I've "diminished" my chances, I was thinking a simple coffee "date"? She gives me really warm smiles whenever I see her , so maybe she brushed off the dumb texts? Would this suffice? "Hey Sarah, would/do you want to go out for coffee sometime, I'm paying?" It feels very flat though. Should I worry that the question might blindside her? More importantly, if she says no. What do I do? Do I go shrug say ok and go to another topic? (New at rejection). Or do I just walk away, but that feels very cold. And if people ask me if I asked her out (assuming she rejects) should I say something like "well she's worth it." Or does that sound like I'm still trying. In other words do I just stop pursuing her for good, or just ask her out again down the road in 6 months? Just looking for contingency plans.
Author iamgaius Posted September 5, 2014 Author Posted September 5, 2014 Unless she is really desperate for a relationship/date/man then she is unlikely to say yes to a date by now. You're hard work already OP! I would be put off by that in any term of dating. The thing is I don't think she is desperate and i am actually very easy going. She just stresses me out lol. Although i "sometimes infuriate" her lol.
Zahara Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Okay I am probably asking her out the next chance I get. Since I've "diminished" my chances, I was thinking a simple coffee "date"? She gives me really warm smiles whenever I see her , so maybe she brushed off the dumb texts? Yes, a simple coffee date will suffice. At this point I think you are your worst enemy. Forget about the dumb text messages. Would this suffice? "Hey Sarah, would/do you want to go out for coffee sometime, I'm paying?" It feels very flat though. Should I worry that the question might blindside her? No need to let her know you are paying! "Hi Sarah, I'd like to take you out for coffee sometime, or maybe a drink this Friday or over the weekend." When you are both making "how was your weekend" small talk or the weather, blah, blah, blah -- slip it in...by the way Sarah, I'd really like to.... More importantly, if she says no. What do I do? Do I go shrug say ok and go to another topic? (New at rejection). Or do I just walk away, but that feels very cold. If she declines, just smile and let her no it's not a problem and just go with the flow -- as in continue talking if she is still making conversation or walk away. No shrugging, pouting, yelling, growling, frowning -- just act like it's no big deal. And if people ask me if I asked her out (assuming she rejects) should I say something like "well she's worth it." Or does that sound like I'm still trying. In other words do I just stop pursuing her for good, or just ask her out again down the road in 6 months? Just looking for contingency plans. How about you ask her out first before you start planning the next 20 years of your life. One step at at time. And most likely no one is going to ask you if she rejected you and if they do, you don't have to explain yourself. 1
Zahara Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Although i "sometimes infuriate" her lol. And I can see why. You're getting in your own way.
Polak Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Okay I am probably asking her out the next chance I get. Since I've "diminished" my chances, I was thinking a simple coffee "date"? She gives me really warm smiles whenever I see her , so maybe she brushed off the dumb texts? Would this suffice? "Hey Sarah, would/do you want to go out for coffee sometime, I'm paying?" It feels very flat though. Should I worry that the question might blindside her? More importantly, if she says no. What do I do? Do I go shrug say ok and go to another topic? (New at rejection). Or do I just walk away, but that feels very cold. And if people ask me if I asked her out (assuming she rejects) should I say something like "well she's worth it." Or does that sound like I'm still trying. In other words do I just stop pursuing her for good, or just ask her out again down the road in 6 months? Just looking for contingency plans. Bro.... please, for God's sake stop overanalyzing this. You ever heard the acronym K.I.S.S.? Stands for "keep it simple stupid" and has been around for a while. To make a long story short, it works. Don't think about it... just go for it! If you are easy-going as you say, then the response won't matter. Although I am predicting that since she is still smiling at you and not simply ignoring your existence, she will be happy to go out. Just ASK her. As SIMPLY as possible. 1
