chados Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 so ive been thinking a lot about relationship. how to develop and not letting things become a routine. so ive noticed that i dont look at other woman while with my girlfriend. barely even without her, and she doesnt either. and past relationships ive noticed myself looking and getting caught once. she asked me if i was looking while i replied. i just thought i knew her:) do you think its bad to do that when walking together in the city? i mean of course its bad but do you think it actually benefits you too?. not every person that walks by but just once every week/month? and not making it to obvious. creating a little jealousness? im not saying im gonna do this. just curious.
slizl Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 I check out other women when I am with my girlfriend, but I don't think it's a big deal since I would never act on anything. I think the key to success is simply throwing on a pair of gas station sunglasses and stare away without anyone being the wiser 3
MoreCoffee Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 If your gal is bisexual and can share in the appreciation, mazel tov. If not, my eyes would make a point to not look. 3
TayTay415 Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 There's a difference between looking and ogling. Looking is fine. Neither should be done for purposes of making your partner jealous. 2
carhill Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 Our eyes covet first. Natural human response IMO. Anything after is a choice. Not that it's determinative but I've noted in my social circle that the long married men who have a roving eye but not a roving penis appear to have the most successful marriages. They accept their natural male proclivity to view attractive people, authentically, without hiding or shame and their wives respect that, even if the man occasionally gets a slap or two. It works. Does it work with everyone? Nope! That said, as tough as it is these days to stay married 25-30+ years, these guys seem to have a method that works. Comparatively, I can't recall having such a roving eye and had 'rules' about that kind of stuff and mine went poof before it even got to a decade. Not traditionally male, perhaps. There's something to be said for that, tradition. Hard to know for sure though. 1
GemmaUK Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 It's natural to look at people. It's natural for a woman to look at an attractive man just as much as it's natural for a man to look at an attractive woman. Oggling or staring is over the top. Doing this to promote jealousy is an attempt at manipulation and a sign of insecurity and needing reassurance. I knew a guy who tried it with me, he got himself into a real hissy fit when I wasn't jealous. 1
Author chados Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 But what I was asking was, do you think it can benefit a relationship to look at other people maybe once a month. Not to look at every person that pass by. My personal opinion is that It can make the other person question their own qualities and compare them to the person you look at. When this happen some people might try to impress you more. I still think that it's a little douchey to do that while walking together but maybe that's just me. And I think that younger people do have a harder time dealing with it.
deathandtaxes Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 But what I was asking was, do you think it can benefit a relationship to look at other people maybe once a month. Not to look at every person that pass by. My personal opinion is that It can make the other person question their own qualities and compare them to the person you look at. When this happen some people might try to impress you more. I still think that it's a little douchey to do that while walking together but maybe that's just me. And I think that younger people do have a harder time dealing with it. You're so overthinking this. We, humans, very much enjoy looking at stuff. Thus art! And anything else that is created to catch the eye. We're not in the habit of making things to look at that are displeasing (there are exceptions....no need to point out the stuff that is made like this). If you're not looking at people, in general, then you're not human. If you're not looking at the more attractive people you may encounter on the street, you're not human. IT doesn't mean that you're going to fantasize about ****ing them silly - it just means you're alive and can appreciate other things in life.
acrosstheuniverse Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 This is really crazy. You really are overthinking stuff. Planning a monthly obvious ogle at another woman while with your gf to stimulate jealousy? Doubt it'd work. If my partner was blatantly, disrespectfully ogling another woman it wouldn't make me jealous, it'd piss me off. I fully expect my partner to notice and look at attractive women, as long as he isn't crossing the line and making her feel uncomfortable. When he's with me I'm sure he sees attractive women, I wouldn't even be annoyed if I saw him trying to sneak a look behind him when a really hot girl walks past. It's just human nature and it doesn't make me jealous as it's practically the equivalent of looking at porn, totally remote and unattainable one-way street stuff. I see hot men. But really I prefer that when we're together we're more focused on one another than the people around us. If he was barely able to concentrate on me because he was checking out every single reasonably attractive female that walked past I would wonder why he hadn't just gone out on his own. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 But what I was asking was, do you think it can benefit a relationship to look at other people maybe once a month. Not to look at every person that pass by. My personal opinion is that It can make the other person question their own qualities and compare them to the person you look at. When this happen some people might try to impress you more. I still think that it's a little douchey to do that while walking together but maybe that's just me. And I think that younger people do have a harder time dealing with it. This is really weird. So you're hoping that your girl is insecure enough to see you looking at a woman (which is pretty much impossible unless you want to constantly bump into people when you're walking around), she will intuitively know what it is about the other woman you like more than you like on your gf, she will feel so jealous or sad about it that she'll strive to improve herself and bingo, you get an improved girlfriend? Huh.
sabre80 Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 It is only a sin if you look twice. That is why it is important to stare and not take your eyes off. That way you don't sin because you just glanced. . . for a very long time.
GemmaUK Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 It is only a sin if you look twice. That is why it is important to stare and not take your eyes off. That way you don't sin because you just glanced. . . for a very long time. Training for creeps......hehe!
Author chados Posted September 5, 2014 Author Posted September 5, 2014 This is really weird. So you're hoping that your girl is insecure enough to see you looking at a woman (which is pretty much impossible unless you want to constantly bump into people when you're walking around), she will intuitively know what it is about the other woman you like more than you like on your gf, she will feel so jealous or sad about it that she'll strive to improve herself and bingo, you get an improved girlfriend? Huh. I just stated that I'm not doing it, and I'm not thinking about doing it. Just talking from experience and wanted to know how others felt about it. I have no need to make any person wether it's a guy or a girl insecure. And no what I said was that from experience I feel that it's a bad thing to do but I've noticed that it can make a person changing during a short amount of time due to getting insecure. People say look but don't touch. I just don't think it's that simple every time.
PogoStick Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 If you haven't noticed, women check out other women all the time. My ex-wife had modelesque proportions (5'10 and 135lbs) and I'd always catch girls turning heads to check her out. It's only fair that guys can check them out too!
Toodaloo Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 No problems here... In fact it gives the perfect opportunity to pass a compliment. I.e she is hot but your bum is nicer or your hair is in better condition etc. So you get to look and make your girlfriend feel better about her own looks...
evanescentworld Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 This 'once a month' thing is rubbish. You look when you look, you don't when you don't...What are you going to do, mark a date in your diary? programme a reminder on your 'phone? As someone pointed out, looking is one thing. Ogling is another. And it depends on the state of your relationship whether such an activity is 'healthy' appropriate or ok, or not. It's not what's outside of you, that counts. It's the level of communication and understanding that already exists between you and your partner, that counts. If you know, suspect or feel that something you do, would not sit well with them, then don't ask us. Ask them. And work from there.
Author chados Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 This 'once a month' thing is rubbish. You look when you look, you don't when you don't...What are you going to do, mark a date in your diary? programme a reminder on your 'phone? nope. if you read it like you want it to be read i can see why you said this. jealousness as far as i can see it is the most powerful tool in a relationship. and if that means once a week or once a month. well lets just say its different from people to people. i could have given another example but i thought this is something most people can relate too. not everyone is out hanging with the opposite sex just as friends. but most do look at other people and for a selfish reason.
evanescentworld Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 This 'once a month' thing is rubbish. You look when you look, you don't when you don't...What are you going to do, mark a date in your diary? programme a reminder on your 'phone? nope. if you read it like you want it to be read i can see why you said this. jealousness (sic) as far as i can see it is the most powerful tool in a relationship. You have a pretty warped view of relationships if you view JEALOUSY as a 'powerful tool'. It's actually a destructive, crippling quality and needs addressing and getting rid of, it doesn't and never should be used as a tool, to contrive and manipulate a partner. That's just sick. ... i thought this is something most people can relate too. not everyone is out hanging with the opposite sex just as friends. but most do look at other people and for a selfish reason. Again, you're making the most erroneous assumptions. if someone looks at another person with desire or a thought of cheating, then there is already a problem within the existing relationship. Most people in contented relationships look at other people in the same way they might a Ferrari or a Dolce & Gabbana outfit. Great to look at, but unavailable, and therefore just looking is a superficial enjoyment. There is no selfish reason the greater majority of the time, and if that's your motive, or in your thoughts, then you have a big problem my friend, and it's an immature attitude to have. You need to talk to your GF, because if you use jealousy as a tool, and look at other women lustfully, she doesn't deserve to be with you.