Author iamgaius Posted September 6, 2014 Author Posted September 6, 2014 (edited) Would rock climbing make a good date? I'd like to couple it with a coffee outing. The problem with just going out for coffee is that, well, she's pretty shy by nature. So I would be steering the conversation probably, and that isn't my forte in this instance...as indicated by everything lol. So is rock climbing something you'd take a "reserved" girl out for? I mean indoor rock climbing. I figure I need some sort of physical activity, to take the pressure off me frankly. And it seems like it would be an "original" idea for her? I could be off but I don't think she's ever done it. I haven't done it indoors either so...? Any other ideas, or do I just stick to coffee and baby steps? Which is the "safer" route? This girl has taken me over at this point. I need to take a shot lol. Bear in mind that she occasionally does go out to city clubs with gfs. She got a tattoo just because lol. Even if she is shy. I'm more a bar person. I over think big crowds, so hence bars are preferable to clubs Edited September 6, 2014 by iamgaius
Zahara Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 (edited) Would rock climbing make a good date? I'd like to couple it with a coffee outing. The problem with just going out for coffee is that, well, she's pretty shy by nature. So I would be steering the conversation probably, and that isn't my forte in this instance...as indicated by everything lol. Please STOP this. At this point I wonder if you're just running us around with this. No skydiving. No rock-climbing. No bungee jumping. No white water rafting. You don't even know her enough whether she likes any of those things. It almost seems as if you want to go grand to impress her because you have no confidence in yourself. Coffee date is your way of getting to know her. It's her way of getting to know you. To break the ice and slowly progress. Drink or coffee. Period. So is rock climbing something you'd take a "reserved" girl out for? I mean indoor rock climbing. I figure I need some sort of physical activity, to take the pressure off me frankly. And it seems like it would be an "original" idea for her? I could be off but I don't think she's ever done it. I haven't done it indoors either so...? You don't do any of these things on the first date. If you have ZERO confidence in even taking her to coffee, then you need to work on yourself before you attempt dating. You want rock-climbing to distract her from you. Ass backwards. Any other ideas, or do I just stick to coffee and baby steps? Which is the "safer" route? This girl has taken me over at this point. I need to take a shot lol. For the last time, coffee or drink. Who cares where? Just find the courage to ask her, get a response and then we all can help you figure out where. Edited September 6, 2014 by Zahara 1
scorpiogirl Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 Holy crap! STOOOOP! You first asked about this girl in July. You've still done nothing about it besides annoy everyone with the same question over and over. At this point I hope she says no. Though I doubt you'll ever ask her. You'll still be here in December asking " should I take her to Paris on our first date?" Stop Stop Stop!!! How the hell do you take a girl you don't know rock climbing? Stop it! All this awkwardness is not cute or funny, as you think. If you feel you can't hold a conversation with her over coffee ( which is very clear) then what is all this about. Again... Stop! 1
Author iamgaius Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 Wth...what's with all the meanness people? Granted, my confidence is wobbly with her. Readily admit that. She requires a rossetta stone. No need to be overly mean about it. Sheesh. I'm asking her out for coffee. In the past I had more to go on. Hence my inability to act now. I knew the stuff they liked prior, what to do. I could rely on texting. Clearly not now. Also, on Friday, I was alone with my "boss" and his assisstant. Suddenly, he's like, "is something going on between you and Sarah? I always see you around her." Naturally i gave the high school answer of "nooo, of course not." Lol I am not fast on my feet... My question: can I extrapolate that if he gets this impression, then Sarah knows I like her? In which case, she'd be expecting me to ask her out and not be blindsided? I might as well take the plunge. If I have to get rejected, it may as well be by this girl! .