Author chados Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 You have a pretty warped view of relationships if you view JEALOUSY as a 'powerful tool'. It's actually a destructive, crippling quality and needs addressing and getting rid of, it doesn't and never should be used as a tool, to contrive and manipulate a partner. That's just sick. Again, you're making the most erroneous assumptions. if someone looks at another person with desire or a thought of cheating, then there is already a problem within the existing relationship. Most people in contented relationships look at other people in the same way they might a Ferrari or a Dolce & Gabbana outfit. Great to look at, but unavailable, and therefore just looking is a superficial enjoyment. There is no selfish reason the greater majority of the time, and if that's your motive, or in your thoughts, then you have a big problem my friend, and it's an immature attitude to have. You need to talk to your GF, because if you use jealousy as a tool, and look at other women lustfully, she doesn't deserve to be with you. this is exactly what i said i wasnt doing and wasnt planning to do. and no its only destructive if they know youre doing it on purpose or if it happens to often. why do you think people want their exes back when they break up with them and they move on? because all of the sudden they love them again?. and why do you think it happens more often if the new person is attractive?
CharlieFox Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 This thread reminded me of my friend's girlfriend - she doesn't allow him to stare at other women when they're out together. He is also not allowed to greet female friends or colleagues of his, he is not allowed to watch movies at home if they have sexy chicks in them. And if by any chance he's watching TV and suddenly there is a commercial featuring a young pretty girl, he is expected to turn away his look like a child watching a horror movie or a pornographic scene. Yeah...
MoreCoffee Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 This thread reminded me of my friend's girlfriend - she doesn't allow him to stare at other women when they're out together. He is also not allowed to greet female friends or colleagues of his, he is not allowed to watch movies at home if they have sexy chicks in them. And if by any chance he's watching TV and suddenly there is a commercial featuring a young pretty girl, he is expected to turn away his look like a child watching a horror movie or a pornographic scene. Yeah... Maybe she was an Arab sheik in her most recent past life? (I got nothing.)
evanescentworld Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 this is exactly what i said i wasnt doing and wasnt planning to do. and no its only destructive if they know youre doing it on purpose or if it happens to often. No; jealousy is utterly destructive,, full stop. There are no different ways of applying it or using it. It's a bad, negative thing to have in a relationship. why do you think people want their exes back when they break up with them and they move on? because all of the sudden they love them again?. I don't get what you mean here. Dumpers or dumpees? Dumpers very rarely want their exes back, and dumpees are just desperate... and why do you think it happens more often if the new person is attractive? Again, no idea at all what your context is... It just sounds as if you're using certain behaviours and processes as tools to manipulate....
Author chados Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 No; jealousy is utterly destructive,, full stop. There are no different ways of applying it or using it. It's a bad, negative thing to have in a relationship. this is just not true. if youre jealous during the whole relationship then yes. and i never said use it. I don't get what you mean here. Dumpers or dumpees? Dumpers very rarely want their exes back, and dumpees are just desperate... do you really believe this? not saying they really love them anymore but ive definitely seen people wanting someone back after a breakup. they think they want someone back but they really dont. then if they do get back together. the problem might still be there. however, theres a reason why dumpers want someone back when they move on. especially if it looks like the new person is more attractive then them. Again, no idea at all what your context is... It just sounds as if you're using certain behaviours and processes as tools to manipulate.... its a question nothing more. i wanted to get peoples views. and if i would have asked you this in real life i can almost guarantee that you wouldnt continue to put words in my mouth. but online its always a good thing to do so.
Author chados Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 This thread reminded me of my friend's girlfriend - she doesn't allow him to stare at other women when they're out together. He is also not allowed to greet female friends or colleagues of his, he is not allowed to watch movies at home if they have sexy chicks in them. And if by any chance he's watching TV and suddenly there is a commercial featuring a young pretty girl, he is expected to turn away his look like a child watching a horror movie or a pornographic scene. Yeah... yes ive seen this too. the funny thing is that she always wanted him more whenever some girl contacted him. especially after she broke up with him. but worth mentioning is that she cheated on him. and people that cheat always get problems with the trust.
mightycpa Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 This thread reminded me of my friend's girlfriend - she doesn't allow him to stare at other women when they're out together. He is also not allowed to greet female friends or colleagues of his, he is not allowed to watch movies at home if they have sexy chicks in them. And if by any chance he's watching TV and suddenly there is a commercial featuring a young pretty girl, he is expected to turn away his look like a child watching a horror movie or a pornographic scene. Yeah... I suppose porn is out of the question. Maybe he's not allowed to dump her either.
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