Zahara Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 (edited) Wth...what's with all the meanness people? Granted, my confidence is wobbly with her. Readily admit that. She requires a rossetta stone. No need to be overly mean about it. Sheesh. She doesn't require rosetta stone. The problem is you and you lacking self-confidence, and it is very apparent. She gave you her number twice, to anyone else, that would have been your green light. Instead you sabotaged it. You have 4 threads on this issue, with a combined 6-7 pages of advice, since July. All advice pointing to: 1. Ask her out now 2. Don't wait too long 3. You can say, " XXX XXX XXX." 4. Ask her for a drink or coffee But you have come back each time with overthinking and magnifying. You ask us what to say, we tell you. You ask us what to do, we tell you. But none of it sticks because you are trapped in your own head without being able to absorb anything anyone is saying to you. There was a post about your supervisor stating you are infuriating. And this woman mentioning that you are "sometimes" infuriating to her as well. I have to wonder because you come off that way on LS as well so I can't imagine how you are in real life. It is exasperating to deal with your overanalyzing and your insistence to keep going on and on about it. It's like talking to a brick wall in all your threads. The only way to get over something that is uncomfortable, is to do it. Until you do it, you will remain in whatever it is that is holding you back. I'm asking her out for coffee. In the past I had more to go on. Hence my inability to act now. I knew the stuff they liked prior, what to do. I could rely on texting. Clearly not now. BS. Again, she gave you the number twice. You didn't grab that opportunity. That was enough to go on. You don't need to know all the ABCs about her to ask her on date. The way to get to the ABCs is by taking that first step and asking her out. People do it all the time. You even have an asinine post asking us about her liking nail polish and what that could indicate about her personality. You are cocooned in your own madness. Also, on Friday, I was alone with my "boss" and his assisstant. Suddenly, he's like, "is something going on between you and Sarah? I always see you around her." Naturally i gave the high school answer of "nooo, of course not." Lol I am not fast on my feet... My question: can I extrapolate that if he gets this impression, then Sarah knows I like her? Does it really matter? The woman gives you her number twice over some lame, insecure game you played about losing it and you still did nothing about it. It's futile. If tomorrow she slapped you and told you to ask her on a date, you'd be here posting, "Do you think she wants me to ask her out on a date?" I might as well take the plunge. If I have to get rejected, it may as well be by this girl! . Ok. Keep repeating that to yourself. Edited September 7, 2014 by Zahara 2
Author iamgaius Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 (edited) So I finally asked this girl (Sarah) out. But I never got a response? So I must have screwed up some where. Don't understand where. I originally was going to ask her out for drinks after work on Saturday (13th). The place where we work was busy. We never really got a chance to interact AT ALL. (there was one moment where I asked her tongue in cheek if I ever annoyed her - because our boss was annoying me - and she said "sometimes", then laughed. I didn't think much of it.) I decided to change my plan, from drinks as suggested on here. Maybe my biggest mistake. I got the idea of seeing an indi movie this coming weekend (18-21st). That way I'd use the ride to/back for conversation and give her backstory on the movie/director/etc. I had to ensure the movie is interesting, so I thought I would ask out another girl to go with on the 18th to screen the movie with. This girl is Ann. I texted her and everything went great. We are going. Ann and I. On the 18th. Fine. My confidence was on fire at this moment...walking on air, lebron james eat your heart out, type of confidence. So I thought "this is great, I even have a template for asking Sarah". So i text Sarah with the same question/phrasing that I used for Ann. Sarah hasn't replied. I just don't understand. It went perfectly with Ann. I confess my 1 previous text conversation with Sarah was pitiful, but wtf? I just don't know how to remedy the situation or where to even start or what to even do. Utterly flabbergasted.... How do I make this right?...it's like I stumble and fall every time I am around the girl. And I am head over heels for her. Thoughts? Please...I WANT TO MAKE THIS RIGHT. PS. Ann and Sarah don't really interact at all...and Ann would tell me. So there is no way Sarah is jilted...Ann's a friend. Edited September 15, 2014 by iamgaius
Assasda Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 What do you need to get "right" with Sarah? You already have her high on the pedestal You asked her a question and she hasnt answered, move on.
GemmaUK Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Just because both of them are women doesn't mean they will respond to you in the same way. Sarah is clearly not interested at all. I think the strange texts and repeat asking for her number have just made her lose any interest she might perhaps have had.
doeblin Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 I've skimmed the other thread. FORGET HER.
Author iamgaius Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 You already have her high on the pedestal Is that sarcastic? Because, frankly, she is high on my pedestal. She's amazing. She's the first thought I have in the morning. Maybe I missed signs. Clearly I did. But it can't end like this? There has to be some gesture for me to reset things. Apologize for the past? Something. Doeblin suggested FORGET HER (Then he recommended to another poster that guys just **** other girls). I can't just forget her. I work at a dead end job because she's there.
doeblin Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Doeblin suggested FORGET HER (Then he recommended to another poster that guys just **** other girls). I can't just forget her. I work at a dead end job because she's there. LOL. It's because that guy only texted the poster few weeks after they've been on a couple of dates. Sarah is not responding, becoz' you are annoying her. Enjoy Ann's company. We can't catch'em all.
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